DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, "Neil," broke up with me last August. At the time, I couldn't understand why he suddenly changed so drastically. Early in our relationship he had been accepting of my two children, but toward the end he became distant and cold to them. Then he told me he didn't want to raise another man's children and wasn't interested in being a mentor to a teenage boy.
Neil was also angry that I refused to end my relationship with my best friend, who happens to be a gay man. Neil said there is no place in society for gays and he didn't want a gay person calling his house.
Neil works for a company that he has always had an interest in owning. Last spring, the owner died suddenly and left shares of the business to his widow, "Nancy," and their children. Neil told me he intended to borrow money from his family and buy out the youngest son's interest -- but his family didn't have the money to loan. About a month after that, in the midst of complaining to me about his financial woes, Neil commented, "Maybe I'll get me a rich older woman to take care of me ... someone like Nancy."
Over the next few months, I saw him less and less. Little did I know Neil had already manipulated a relationship with her.
Abby, Nancy is a very nice, classy person. I like the woman. I went to her home for her husband's wake. Should I tell Nancy what Neil is up to, that he's a conniving loser? I'm afraid if I do, she won't believe me. Neil can be very sweet when he wants to be, and I'm sure she hasn't glimpsed his hateful, controlling side. His only real love is money and power.
My motive is not spite. I don't want Neil back. I have a new boyfriend who is everything Neil could never be. I just feel Nancy should know what's ahead. She has a gay teenage son. I'm sure when Neil gets what he wants, that boy's life will be hell.
So, you tell me: Should I talk to Nancy and risk looking like sour grapes, or let her find out what a lowlife, gold-digging scumbag Neil is for herself? -- TORN IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR TORN: Ordinarily, I would tell you to stay out of it. However, because of Nancy's son, I'm reversing myself. Make a date with Nancy (if she'll see you), and without calling names, tell her about Neil's longtime interest in buying into her business, his cash-flow problem and his homophobia. If she has a legal adviser, I'm sure that person will discuss with her the advisability of a prenuptial agreement should she decide to remarry. And your conscience will be clear.