DEAR ABBY: I work a night-shift job, as does my sister-in-law, who lives in my home. People who don't work nights cannot seem to understand the need for us to get our sleep during the day. They frequently call at noon, wondering why we're not up yet.

These people need to know that noon is just like midnight for people who work the day shift. Many nights I go to work on less than four hours of sleep, mainly because if people can't reach me on the house phone, they'll call my cell phone, which is the emergency number for my husband and kids.

My answering machine clearly states that I "work nights and sleep days, so please leave a message and I'll return the call."

Your column is widely read, and I'm certain that a good number of other night-shift workers would appreciate it if you could spread the word: Those of us who work nights need the same amount of sleep that people who work days do. -- SLEEPLESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I'm pleased to help spread the word. For callers to bypass your answering machine and use your cell phone number is rude, inconsiderate, and could endanger your health. Sleep deprivation can cause memory and concentration problems, accidents and mistakes at work, increase blood pressure, and even compromise the immune system. In the interests of self-preservation, change your cell phone number, and instruct your husband and kids not to disclose it to anyone.

DEAR ABBY: I am the happily married mother of 1-year-old and 2-year-old boys; "Jonathan" is the older and "Kevin" is my baby. Because my elderly parents live close by, we make sure they see our children often. Also, I make time every morning to talk to my mother.

It has become clear to my husband and me that Mom favors Jonathan. When Kevin was an infant, Mom would literally step over him to get to Jonathan. Until it caused a rift, she would "jokingly" refer to Kevin as "the other one."

Recently, Kevin had a violent allergic reaction to some medication. Mom's first concern was how Jonathan reacted to his little brother's being ill.

When I share a milestone with my mother, she is quick to compare Kevin unfavorably with his brother. I could list many other examples.

I am saddened, disgusted and furious. I have confronted Mother more times than I can count. Most times she denies it; sometimes she says she feels Jonathan is just "special." The boys are still too young to understand, but it won't always be that way. My husband's family is not involved much in our lives, so mine is extra-important. How do I deal with this problem? -- DISTRESSED IN DAYTON

DEAR DISTRESSED: Since reasoning with your mother hasn't helped, it's time to lay down the law. Tell her either she becomes a better actress in dealing with the boys, or you'll be forced to limit her access to them. And if she doesn't shape up, act on it.

Small children can sense favoritism and discrimination, and it is hurtful. Rather than blame the adult, children often blame themselves for it. So draw the line now, before your little one's self-esteem is affected.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, "Neil," broke up with me last August. At the time, I couldn't understand why he suddenly changed so drastically. Early in our relationship he had been accepting of my two children, but toward the end he became distant and cold to them. Then he told me he didn't want to raise another man's children and wasn't interested in being a mentor to a teenage boy.

Neil was also angry that I refused to end my relationship with my best friend, who happens to be a gay man. Neil said there is no place in society for gays and he didn't want a gay person calling his house.

Neil works for a company that he has always had an interest in owning. Last spring, the owner died suddenly and left shares of the business to his widow, "Nancy," and their children. Neil told me he intended to borrow money from his family and buy out the youngest son's interest -- but his family didn't have the money to loan. About a month after that, in the midst of complaining to me about his financial woes, Neil commented, "Maybe I'll get me a rich older woman to take care of me ... someone like Nancy."

Over the next few months, I saw him less and less. Little did I know Neil had already manipulated a relationship with her.

Abby, Nancy is a very nice, classy person. I like the woman. I went to her home for her husband's wake. Should I tell Nancy what Neil is up to, that he's a conniving loser? I'm afraid if I do, she won't believe me. Neil can be very sweet when he wants to be, and I'm sure she hasn't glimpsed his hateful, controlling side. His only real love is money and power.

My motive is not spite. I don't want Neil back. I have a new boyfriend who is everything Neil could never be. I just feel Nancy should know what's ahead. She has a gay teenage son. I'm sure when Neil gets what he wants, that boy's life will be hell.

So, you tell me: Should I talk to Nancy and risk looking like sour grapes, or let her find out what a lowlife, gold-digging scumbag Neil is for herself? -- TORN IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TORN: Ordinarily, I would tell you to stay out of it. However, because of Nancy's son, I'm reversing myself. Make a date with Nancy (if she'll see you), and without calling names, tell her about Neil's longtime interest in buying into her business, his cash-flow problem and his homophobia. If she has a legal adviser, I'm sure that person will discuss with her the advisability of a prenuptial agreement should she decide to remarry. And your conscience will be clear.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old. At home, when I do something wrong, I am usually threatened with a loss of my allowance, but lately it has gotten more severe. I took some food off my sister's plate. I was warned against it, but I continued to take her food.

My father threatened me with a $20 deduction from my allowance. I don't get that much money in a month! Was that unreasonable of him, and furthermore, is this blackmail? -- BIG SIS IN SILVER SPRING

DEAR SIS: It was neither unreasonable nor blackmail. It was an expensive life lesson. Your father was telling you that the price for ignoring his warning would be steep, and he did it in a way that got your attention. In the future, I'll bet you won't ignore your dad when he gives you a warning.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wilmer," and I are in our mid-50s. We've been married 35 years, and for the most part we have gotten along great. However, for about the last 12 years, Wilmer has been on this kick that when we're on a road trip, he wants me to "flash" truckers. At times, he has even tried to get me to show everything.

I was raised to be modest and have told my husband repeatedly that I don't want to do it, that the mere suggestion makes me uncomfortable. He says I'm not getting any younger and I'll regret it someday. Last weekend, we were on the road again, and he wanted me to do the trucker thing. When I refused, I got the silent treatment for the rest of the trip.

After we returned home, Wilmer and I were in our hot tub, and he said another trip had been "wasted" because I wouldn't cooperate.

I am not a prude. I enjoy sex with my husband, but I'm not an exhibitionist. I have thought about talking to my pastor, but Wilmer would just say he's on my side because I believe in God and my husband is an atheist. Please help me. I don't think our sex life needs a third party. -- UNDERCOVER WIFE IN S.C.

DEAR UNDERCOVER WIFE: Neither do I. What your husband is suggesting could cause a fatal accident. Please remind Wilmer that indecent exposure is a crime and that he is going to have to get his kicks somewhere other than Route 66.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and a junior in high school. For the past year and a half, I have been taking ballroom dancing lessons and was assigned a teenage dance partner. To make a long story short, I fell for him. It was a schoolgirl crush for a while, and I would call him daily.

A few months ago, he finally decided to date me. It didn't last long. After six weeks we broke up. It turned out that he didn't really like me. We have sort of gone back to being friends.

Is there any way I can get over him quicker? I can't pretend he's dead or anything. How can I get the pain to stop so we can just be friends? I have to ballroom dance with him every week, and it hurts to waltz with someone you know doesn't reciprocate your feelings. -- TAKES TWO TO TANGO

DEAR TAKES TWO: The obvious answer would be to ask your teacher to assign you a different partner. However, if the two of you are dancing in competition and it's not practical, then you'll have to readjust the way you think about the young man. When you go to the dance floor, take a mental step backward. Tell yourself he is your business partner, because in a sense that's what he is. I'm not saying it will be easy to do. But it might give you a different perspective -- and that's a "step" in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently engaged to a wonderful man whose wife died a year and a half ago. My problem is that he is thinking about inviting his wife's sisters and their families to our wedding next year. I don't believe it would be proper, nor do I want them at my wedding. Please help. -- MIFFED IN FLORIDA

DEAR MIFFED: There is nothing improper about your fiance's wish to invite his former in-laws to the wedding. It is evidence that he had a happy marriage and a good relationship with the family -- which is why he was open to marrying again. Please rethink your stance on this. You cannot erase his past, and you will have a much happier marriage if you curb your insecurity and don't try to isolate him.

NOT CONFIDENTIAL TO MY ASIAN READERS: A happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to all of you. May the Year of the Rooster be one to crow about.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)