DEAR ABBY: I'm going with a girl from Denver who tells me that when a couple travels together on trips, cruises, etc., they share the expenses.

But when they get engaged, the fellow should pay all expenses on all trips, etc. Is this what they do in Denver, or will I be taken advantage of? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: The attitude you describe is not specific to one geographical area. You are being put on notice that the moment you put a ring on this young woman's finger, you will be expected to support her financially. If that's your definition of being taken advantage of, find a girl from a lower altitude with less lofty expectations.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you'll print this. Many women will face what happened to me. They should be prepared. After 36 years of marriage, I finally confronted my husband about his cheating. I had remained silent for decades, hoping he'd change as he grew older. His response? He left me and filed for divorce. He said I had been a good wife, but he wanted to start a new life.

Thank the Lord that before I confronted him, I had begun to get my affairs in order. I had been saving from my household allowance (I was a stay-at-home mother of four), knowing I'd need money to defend myself should he ever leave me. I gathered all the information I could about our finances and photographed all of our possessions. (We had numerous vehicles and RV equipment.) Had I acted differently, I would have lost my share of our assets, as he tried to hide them. Because I had prepared carefully, my attorney was able to uncover the hidden items and property.

I also got my GED certificate, took nurse's training and began looking for a job. I had already established credit in my own name, using my husband's salary because I had none. (I did it at department stores, and used the credit wisely, never overextending it.)

I did not confront my husband until I was prepared to take care of myself. Nor did I rave or make a fool of myself. Aware that my children still loved their father, even if they no longer respected him, I didn't try to destroy him. I remained a lady through it all, so that if he came to his senses and realized our marriage was worth saving, I'd have no regrets about my actions.

I also shopped around for a good lawyer. I confided only in trusted individuals, not mutual friends. I knew, above all, how important it was to be discreet.

While I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy, I'm glad I handled it the way I did. It took more than five years for me to recover. My life will never be the same. I lost my husband, my church, my last child left home, and I went through menopause -- all in one year. But if I can survive, anyone can. -- STANDING TALL IN TEXAS

DEAR STANDING TALL: I wish you success and happiness in your new life. As difficult as your recovery period may have been, it couldn't have been more painful than pretending you didn't know your husband was a serial cheater.

It never fails to amaze me how many strong women do not realize how resilient they are. And by that I mean, they marshal their inner resources to put one foot in front of the other, and keep marching even when the odds are against them, until they see daylight.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column, writers expressed concerns about early hearing screening for newborns and young children. Your readers should know that Early Hearing Detection and Intervention (known as the EHDI program) is a nationwide priority supported by several federal agencies, state governments, and most hospitals that offer obstetrics/delivery services.

We at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention are proud to be a part of this effort. We have long advocated screening to detect hearing loss. Early intervention gives children the best possible start in life.

Most states and territories have EHDI programs that support efforts to detect hearing loss in babies early. The foundation of the EHDI program is the 1-3-6 Plan, whose goals ensure that:

-- Babies are screened for hearing loss before 1 month of age (ideally before the baby leaves the hospital).

-- Babies are referred for diagnostic hearing and medical evaluation before 3 months of age (if they do not pass the first screening or a re-screening).

-- Babies are enrolled in intervention services before 6 months of age if a hearing loss is identified.

The importance of early intervention cannot be overstated. Early detection and intervention help very young children develop vital communication skills that will last a lifetime, and maximize their potential for positive growth. -- JOSE F. CORDERO, M.D., DIRECTOR, NATIONAL CENTER ON BIRTH DEFECTS AND DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILITIES

DEAR DR. CORDERO: Your letter will be of interest to parents-to-be, so thank you for taking the time to write. Readers, for more information on EHDI or how to contact your state or territorial EHDI program, visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Web site: www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/ehdi.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Jeremy" for four years. I thought we had a wonderful marriage. A few months ago, I had his cell phone records pulled because I suspected Jeremy was being deceitful about the people who were paging him. I was shocked to discover that he had been in constant contact with the girl he had dated before me, and also another woman who is also married. Then I found out he had been out to dinner with both of them without my knowledge.

Jeremy swore to me that he would no longer have contact with either of them and said our marriage was more important than his "friendships." Because I no longer trusted him, I had his phone records pulled again; nothing has changed. He says he remains in contact with them just to be nice.

Abby, I am not a jealous spouse. Jeremy has many female friends who call the house, and it doesn't upset me because they speak to me as well. I feel so betrayed. Why would my husband destroy our marriage and constantly lie if he has no feelings for these other women? -- HURTING IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR HURTING: You're asking the wrong person. Only your husband can answer that question. A marriage without trust is no marriage at all, and it's important that you find out why he would jeopardize his relationship with you in order to maintain those friendships. Counseling for the two of you might be helpful -- but only if he's willing to work on this issue. You have my sympathy.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 22-year-old daughter who insists on wearing low-rise jeans. I have seen half her rear end at least five times, and I'm embarrassed for her. I have had to tell her every time. When I do, she acts mad at me for saying something. Last October, she squatted down to look in a box at a yard sale, and the poor elderly gentleman who was trying to assist her had quite a view. It was awful! I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture and blow it up to an 8-by-10 so she could see what everyone else is seeing. Believe me, this is no laughing matter.

This couldn't be the style -- to show off so much skin -- is it? Please, Abby, print this. Maybe my daughter will see your response. She says she doesn't care. How can that be? Where did I do wrong in rearing this one? -- BUMMED-OUT MOTHER, BRIGHTWOOD, VA.

DEAR MOTHER: You didn't go wrong; your daughter is a willing slave to fashion. It seems every generation has its own erogenous zone on display. Remember the lyric, "In olden days, a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking. Now Heaven knows, anything goes!" In the '60s it was the thigh. In the '90s it was exposed navels adorned with gold rings. Today the fashion industry appears to have turned us into a nation of "crack addicts." The trend will end only when God grants us the gift to see ourselves as others see us -- in other words, "hindsight."

DEAR ABBY: I have just had an upsetting experience. I walked into my local public library this morning to find a man angrily confronting one of the librarians. I don't eavesdrop, but there was no way to miss what he was saying because he was shouting.

Apparently, when it was his turn to be helped, he was on his cell phone and refused to hang up. She informed him that she would help the next person in line, and then help him when he had finished his conversation. Part of his problem, according to him, was that he was so involved with his cell phone call that he hadn't heard what the librarian said!

I don't feel that was the librarian's fault. I don't see why she and the other people in line should have been expected to wait for him to finish his call, and I certainly don't understand why he felt entitled to intimidate this woman. His anger upset me, and I wasn't even involved, so I can only imagine how she must have felt. She was visibly shaking after he left.

Isn't it time for some rules of conduct for cell phone use? -- COURTESY, PLEASE, IN SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR C.P.: It should not be necessary to have written rules of conduct for cell phone users. Common sense and basic good manners should apply. The librarian was within her rights to take the next person in line if the one in front of her was preoccupied. And if the man was belligerent and intimidating, she was also within her rights to have a security guard escort him out.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating this great-looking girl, "Marcy," for some time now. I'm completely attracted to her, except for one small thing. She has really bad shoulder acne.

We have discussed the issue, but we can't seem to determine the cause. Any suggestions? -- FRETTIN' IN FRESNO

DEAR FRETTIN': Absolutely. Marcy can resolve her problem by consulting a doctor who specializes in skin problems -- a dermatologist. Please encourage her to consult one.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)