DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Wilmer," and I are in our mid-50s. We've been married 35 years, and for the most part we have gotten along great. However, for about the last 12 years, Wilmer has been on this kick that when we're on a road trip, he wants me to "flash" truckers. At times, he has even tried to get me to show everything.

I was raised to be modest and have told my husband repeatedly that I don't want to do it, that the mere suggestion makes me uncomfortable. He says I'm not getting any younger and I'll regret it someday. Last weekend, we were on the road again, and he wanted me to do the trucker thing. When I refused, I got the silent treatment for the rest of the trip.

After we returned home, Wilmer and I were in our hot tub, and he said another trip had been "wasted" because I wouldn't cooperate.

I am not a prude. I enjoy sex with my husband, but I'm not an exhibitionist. I have thought about talking to my pastor, but Wilmer would just say he's on my side because I believe in God and my husband is an atheist. Please help me. I don't think our sex life needs a third party. -- UNDERCOVER WIFE IN S.C.

DEAR UNDERCOVER WIFE: Neither do I. What your husband is suggesting could cause a fatal accident. Please remind Wilmer that indecent exposure is a crime and that he is going to have to get his kicks somewhere other than Route 66.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and a junior in high school. For the past year and a half, I have been taking ballroom dancing lessons and was assigned a teenage dance partner. To make a long story short, I fell for him. It was a schoolgirl crush for a while, and I would call him daily.

A few months ago, he finally decided to date me. It didn't last long. After six weeks we broke up. It turned out that he didn't really like me. We have sort of gone back to being friends.

Is there any way I can get over him quicker? I can't pretend he's dead or anything. How can I get the pain to stop so we can just be friends? I have to ballroom dance with him every week, and it hurts to waltz with someone you know doesn't reciprocate your feelings. -- TAKES TWO TO TANGO

DEAR TAKES TWO: The obvious answer would be to ask your teacher to assign you a different partner. However, if the two of you are dancing in competition and it's not practical, then you'll have to readjust the way you think about the young man. When you go to the dance floor, take a mental step backward. Tell yourself he is your business partner, because in a sense that's what he is. I'm not saying it will be easy to do. But it might give you a different perspective -- and that's a "step" in the right direction.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently engaged to a wonderful man whose wife died a year and a half ago. My problem is that he is thinking about inviting his wife's sisters and their families to our wedding next year. I don't believe it would be proper, nor do I want them at my wedding. Please help. -- MIFFED IN FLORIDA

DEAR MIFFED: There is nothing improper about your fiance's wish to invite his former in-laws to the wedding. It is evidence that he had a happy marriage and a good relationship with the family -- which is why he was open to marrying again. Please rethink your stance on this. You cannot erase his past, and you will have a much happier marriage if you curb your insecurity and don't try to isolate him.

NOT CONFIDENTIAL TO MY ASIAN READERS: A happy, healthy and prosperous New Year to all of you. May the Year of the Rooster be one to crow about.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In 1964, I read a column of your mother's that hit home with me. It was about a man leaving his wife, a lady, for a tramp. I was enduring a similar situation at that time, and my mother cut the column out and gave it to me to comfort me. The clipping, now fragile and yellowed with age, was a contributing factor in my healing.

Now I'd like to do the same for others who are experiencing my pain. There appears to be an epidemic of spousal infidelity here.

It would help them if you would reprint that article. Curiosity prompts me to inquire whether professionals were consulted regarding that inspired response. Would you please consider printing it again? -- LONGTIME READER IN NEW YORK

DEAR LONGTIME READER: No professional was consulted; my mother was a woman of great insight. The letter first appeared in 1964. It is one of my favorites, and I'm pleased to reprint it. Read on:

"DEAR ABBY: Why will a married man pick up a tramp and treat her like a lady, then turn around and treat his wife (who is a lady) like a tramp? -- MINNIE

"DEAR MINNIE: A man picks up a tramp because he wants a female companion who is no better than he is. In her company, he doesn't feel inferior. He rewards her by treating her like a lady.

"He treats his wife (who is a lady) like a tramp because he feels that by degrading her, he will bring her down to his level. This makes him feel guilty, so to get even with his wife for making him feel guilty, he keeps right on punishing her."

Years later, a reader asked, "What is the difference between a lady and a tramp?" Mother was stumped, so she asked the readers for their input. Their answers were enlightening -- and reviewing them is like looking into a time capsule.

"The difference between a lady and tramp? About three drinks." -- TENDS BAR IN MILWAUKEE

"A lady goes out, goes home and goes to bed. A tramp goes out, goes to bed, then goes home." -- MURPH

"There's no difference. Kipling said, 'The Colonel's lady and Judy O'Grady are sisters under their skin.'" -- F.C.H. IN TEXARKANA

"The difference between a lady and a tramp is men with big mouths." -- MET A FEW

"A lady draws a line. The tramp falls for it." -- ROBERT BYRNE

"A lady is chaste. A tramp is chased." -- ROBERT FROM SAN DIEGO

"There are no tramps. Only lonely ladies." -- MARGIE FROM MANSFIELD

"A lady lies around and sleeps. A tramp sleeps around and lies." -- J.S. IN ASHLAND, ORE.

"You pay a tramp in advance -- but a lady costs more in the long run." -- WESTPORT PETE

"A lady is the female you're living with right now. A tramp is the one you used to live with." -- CHICAGOAN

"A lady lives for a loving. A tramp loves for a living." -- CHUCK IN FAWN GROVE, PA.

"A 'lady' is the woman my father left. A 'tramp' is the woman he left her for." -- STILL MAD AFTER 14 YEARS

"The difference between a lady and a tramp is discretion. I should know. I've been both." -- RICH AND FAMOUS

"There is no difference. Both are the children of God." -- KENNETH A. FRITCHMAN, HELLAM, PA.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Heartsick is the only way I can describe how I feel right now. Something very precious to me, an antique doll, has disappeared from its storage place in my bedroom and has been replaced by a similar doll that I have never seen before. The only person besides my husband who knew of its existence was my cousin "Lana." Lana and her husband have been weekend houseguests in our home for several years. A few weeks ago, we let them use our bedroom and we took the guest room.

The other day I went to the chest where I kept the doll, intending to have it appraised, and found something else in its place. I have no solid proof that Lana took it, but the circumstances and family history all point in that direction. You see, the doll was a family heirloom given to me by my aunt 15 years ago.

As far as I'm concerned, the relationship between my cousin and me has been seriously affected. What should be my next step? -- HEARTSICK IN N.C.

DEAR HEARTSICK: Call Cousin Lana and tell her what you have told me. Perhaps she was upset that the heirloom doll wasn't given to her, or assumed that you wouldn't know the difference if another doll was substituted. Ask her to please return the original.

If she is unwilling to cooperate, you could report the theft to the police and fill out a stolen property report. However, you should be aware that, unless the doll is valuable, petty thefts are not a high priority for police departments.

DEAR ABBY: How do you get someone's name off junk mail lists when that person has died? My sister passed away last May. I had all of her mail forwarded to my house. I specifically contacted all the bill collectors and her friends and gave them my address, but her junk mail has found its way to me. Many of the catalogs and charities used the address correction service, thinking my sister had moved to my address, and now they send their stuff to me. The rest of the mail comes forwarded by the post office.

How can I make it stop? I don't want this stuff. The Direct Mail Marketing organization says that this request cannot be made by a second party. -- HAD ENOUGH IN CITRUS HEIGHTS

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: With a black marking pen, cross out the bar code on the envelopes and write "Deceased; Return to Sender." Then put the items back in your mailbox. Eventually the senders will get the message and the unwanted mail will stop. Also, if you call the 800 numbers for the catalogs and explain the situation, most will cooperate and remove your sister's name and your address from their lists.

DEAR ABBY: What's the proper etiquette when escorting a woman through a revolving door? I never know whether to send her in first, or if I should enter first and do the initial pushing. Revolving doors can be heavy, and I can only imagine that it's difficult for a petite woman -- or one wearing high heels -- to maneuver. But I don't want to be rude and charge through a door in front of my date. Have you any advice? -- GOING IN CIRCLES IN HOUSTON

DEAR GOING IN CIRCLES: Your rationale for going first through a revolving door makes sense to me. However, when in doubt a gentleman should ask, "Would you like me to go first?" In other words, take your cue from the lady.

DEAR ABBY: What's the proper etiquette when escorting a woman through a revolving door? I never know whether to send her in first, or if I should enter first and do the initial pushing. Revolving doors can be heavy, and I can only imagine that it's difficult for a petite woman -- or one wearing high heels -- to maneuver. But I don't want to be rude and charge through a door in front of my date. Have you any advice? -- GOING IN CIRCLES IN HOUSTON

DEAR GOING IN CIRCLES: Your rationale for going first through a revolving door makes sense to me. However, when in doubt a gentleman should ask, "Would you like me to go first?" In other words, take your cue from the lady.