DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Better Safe Than Sorry," a woman who was reluctant to open her door to solicitors. Her husband insisted that if she didn't open the door and respond face-to-face, she was being rude. You advised that no rule of etiquette demands a person open the door to a stranger, and the way to avoid "buying" anything is to not listen to the pitch in the first place.

I'd like to share what a police officer told us at our community watch meeting. He said that burglars often knock on doors to see if anyone is home. The way to handle a stranger at the door is to say loudly, "Honey, I'll get it," then ask through the door, "Who is it?" Even if no one is with you, it gives the impression that you're not alone and vulnerable. -- HELPFUL ADVICE FROM PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR HELPFUL: Thank you. I heard from many readers who also pointed out that a stranger at the door could be a criminal "casing the joint," or a prelude to a home invasion and assault.

DEAR ABBY: While attending school at the University of California in San Diego in the late '80s, I was working on a report at the home of a classmate. One of his roommates answered the door to a couple of solicitors for so-called cheap magazine subscriptions. Once the door was opened, the "salesmen" pulled out weapons, tied us up, and robbed us of money and valuables. Dangerous? I'll say. I had a shotgun pointed at the back of my head. -- JOHN M., NEWPORT BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR JOHN M.: It could have been worse. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I was 12, a neighbor who lived only two doors down was severely beaten and raped after she "politely" opened her door to a stranger. She was lucky the man didn't kill her.

I used to have a "No Soliciting" sign on my door, but I continued to be bothered so I changed it. Now I have one that reads, "Don't sell me anything, give me anything, leave me anything or offer me anything. If you don't know me or my family, don't knock on my door and bother us!" -- ANNA IN BAKERSFIELD

DEAR ANNA: I'd say you've covered all your bases.

DEAR ABBY: It's a different world today. Caution is needed even with children. One week after I moved into my new house, the doorbell rang. Two boys who appeared to be about 8 and 10 were on my porch asking to use our bathroom. Something about them hit me wrong so I told them no, they should go home.

A week later, I read in the newspaper that a woman let two boys in to use her bathroom. They came out with a gun drawn and robbed her. Thankfully, they didn't shoot, but to my knowledge they were never caught. Adults aren't always the danger. -- EYES WIDE OPEN IN MISSOURI

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: I'm sad to say that's true.

DEAR ABBY: I do crime prevention as a volunteer with the Las Vegas Metro Police. What I tell people to do when I help them set up neighborhood watch programs is to post a sign by their doorbell that reads, "We shoot every third salesman -- and the second one just left!" -- TOM IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR TOM: Now that's a powerful message. It would even discourage the winner's committee from Publishers Clearinghouse.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Brooke," is 12, and already she's causing me to worry. She has a serious boyfriend, "Lyle." It's not a secret. I have been pestering her to bring Lyle to meet me, but she never gets around to it.

Brooke has never been a good student; however, lately she has been getting all A's in homework, but C's and D's in tests and in her school assignments. I suspect that her boyfriend is doing her homework for her. I know that Lyle is in high school because I have heard her talking on the phone to her friends. My problem is, I feel weird accusing him of anything when I haven't met him. Am I wrong? What should I do? -- STUMPED IN BETHESDA

DEAR STUMPED: Start being a mother to your daughter. At 12, Brooke's too young for a serious boyfriend, much less one who's in high school. If you continue to allow her to spend unsupervised time with boys you haven't met and approved, you are shirking your responsibility as a parent. Assert yourself NOW, unless you want to risk being a grandmother before your child reaches high school.

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend I asked to borrow a glass pitcher from my sister for a party I was having. Her husband arrived a few minutes before the party with the pitcher in hand. As he handed it to me, I noticed a large crack on the side. I pointed it out to him and gave it back.

My sister called me later, asking, "What about my pitcher?" I explained that it had arrived damaged and that I was not responsible. She says I must replace or compensate her for it in some way, because the pitcher would not have left her house that day if I hadn't asked to borrow it!

Abby, I'm not sure how the pitcher was handled during the four-minute car ride to my home. I do know it was placed unprotected on the front seat. The temperature was very cold that day, possibly in the single digits. My sister says the extreme variation in temperature between her house and the car and then into my house caused the crack.

I consulted two well-known retailers. The customer service representatives from both companies said they had never heard of such a complaint from any of their customers. One went on to say that their company ships items through the mail daily, where products are exposed to outside temperatures, and still had no complaints from customers about receiving broken items. Who is responsible for the pitcher? -- LIZ IN E. GREENWICH, R.I.

DEAR LIZ: The responsible party is the person who failed to ensure that the pitcher was properly packed for transportation to your house.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 49 and the mother of two sons. My hair has been turning silver since I was a teenager, and I am completely silver now.

I gave birth to my sons when I was in my late 30s and early 40s, and, unlike most women, I have no problem with my silver mane. However, I am shocked at the treatment I receive when I go to medical offices. Invariably when I bring the children in, the receptionist will ask, "Are you the mother or the grandmother?" Abby, I'm only silver -- not dead!

I participate in more activities with my sons than most women half my age. What would be a snappy response to these rude people? -- HI-HO SILVER IN ARKANSAS

DEAR SILVER: Forgo the snappy reply and say, "Why do you ask?" You may be surprised to learn that the receptionist is far more interested in whether you are the person authorized to make medical decisions for the boys, or the one who is responsible for paying the medical bill, than whether you are the parent or the grandparent.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to tell you about some of the bravest, strongest, most resilient people I know -- military spouses. So often people write you about problems, troubles or issues. Perhaps my letter will bring a smile to someone's face.

I am in the Army, currently deployed in Iraq. Here, all I have to worry about are my soldiers and myself. They are great guys who make it easy for me, as they all act maturely and professionally.

While I am here, my wife is back home worrying about me. She does all the chores around the house, cooks, takes care of our three sons, helps them with homework, holds down a full-time job, and still finds time to keep our children enrolled in whatever extra activities they can do. She is now filling the roles of both mother and father. Her strength amazes me. Once she went away for 10 days to attend a wedding, and I had to take vacation time to keep up with the house and the kids.

I'm not saying my wife walks on water -- although she swims well -- but a lot of people send messages over here to the soldiers saying, "Thank you for your service." I personally think the unsung heroes are the ones who fill the shoes of the soldiers when they are deployed.

I have been gone for a year and can't wait to return home. I'm planning family time, Mom and Dad time, and I'm also going to let my wife have some time of her own. I just want your readers to know that soldiers have people we look up to, too, and who we think are true American heroes. -- LOVING SOLDIER IN IRAQ

DEAR SOLDIER: I'm printing your love letter because I know you speak for many of those serving their country far from home. I agree that it takes a special kind of person to be a military spouse, someone with strength, courage and self-reliance. Military spouses are, indeed, unsung heroes. Thank you for pointing it out.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18, good-looking, and in great shape, but I haven't had a girlfriend since 2000. I am pretty sure the reason is I refuse to have sex until I am married. I am very religious. When I marry and devote myself to my wife, I want to be able to truly say she has all of me physically, emotionally and spiritually. I want to look her in the eye and tell her honestly that I saved myself just for her.

A lot of girls in college are just looking for sex, and that's not me. Granted, I do date -- but after about two weeks, when they find out I don't want to have sex, they don't like that. It has become frustrating to the point that my parents asked me if I was gay, because I haven't brought home a steady girlfriend.

Does any girl my age want a nice guy? It doesn't seem that way. I'm considering changing my persona and becoming a hard-time partier and forgetting about my commitment to abstinence, because it seems that girls just want the "bad" boy. If you would respond to that, it would be great. God bless. -- ALONE IN ARIZONA

DEAR ALONE: Please don't give up or compromise your values. My dear departed Grandpa A.B. had a saying: "If you want to catch trout, don't go fishing in a herring barrel." Since you want a girl with strong conservative values like your own -- and they do exist -- affiliate with a church-based youth group, or try an Internet Christian dating service. Many girls are praying to meet someone just like you, so don't give up.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)