DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old woman who would like to meet and date a man who respects women.

Two years ago, my husband and I were divorced. Since then my dating experiences have been disappointing.

My friends and acquaintances all say that meeting men in a bar is not a good way to find someone with whom I could be happy. I agree, because most of the men I have met in bars never call after the first date. They are unemployed, recently separated, or drop me after a few dates when I won't have sex.

I have contacted local parishes to find out about weekend retreats and charity functions, but dating men I met there didn't bring any better results.

I don't understand why dating is such a problem. I'm blond, attractive and friendly. I work and attend college full time. I am ambitious, a voracious reader and can carry on an intelligent conversation.

Most men I've encountered seem happy to live at home with their parents and don't want to start a family of their own.

I'm looking for someone who would take me to dinner and a movie and treat me like a lady. I don't mind staying home and watching movies sometimes, but men today apparently want only casual sex -- not relationships.

Unlike my girlfriends who are satisfied with bar-hopping every weekend for male companionship, I want to share my life with someone and have a family. I'm not asking for an instant marriage proposal, but I would like a meaningful relationship. Have you any suggestions? -- DISCOURAGED IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR DISCOURAGED: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, decent people can be found where decent people gather. Volunteer your services at a library, a hospital, the mental health society, or anyplace that could use a helping hand. Join clubs focused on activities you enjoy such as hiking, reading, golfing, fishing, etc. Take square dance, ballroom, folk or line dance classes. Go to museums, art exhibits and concerts. Join the chamber of commerce and attend its mixers; join a professional club, a gym or the YMCA. Volunteer at a political campaign headquarters. The more people who know you're interested in meeting someone, the greater your chances will be of finding Mr. Right.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, who is a junior in college, came out to me last Christmas. She said that she is a lesbian and her roommate for the past year is her lover.

I must admit that even though I have always accepted homosexuality as part of the natural order of things, I was not prepared for one of my children to be gay.

I am now over the shock and I have invited my daughter's roommate to visit us during the spring break.

My dilemma: Should I allow them to sleep together in my home? I would not allow my son (who is straight) to sleep with his girlfriend in my home. -- TRULY BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: If you would not allow your son, who is straight, to sleep with his girlfriend in your home, the same logic should apply to your daughter and her lover. Put them in separate bedrooms.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "TIRED OF BOSSY PARENTS": This Chinese proverb may give you some insight. Memorize it and repeat it daily: "A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a person perfected without trials."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and I suffer from a condition where the person has a strong, persistent desire to have one or more limbs amputated. This happens every day, and I don't understand it, but I want to have my leg amputated.

I have researched prosthetics on the Internet and have found that life as an amputee is not that different. But I'm afraid if I tell my parents they will think I'm crazy. What should I do? Please answer this. It is ripping me apart. -- WANNABE AMPUTEE IN BERKELEY

DEAR WANNABE: The compulsion you have described is, I don't have to tell you, an unusual one. Please find the courage to tell your parents what is on your mind. Your parents may want you to explore this issue with a psychotherapist. Do not be afraid to do so; it does not mean you are "crazy." However, it would be extremely helpful for you to understand what is driving this "need."

DEAR ABBY: In my line of work I come in contact with a lot of people. Occasionally, my clients bring up the subject of race and make unacceptable comments.

I have two beautiful biracial children and I feel I need to defend their honor and tell these people I do not approve of the comments. However, I have been informed by management that I am not allowed to say anything to the clients. I have spoken to a friend about this. She has also had encounters like mine.

How can I handle this tastefully and still keep my job? -- OFFENDED IN OBERLIN, OHIO

DEAR OFFENDED: A picture is worth a thousand words. If there are no rules against displaying family photographs, bring a lovely framed picture of your little ones to work and display it on your desk. Should anyone ask who the children are, smile sweetly and say, "They're mine." Unless the person is deliberately trying to be obnoxious, that should put an end to the comments.

DEAR ABBY: My 75-year-old paternal grandmother, "Granny Claire," smells like mothballs and she's totally unaware of it. She stores her winter clothes in a basement storage area filled with mothballs, and the odor has saturated her house and everything in it.

Other people have been offended by it and have made comments to my sister and me. We have tried to tell Granny nicely, but she acts like we're exaggerating and shrugs it off. No one can stay in her home for long periods.

At a recent function, people commented about the "funny odor" in the next room. It was Granny Claire! What can we do to help her? -- HOLDING MY NOSE IN N.J.

DEAR HOLDING: Your problem is not as uncommon as you might think. As people age their senses dull, and the senses of hearing, taste and smell can be affected. (Example: I recently heard from a man who was worried because his elderly mother did not seem to notice when food had spoiled in her refrigerator.)

In your grandmother's case, I recommend a family intervention that she cannot shrug off -- and that her son, your father, accompany her to an ear, nose and throat specialist for an evaluation.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Adam," is 9. He's very bright and earns straight A's in school. Adam gets in trouble now and then for goofing off, but nothing serious.

Adam has become friends with a boy in his class named "Sean," who has been in trouble quite often and has even been suspended from school. I happen to know that Sean's parents have drugs in their home and have been in trouble with the law.

Although allowing my son to go to Sean's house is out of the question, I have considered permitting Sean to come here and play where I can keep a close eye on him. I can't help but see that Sean is an innocent child who needs a positive influence. Would I be wrong to allow Adam to invite him over? Or should I discourage this friendship altogether? I'm unsure how to handle this. -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MOM: You are in a position to make an important difference in that child's life. You could be the influence that turns his life around. The more time Sean spends in your home, the more he will be able to experience what a healthy family is like. As long as your son's friend follows the rules at your house, I see no reason why he should not be invited over. So be an angel and throw the boy a lifeline.

DEAR ABBY: I moved in with my gentleman friend "Victor" eight months ago. I have insisted on paying for my room and board even though I was between jobs and money is tight.

Recently, over my objections, Victor emptied a room of my personal effects to make room for his guests. He has put me in a smaller room, which he also wants to make available to his guest's guests. Mind you, by "personal effects" I mean my underwear, jewelry, bills and personal papers, etc. There is only one full bathroom in his house, so this room is also where I dress and take care of private matters.

The "guests" are usually Victor's grown sons and their girlfriends. I no longer have warm, fuzzy feelings for this man. Am I being unreasonable or unforgiving? Victor says I don't need to go, but I think it's time I move on. What do you think? -- UNFAIR IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNFAIR: By moving your belongings over your objection, Victor has sent you an important message. He may think you don't need to go, but since you no longer have "warm, fuzzy feelings" for him, I agree that you must. It's not unreasonable or unforgiving; it is rational.

DEAR ABBY: This is my seventh year of marriage to a wonderful, loving and caring man. We were both widowed when we met. He has four sons and one daughter. The daughter does not approve of me, which is fine since she lives out of town.

My problem is none of his children know how to introduce me. They always proudly introduce their father, and then they say, "... and this is 'Doris.'" It makes me feel like I am a live-in instead of his wife.

Could you please tell me what the correct introduction should be so he can pass it on to his children? They are all grown and married, so they don't want to say, "This is my stepmother," and that's OK, too, I guess. My children say, "This is my mother and her husband, 'John,' or my stepdad, 'John.'" Please help. -- STEPMOM IN CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR STEPMOM: The correct introduction should be, "This is my father and his wife, Doris."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)