DEAR ABBY: Heartsick is the only way I can describe how I feel right now. Something very precious to me, an antique doll, has disappeared from its storage place in my bedroom and has been replaced by a similar doll that I have never seen before. The only person besides my husband who knew of its existence was my cousin "Lana." Lana and her husband have been weekend houseguests in our home for several years. A few weeks ago, we let them use our bedroom and we took the guest room.

The other day I went to the chest where I kept the doll, intending to have it appraised, and found something else in its place. I have no solid proof that Lana took it, but the circumstances and family history all point in that direction. You see, the doll was a family heirloom given to me by my aunt 15 years ago.

As far as I'm concerned, the relationship between my cousin and me has been seriously affected. What should be my next step? -- HEARTSICK IN N.C.

DEAR HEARTSICK: Call Cousin Lana and tell her what you have told me. Perhaps she was upset that the heirloom doll wasn't given to her, or assumed that you wouldn't know the difference if another doll was substituted. Ask her to please return the original.

If she is unwilling to cooperate, you could report the theft to the police and fill out a stolen property report. However, you should be aware that, unless the doll is valuable, petty thefts are not a high priority for police departments.

DEAR ABBY: How do you get someone's name off junk mail lists when that person has died? My sister passed away last May. I had all of her mail forwarded to my house. I specifically contacted all the bill collectors and her friends and gave them my address, but her junk mail has found its way to me. Many of the catalogs and charities used the address correction service, thinking my sister had moved to my address, and now they send their stuff to me. The rest of the mail comes forwarded by the post office.

How can I make it stop? I don't want this stuff. The Direct Mail Marketing organization says that this request cannot be made by a second party. -- HAD ENOUGH IN CITRUS HEIGHTS

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: With a black marking pen, cross out the bar code on the envelopes and write "Deceased; Return to Sender." Then put the items back in your mailbox. Eventually the senders will get the message and the unwanted mail will stop. Also, if you call the 800 numbers for the catalogs and explain the situation, most will cooperate and remove your sister's name and your address from their lists.

DEAR ABBY: What's the proper etiquette when escorting a woman through a revolving door? I never know whether to send her in first, or if I should enter first and do the initial pushing. Revolving doors can be heavy, and I can only imagine that it's difficult for a petite woman -- or one wearing high heels -- to maneuver. But I don't want to be rude and charge through a door in front of my date. Have you any advice? -- GOING IN CIRCLES IN HOUSTON

DEAR GOING IN CIRCLES: Your rationale for going first through a revolving door makes sense to me. However, when in doubt a gentleman should ask, "Would you like me to go first?" In other words, take your cue from the lady.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a very intelligent 15 1/2-year-old girl, a straight-A student, who asks her noncustodial father to kill her mother's boyfriend –- which the father, of course, will not do?

This girl is not a gang member or on drugs. How do you justify this kind of thinking in a teenage girl, and how do you reconcile the fact that she claims to love her father while asking him to kill somebody for her? -- CONCERNED IN NEVADA

DEAR CONCERNED: Either the girl has serious emotional problems, or she's having serious problems with her mother's boyfriend. I would not question the girl's love for her father, but I would urge him to intervene and see that his daughter receives the help she obviously needs, including assuring that she's out of reach of the boyfriend. She could have been emotionally abused or molested by him.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Lisa," is 18 and a freshman in college, has a part-time job in a local clothing store where she receives a 15 percent employee discount. I work in a beauty salon nearby, which allows me to see Lisa during her frequent visits to the shop.

One of my co-workers, "Francine," has on numerous occasions cornered my daughter and asked her to buy things for her, using her employee benefit. This is strictly against store policy. When Francine asks me if Lisa is working on any given day, I ask her why, and she answers, "She's supposed to let me know when 'whatever' goes on sale." It's not the truth.

If I confront Francine, it will cause tension, which will result in Lisa's visits being less frequent. With our busy schedules, it's the only time I get to see her some days. Is this something I should stay out of, or should I play "rescue mom" and get it over with? This has been going on for a few months now, and enough already! It's tacky and rude. Francine is a co-worker, not a friend. How should this be handled? -- FURIOUS IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR FURIOUS: Your daughter should not be risking her job so that Francine can get a good deal. I knew a personable and kind-hearted young man who was fired for doing what your daughter has been doing.

Have a talk with Lisa, and tell her that the next time Francine approaches her, she should tell the woman that she cannot do it because it's against store policy, and she doesn't want to lose her job. It's the truth, and she shouldn't feel guilty for saying it. She's being taken advantage of. If Lisa is afraid to speak up, do it for her.

DEAR ABBY: I made the mistake of putting out a candy dish at work for clients who might stop in. One of my co-workers consistently takes candy –- usually more than all the clients combined –- and she's not even supposed to be eating sugar!

Recently, my fiance and I decided to start saving for a house. We are on a tight budget, so I stopped putting out candy. My co-worker continually asks where her "treats" are. I have told her we're trying to save for a house, and her reply was, "Oh, you poor baby. You should put out a collection jar for donations." I don't feel I should ask clients for donations, especially since she's the one taking all the candy. Please advise me how to respond politely to her. I am out of ideas. -- CONFIDENTIAL IN MARYLAND

DEAR CONFIDENTIAL: The next time your co-worker asks where her treats are, smile sweetly and tell her, "The concession is closed."

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DEAR ABBY: My son, "Bobby," and his girlfriend, "Claire," had a baby two weeks ago. Bobby lives with us and Claire lives with her parents, although they hope to get a place together soon.

Bobby and Claire are having a problem deciding on where to sleep. They each want to be with their family. They were going to alternate one night at each house, but Claire's mom said it wouldn't be good for the baby, as the baby needs a regular place to live. Is it bad for a newborn to switch beds? Both houses are equipped with all the baby things the little one needs.

Bobby works about 30 hours a week and attends college full time. Claire doesn't work or go to school. What can I do to help them resolve their issues without hurting anyone's feelings? My son wants to be in Claire's and the baby's lives. I just don't know how to help him. -- WANTS TO HELP IN OHIO

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: The biggest favor you could do for Bobby and Claire would be to encourage both of them to complete their education before moving anywhere. The fact that your son and his girlfriend can't decide which house to sleep in should be a clue that neither he nor she is mature enough to be moving out on their own.

Your son will have plenty of time to see his girlfriend and child after work and on weekends, and since your house is well-equipped, your grandchild can come for visits. But for now, it would be in the best interests of everyone to stay where they are. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: I recently left my husband of 14 years, "Derrick." Now all of the people I thought were my friends will no longer associate with me. Derrick and I were very good at pretending, so everyone thought we had a great marriage.

Now that I have moved out, they all think I just decided one morning that I no longer wanted to be married. What they do not know is that Derrick raped me and put me through 12 years of emotional and verbal abuse. During one of the marriage counseling sessions I mentioned the rape, and he turned to me and said, "That was 12 years ago. Get over it." That was when I decided to file for divorce.

Should I go to my friends and explain it to them, or just find new friends? -- LONELY IN WICHITA

DEAR LONELY: If it will make you feel better, go to your friends and explain the truth. However, if they were truly your friends they would already be supporting you -– and, in my opinion, you would be better off without them.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old nephew, "Butch," does not acknowledge my husband, "Denny," when we give him joint gifts. Denny's name is signed on every card; his name is on every gift. There is no animosity between them. Butch just doesn't thank Denny, and my husband is offended.

I want to mention this to my brother, Butch's father, but I don't want to start WWIII over such a little thing. Any advice? -- OFFENDED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OFFENDED: Talk directly to your nephew and explain that the gifts have been given jointly, and that the oversight has been hurtful to your husband. Your nephew is probably acting this way because he doesn't know any better. You'll be doing him a favor to straighten him out.

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