DEAR ABBY: I am 40 years old and have a close friend whom I have known since elementary school. She has been married for many years and has a beautiful home and family.

Abby, my friend is addicted to painkillers. She will cut herself or burn herself just so she can go to the ER to get pills. She goes to different hospitals and urgent care centers each time.

I have an ongoing medical condition, and she has begged me for my pills (which I need), offered to buy them from me and become irate when I refused. She has even told me that she offers to pay for other people's prescriptions if they'll give her half their pills.

This is putting a damper on our friendship, and I'm not sure what to do. Your thoughts, please. -- WORRIED IN WICHITA

DEAR WORRIED: Your friend is a prescription drug addict. She will need professional help to kick that habit, and possibly a support group thereafter. The kindest thing you could do for her is to tell her husband what you have told me, so he can alert her doctor and find help for her.

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old son, "Fritz," is lying to me. He is given 25 cents every school day for milk at lunch. Lately, I have been finding this money in his pocket when I do laundry. When I asked my son about it, Fritz looked me straight in the eye and told me the price of milk went up to 35 cents last September. I know for a fact this is not true.

My husband, "Frank," thinks this is no big deal, but for me the fact that Fritz is looking me in the eye and lying to me is very serious. If he's lying about this small issue at 10, what will he be doing in five years? How can I ever be sure he's telling the truth?

There are many other issues involving our children where Frank refuses to back me up. I'm ready to throw in the towel and leave him to deal with it all. I'm exhausted and can't fight it anymore. I'm afraid to even suggest family therapy. Frank would never be physically abusive, but I'm afraid that he would just shut down emotionally. The only thing we have going for us is that he's a great dad. Take that away, and I'm afraid we will fall apart completely. -- WORN OUT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORN OUT: Under no circumstances must you tolerate your son lying to you. Tell him you are going to check on his story, and if it turns out to be untrue, you will be forced to punish him. Give him a chance to own up. If he comes clean -- could it be he doesn't like milk? -- do not punish him. If he continues to lie, then you must take away enough of his privileges that he will forevermore remember the penalty for lying.

P.S. Please wake up to the fact that "great dads" do not turn a blind eye when their children lie or misbehave. Nor do they fail to back their spouse when it comes to discipline, hoping to make themselves look good at the other's expense. If all that's holding your marriage together is the illusion that your husband is a great dad, you two are in serious trouble. However, until you are both willing to work on it, nothing will change. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Caucasian woman married to a Filipino man. We have a 9-month-old daughter. The problem is that strangers come up to me and ask if my daughter is adopted. I find this extremely offensive. What can I say to these people? -- TEACHING TOLERANCE IN TAMPA

DEAR TEACHING TOLERANCE: Just say no -– and keep walking.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I work a night-shift job, as does my sister-in-law, who lives in my home. People who don't work nights cannot seem to understand the need for us to get our sleep during the day. They frequently call at noon, wondering why we're not up yet.

These people need to know that noon is just like midnight for people who work the day shift. Many nights I go to work on less than four hours of sleep, mainly because if people can't reach me on the house phone, they'll call my cell phone, which is the emergency number for my husband and kids.

My answering machine clearly states that I "work nights and sleep days, so please leave a message and I'll return the call."

Your column is widely read, and I'm certain that a good number of other night-shift workers would appreciate it if you could spread the word: Those of us who work nights need the same amount of sleep that people who work days do. -- SLEEPLESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I'm pleased to help spread the word. For callers to bypass your answering machine and use your cell phone number is rude, inconsiderate, and could endanger your health. Sleep deprivation can cause memory and concentration problems, accidents and mistakes at work, increase blood pressure, and even compromise the immune system. In the interests of self-preservation, change your cell phone number, and instruct your husband and kids not to disclose it to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I am the happily married mother of 1-year-old and 2-year-old boys; "Jonathan" is the older and "Kevin" is my baby. Because my elderly parents live close by, we make sure they see our children often. Also, I make time every morning to talk to my mother.

It has become clear to my husband and me that Mom favors Jonathan. When Kevin was an infant, Mom would literally step over him to get to Jonathan. Until it caused a rift, she would "jokingly" refer to Kevin as "the other one."

Recently, Kevin had a violent allergic reaction to some medication. Mom's first concern was how Jonathan reacted to his little brother's being ill.

When I share a milestone with my mother, she is quick to compare Kevin unfavorably with his brother. I could list many other examples.

I am saddened, disgusted and furious. I have confronted Mother more times than I can count. Most times she denies it; sometimes she says she feels Jonathan is just "special." The boys are still too young to understand, but it won't always be that way. My husband's family is not involved much in our lives, so mine is extra-important. How do I deal with this problem? -- DISTRESSED IN DAYTON

DEAR DISTRESSED: Since reasoning with your mother hasn't helped, it's time to lay down the law. Tell her either she becomes a better actress in dealing with the boys, or you'll be forced to limit her access to them. And if she doesn't shape up, act on it.

Small children can sense favoritism and discrimination, and it is hurtful. Rather than blame the adult, children often blame themselves for it. So draw the line now, before your little one's self-esteem is affected.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, "Neil," broke up with me last August. At the time, I couldn't understand why he suddenly changed so drastically. Early in our relationship he had been accepting of my two children, but toward the end he became distant and cold to them. Then he told me he didn't want to raise another man's children and wasn't interested in being a mentor to a teenage boy.

Neil was also angry that I refused to end my relationship with my best friend, who happens to be a gay man. Neil said there is no place in society for gays and he didn't want a gay person calling his house.

Neil works for a company that he has always had an interest in owning. Last spring, the owner died suddenly and left shares of the business to his widow, "Nancy," and their children. Neil told me he intended to borrow money from his family and buy out the youngest son's interest -- but his family didn't have the money to loan. About a month after that, in the midst of complaining to me about his financial woes, Neil commented, "Maybe I'll get me a rich older woman to take care of me ... someone like Nancy."

Over the next few months, I saw him less and less. Little did I know Neil had already manipulated a relationship with her.

Abby, Nancy is a very nice, classy person. I like the woman. I went to her home for her husband's wake. Should I tell Nancy what Neil is up to, that he's a conniving loser? I'm afraid if I do, she won't believe me. Neil can be very sweet when he wants to be, and I'm sure she hasn't glimpsed his hateful, controlling side. His only real love is money and power.

My motive is not spite. I don't want Neil back. I have a new boyfriend who is everything Neil could never be. I just feel Nancy should know what's ahead. She has a gay teenage son. I'm sure when Neil gets what he wants, that boy's life will be hell.

So, you tell me: Should I talk to Nancy and risk looking like sour grapes, or let her find out what a lowlife, gold-digging scumbag Neil is for herself? -- TORN IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TORN: Ordinarily, I would tell you to stay out of it. However, because of Nancy's son, I'm reversing myself. Make a date with Nancy (if she'll see you), and without calling names, tell her about Neil's longtime interest in buying into her business, his cash-flow problem and his homophobia. If she has a legal adviser, I'm sure that person will discuss with her the advisability of a prenuptial agreement should she decide to remarry. And your conscience will be clear.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old. At home, when I do something wrong, I am usually threatened with a loss of my allowance, but lately it has gotten more severe. I took some food off my sister's plate. I was warned against it, but I continued to take her food.

My father threatened me with a $20 deduction from my allowance. I don't get that much money in a month! Was that unreasonable of him, and furthermore, is this blackmail? -- BIG SIS IN SILVER SPRING

DEAR SIS: It was neither unreasonable nor blackmail. It was an expensive life lesson. Your father was telling you that the price for ignoring his warning would be steep, and he did it in a way that got your attention. In the future, I'll bet you won't ignore your dad when he gives you a warning.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)