DEAR ABBY: My son, "Adam," is 9. He's very bright and earns straight A's in school. Adam gets in trouble now and then for goofing off, but nothing serious.

Adam has become friends with a boy in his class named "Sean," who has been in trouble quite often and has even been suspended from school. I happen to know that Sean's parents have drugs in their home and have been in trouble with the law.

Although allowing my son to go to Sean's house is out of the question, I have considered permitting Sean to come here and play where I can keep a close eye on him. I can't help but see that Sean is an innocent child who needs a positive influence. Would I be wrong to allow Adam to invite him over? Or should I discourage this friendship altogether? I'm unsure how to handle this. -- PROTECTIVE MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MOM: You are in a position to make an important difference in that child's life. You could be the influence that turns his life around. The more time Sean spends in your home, the more he will be able to experience what a healthy family is like. As long as your son's friend follows the rules at your house, I see no reason why he should not be invited over. So be an angel and throw the boy a lifeline.

DEAR ABBY: I moved in with my gentleman friend "Victor" eight months ago. I have insisted on paying for my room and board even though I was between jobs and money is tight.

Recently, over my objections, Victor emptied a room of my personal effects to make room for his guests. He has put me in a smaller room, which he also wants to make available to his guest's guests. Mind you, by "personal effects" I mean my underwear, jewelry, bills and personal papers, etc. There is only one full bathroom in his house, so this room is also where I dress and take care of private matters.

The "guests" are usually Victor's grown sons and their girlfriends. I no longer have warm, fuzzy feelings for this man. Am I being unreasonable or unforgiving? Victor says I don't need to go, but I think it's time I move on. What do you think? -- UNFAIR IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNFAIR: By moving your belongings over your objection, Victor has sent you an important message. He may think you don't need to go, but since you no longer have "warm, fuzzy feelings" for him, I agree that you must. It's not unreasonable or unforgiving; it is rational.

DEAR ABBY: This is my seventh year of marriage to a wonderful, loving and caring man. We were both widowed when we met. He has four sons and one daughter. The daughter does not approve of me, which is fine since she lives out of town.

My problem is none of his children know how to introduce me. They always proudly introduce their father, and then they say, "... and this is 'Doris.'" It makes me feel like I am a live-in instead of his wife.

Could you please tell me what the correct introduction should be so he can pass it on to his children? They are all grown and married, so they don't want to say, "This is my stepmother," and that's OK, too, I guess. My children say, "This is my mother and her husband, 'John,' or my stepdad, 'John.'" Please help. -- STEPMOM IN CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR STEPMOM: The correct introduction should be, "This is my father and his wife, Doris."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm so confused. I was seeing this guy, "Stan," for almost three years. Then he joined the Navy. Before he left, he told me not to wait for him, so we broke up.

Several months later, I began dating "Ollie." Things were getting serious, and I discovered I was pregnant. When I told Ollie about the baby, he dumped me.

Meanwhile, Stan came home on leave. He told me he loved me, and asked me to wait for him to finish his training, and then we would be together again. About a month later I suffered a miscarriage.

Not long after that, Ollie came to see me and I told him I had lost the baby. He told me he knew he had been wrong to leave me when he found out I was pregnant, and said he wanted us to get back together.

I am deeply in love with Stan, however, he's not here and Ollie is –- and frankly, I care for him, too. -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS: Ollie has demonstrated that when the chips are down and you needed him, he wasn't man enough to accept responsibility and support you. That is an example of his character. Do you want to face life's problems alone, or have a partner who will be there for you? Answer that question and you'll know which man to choose.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are giving me a hard time, and I need a second opinion. For the past four years, I have lived with a bad gall bladder. I finally had it removed last January.

I am now on a fairly strict diet of "do's and don'ts." Although we have explained this to my in-laws many times, they don't seem to get the message that I cannot eat "normal" food.

Would it be rude for me to bring my own food to family dinners, or should I just grin and bear it and sit there and not eat on these occasions? -- WANTS TO BE PROPER IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR WANTS TO BE PROPER: Your health must come first. Since you are on a restricted diet, and your in-laws seem unwilling or unable to accommodate you, by all means bring your own food.

DEAR ABBY: Does anyone know, or even care, how it feels to be a widow? With the exception of her children or other widows, I doubt it matters to very many others.

I have tried to be outgoing, staying attractive and accepting invitations. I really looked forward to the recent wedding of one of my relatives. However, at the reception it did not take long for the loneliness to set in as I watched the couples dance with each other and with guests at other tables. Throughout the entire evening, I hoped someone would ask me to dance. It never happened.

There's a song, "Put on a Happy Face." I'm very good at it when people hurt me. I wore mine all evening.

I have a message for those people having a good time dancing at wedding receptions: Please dance with widowed relatives and friends. It will save them trips to the ladies room to cry. -- HAPPY FACE IN S. DAKOTA

DEAR HAPPY FACE: My heart ached a little when I read your poignant letter. Thank you for reminding people to pay attention to the wallflowers.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 55 years –- more than half a century. We come from a generation where living together and having children before marriage was unthinkable.

Our 21-year-old granddaughter, "Stella," and her boyfriend moved in together two years ago, in what they called a "trial marriage." Last month, Stella gave birth to a baby girl and sent my husband and me a birth announcement.

We mailed it back with a note telling Stella we are ashamed of their conduct and lack of morals. We also told them there's nothing to celebrate about this birth of an out-of-wedlock child.

Four days later, my daughter (Stella's mother) phoned us in a rage. She said things are different nowadays and we have no right to impose our "outdated moral values" on their daughter and her boyfriend. My daughter insists we owe them an apology. She says we are out of line. Your opinion, please. -- STANDING BY OUR CONVICTIONS IN ARIZONA

DEAR STANDING: Although you come from a generation that believes it is best for a child to be born into an established family, with parents who are committed to each other enough to follow through with the legalities, it's time to face the fact that a sizable number of younger people feel differently today.

Your moral values are not outdated, but you do owe the couple an apology for lashing out at them in anger. It was cruel to have returned the birth announcement and told your granddaughter that the birth of her daughter was nothing to celebrate. Simply not responding at all would have signaled your disapproval and been much kinder.

DEAR ABBY: I know that good Christians are supposed to practice forgiveness, but it's not always easy to do. My husband, "Carl," has been having an off-and-on affair with my brother's wife, "Joanne."

I found out when I accidentally caught them together. Carl begged me to forgive him. He said it was all a terrible mistake. We started marriage counseling, but all that came out of it was his confession that the affair had been going on for 15 years. When I confided it to my sister, she told me that Joanne had tried to seduce her husband, too.

Over the years, I had felt uneasy about Joanne flirting with my husband. I talked to them about it at one point, but they said I was being hormonal and it was only my imagination. I feel like a fool for believing them.

I offered Carl a divorce, but he insists that he loves me. He says he's sorry and he wants to stay with me. We've been married for 36 years, and have raised three boys and two girls together. We have seven grandchildren.

Carl and I are respected members of our community. We have been successful in our business and our church. Our neighbors would be scandalized if they knew about all this.

Carl is begging me to give him another chance, but how can I ever trust him again? -- DISILLUSIONED WIFE IN DELAWARE

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: You have everything to gain and nothing to lose if you give it a try. Although your hurt and distrust are understandable, it isn't too late to salvage your marriage if you are both willing to work at it. Take a fresh look at your lives, recommit yourselves to each other and promise to spend the rest of your days making each other happy. It may not be easy at first, but other couples have succeeded, and you can, too.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)