DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Sam," and I have been together for 12 years, happily married for seven. We get along great, with only one area of major conflict.

I am a dog lover. Before we married, I owned three beautiful springer spaniels. Sam knew that dogs were one of my greatest joys in life. He also knew that living with indoor dogs was important to me, and that I'd like to have between three and eight of them.

We now have four indoor dogs. One of the dogs I had when I was single died two years ago, and my husband and I have adopted two. I'd love to get another one, but Sam says we have enough. He says the dogs cause wear and tear on our home, and are expensive to maintain, especially since one of them requires medication for a heart problem.

I have a home-based business and enjoy the companionship of our "babies" enormously. I am their sole caregiver, and although I may not be the greatest housekeeper, our home is presentable. All of our pets are obedience school graduates.

I have offered to compromise. I even suggested that we keep any new dogs outside, although that would break my heart. My offers have fallen on deaf ears.

Please don't think that Sam is jealous of the dogs. That's not the case. He simply doesn't love animals like I do. I'm starting to resent that I can't have another dog because animals mean so much to me. Please tell me what you think. -- JUST ONE MORE IN MARYLAND

DEAR JUST ONE MORE: Unless you want your marriage to end up in the doghouse, please reorganize your priorities. Since you feel the need to care for other dogs, consider donating some of your free time to an animal shelter. They would welcome you with open arms, and there would be peace in your household.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in the seventh grade. I am labeled as "shy" and "quiet" by my teachers and a lot of the kids at school. But when I'm at home or with close friends, they know differently.

What can I say when teachers say, "Oh, you're so quiet. Why don't you say anything?"

Abby, please let teachers know that these remarks only make matters worse. My mom and some of my friends have had the same experience.

Is there a polite response when people ask me why I'm quiet? -- ON THE SPOT IN ALABAMA

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Try this: "I never learned anything while talking, but I have learned a lot while listening."

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and in the seventh grade. I am labeled as "shy" and "quiet" by my teachers and a lot of the kids at school. But when I'm at home or with close friends, they know differently.

What can I say when teachers say, "Oh, you're so quiet. Why don't you say anything?"

Abby, please let teachers know that these remarks only make matters worse. My mom and some of my friends have had the same experience.

Is there a polite response when people ask me why I'm quiet? -- ON THE SPOT IN ALABAMA

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Try this: "I never learned anything while talking, but I have learned a lot while listening."

DEAR ABBY: When a ceremonial toast is proposed, what is the rule of etiquette for someone who does not drink alcoholic beverages and nothing else is available? -- SOBER ROSE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SOBER ROSE: There is no rule of etiquette that says you must drink. If no other beverage has been provided for you, raise the glass you have been given, say, "Hear, hear!" and put the glass down again.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a successful, 25-year-old professional woman, in an amazing relationship with a man I'll call "Riley." We plan to be married in June.

The worm in the apple is this: His parents are not happy with the fact that I have an 8-year-old daughter, "Kyra." I was raped at 16 and chose to keep my baby.

Riley loves Kyra, and vice versa. But Riley's parents can't accept Kyra and me. It hurts my daughter not to be accepted, just as it hurts me. Riley has talked to his parents about the situation, but they are stubborn.

How can I get his parents to love us as their son has? -- HURT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURT: You could campaign for their love from now until the cows come home, but you can't instill love in someone's heart if it isn't there to begin with. And if you were by some miracle able to achieve it, it could take years. Even if Riley demanded that his mother and father treat you and your daughter with kindness and respect, there is no guarantee they would comply. Please take this into consideration before proceeding with your wedding plans.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 9-year-old daughter, "Bianca," who lives with her father. While Bianca was visiting me last summer, she noticed that she was "changing" physically. I took it upon myself to talk with my daughter about her changes and all of the things that come with going through puberty, including getting her monthly cycle.

Bianca came back to visit at Christmas and informed me that her father and stepmother have told her that she is too young to talk about her cycle. I want to confront them about this, but how do I do it without being offensive? Bianca's father is very controlling and has a temper, and the smallest statement always leads to chaos. I am worried that my daughter may be punished because she told me what they said to her. -- WORRIED IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR WORRIED: You did the right thing in talking to your daughter. Your ex-husband and his wife appear to be ignorant of the fact that girls are maturing at younger and younger ages, and need to know what to expect as their bodies develop. Rather than "confronting" them, make it clear to Bianca that if she has any questions, she can always safely address them to you. It would be better for your daughter than causing a fight.

DEAR ABBY: Even as a young girl, I have always loved horses. I have recently taken on the joyful responsibility of leasing a friend's horse, to help out with expenses, and also to learn what it would be like to actually own my own horse.

It has been only three months, and I have spent three times the amount of money that my "friend" has, and have done all of the labor to boot. By "labor," I mean cleaning horses, mucking out the stalls, cleaning water buckets and feed bins, cleaning the office, and even picking up her daughter and bringing her to and from the barn.

My question, is, how do people like my "friend" continue to look themselves in the eye after taking advantage of an honest, sincere sucker? -- TAKEN FOR A RIDE IN CHESAPEAKE, VA.

DEAR TAKEN FOR A RIDE: Three months is a pretty long ride. A more pertinent question would be, Why have you allowed it to continue? My advice is to look at all the things you have learned from this experience, and in the future, resist the urge to be so "helpful." Tally-ho!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm going with a girl from Denver who tells me that when a couple travels together on trips, cruises, etc., they share the expenses.

But when they get engaged, the fellow should pay all expenses on all trips, etc. Is this what they do in Denver, or will I be taken advantage of? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: The attitude you describe is not specific to one geographical area. You are being put on notice that the moment you put a ring on this young woman's finger, you will be expected to support her financially. If that's your definition of being taken advantage of, find a girl from a lower altitude with less lofty expectations.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you'll print this. Many women will face what happened to me. They should be prepared. After 36 years of marriage, I finally confronted my husband about his cheating. I had remained silent for decades, hoping he'd change as he grew older. His response? He left me and filed for divorce. He said I had been a good wife, but he wanted to start a new life.

Thank the Lord that before I confronted him, I had begun to get my affairs in order. I had been saving from my household allowance (I was a stay-at-home mother of four), knowing I'd need money to defend myself should he ever leave me. I gathered all the information I could about our finances and photographed all of our possessions. (We had numerous vehicles and RV equipment.) Had I acted differently, I would have lost my share of our assets, as he tried to hide them. Because I had prepared carefully, my attorney was able to uncover the hidden items and property.

I also got my GED certificate, took nurse's training and began looking for a job. I had already established credit in my own name, using my husband's salary because I had none. (I did it at department stores, and used the credit wisely, never overextending it.)

I did not confront my husband until I was prepared to take care of myself. Nor did I rave or make a fool of myself. Aware that my children still loved their father, even if they no longer respected him, I didn't try to destroy him. I remained a lady through it all, so that if he came to his senses and realized our marriage was worth saving, I'd have no regrets about my actions.

I also shopped around for a good lawyer. I confided only in trusted individuals, not mutual friends. I knew, above all, how important it was to be discreet.

While I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy, I'm glad I handled it the way I did. It took more than five years for me to recover. My life will never be the same. I lost my husband, my church, my last child left home, and I went through menopause -- all in one year. But if I can survive, anyone can. -- STANDING TALL IN TEXAS

DEAR STANDING TALL: I wish you success and happiness in your new life. As difficult as your recovery period may have been, it couldn't have been more painful than pretending you didn't know your husband was a serial cheater.

It never fails to amaze me how many strong women do not realize how resilient they are. And by that I mean, they marshal their inner resources to put one foot in front of the other, and keep marching even when the odds are against them, until they see daylight.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)