DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a very intelligent 15 1/2-year-old girl, a straight-A student, who asks her noncustodial father to kill her mother's boyfriend –- which the father, of course, will not do?

This girl is not a gang member or on drugs. How do you justify this kind of thinking in a teenage girl, and how do you reconcile the fact that she claims to love her father while asking him to kill somebody for her? -- CONCERNED IN NEVADA

DEAR CONCERNED: Either the girl has serious emotional problems, or she's having serious problems with her mother's boyfriend. I would not question the girl's love for her father, but I would urge him to intervene and see that his daughter receives the help she obviously needs, including assuring that she's out of reach of the boyfriend. She could have been emotionally abused or molested by him.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Lisa," is 18 and a freshman in college, has a part-time job in a local clothing store where she receives a 15 percent employee discount. I work in a beauty salon nearby, which allows me to see Lisa during her frequent visits to the shop.

One of my co-workers, "Francine," has on numerous occasions cornered my daughter and asked her to buy things for her, using her employee benefit. This is strictly against store policy. When Francine asks me if Lisa is working on any given day, I ask her why, and she answers, "She's supposed to let me know when 'whatever' goes on sale." It's not the truth.

If I confront Francine, it will cause tension, which will result in Lisa's visits being less frequent. With our busy schedules, it's the only time I get to see her some days. Is this something I should stay out of, or should I play "rescue mom" and get it over with? This has been going on for a few months now, and enough already! It's tacky and rude. Francine is a co-worker, not a friend. How should this be handled? -- FURIOUS IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR FURIOUS: Your daughter should not be risking her job so that Francine can get a good deal. I knew a personable and kind-hearted young man who was fired for doing what your daughter has been doing.

Have a talk with Lisa, and tell her that the next time Francine approaches her, she should tell the woman that she cannot do it because it's against store policy, and she doesn't want to lose her job. It's the truth, and she shouldn't feel guilty for saying it. She's being taken advantage of. If Lisa is afraid to speak up, do it for her.

DEAR ABBY: I made the mistake of putting out a candy dish at work for clients who might stop in. One of my co-workers consistently takes candy –- usually more than all the clients combined –- and she's not even supposed to be eating sugar!

Recently, my fiance and I decided to start saving for a house. We are on a tight budget, so I stopped putting out candy. My co-worker continually asks where her "treats" are. I have told her we're trying to save for a house, and her reply was, "Oh, you poor baby. You should put out a collection jar for donations." I don't feel I should ask clients for donations, especially since she's the one taking all the candy. Please advise me how to respond politely to her. I am out of ideas. -- CONFIDENTIAL IN MARYLAND

DEAR CONFIDENTIAL: The next time your co-worker asks where her treats are, smile sweetly and tell her, "The concession is closed."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Bobby," and his girlfriend, "Claire," had a baby two weeks ago. Bobby lives with us and Claire lives with her parents, although they hope to get a place together soon.

Bobby and Claire are having a problem deciding on where to sleep. They each want to be with their family. They were going to alternate one night at each house, but Claire's mom said it wouldn't be good for the baby, as the baby needs a regular place to live. Is it bad for a newborn to switch beds? Both houses are equipped with all the baby things the little one needs.

Bobby works about 30 hours a week and attends college full time. Claire doesn't work or go to school. What can I do to help them resolve their issues without hurting anyone's feelings? My son wants to be in Claire's and the baby's lives. I just don't know how to help him. -- WANTS TO HELP IN OHIO

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: The biggest favor you could do for Bobby and Claire would be to encourage both of them to complete their education before moving anywhere. The fact that your son and his girlfriend can't decide which house to sleep in should be a clue that neither he nor she is mature enough to be moving out on their own.

Your son will have plenty of time to see his girlfriend and child after work and on weekends, and since your house is well-equipped, your grandchild can come for visits. But for now, it would be in the best interests of everyone to stay where they are. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: I recently left my husband of 14 years, "Derrick." Now all of the people I thought were my friends will no longer associate with me. Derrick and I were very good at pretending, so everyone thought we had a great marriage.

Now that I have moved out, they all think I just decided one morning that I no longer wanted to be married. What they do not know is that Derrick raped me and put me through 12 years of emotional and verbal abuse. During one of the marriage counseling sessions I mentioned the rape, and he turned to me and said, "That was 12 years ago. Get over it." That was when I decided to file for divorce.

Should I go to my friends and explain it to them, or just find new friends? -- LONELY IN WICHITA

DEAR LONELY: If it will make you feel better, go to your friends and explain the truth. However, if they were truly your friends they would already be supporting you -– and, in my opinion, you would be better off without them.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old nephew, "Butch," does not acknowledge my husband, "Denny," when we give him joint gifts. Denny's name is signed on every card; his name is on every gift. There is no animosity between them. Butch just doesn't thank Denny, and my husband is offended.

I want to mention this to my brother, Butch's father, but I don't want to start WWIII over such a little thing. Any advice? -- OFFENDED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OFFENDED: Talk directly to your nephew and explain that the gifts have been given jointly, and that the oversight has been hurtful to your husband. Your nephew is probably acting this way because he doesn't know any better. You'll be doing him a favor to straighten him out.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letters about hospital gowns, I thought I'd share my story. I am a rabbi. When I first trained as a chaplain, I was taught to make my hospital rounds in full dress -– wearing a suit and tie, with my jacket buttoned. However, one day a patient expressed that although she needed to talk to me, she felt terribly uncomfortable lying there "in a hospital gown with her tuchas sticking out" while I sat there in a three-piece suit.

I stood up, told her I'd be back in a moment, went to the nurse's station and got a hospital gown. I took off my suit, donned the gown over my briefs and T-shirt, and headed straight back to the patient's room. The minute she saw me in that gown, she brightened and relaxed enough to open up about all the concerns on her mind.

The visit took a little longer than usual, and when I finished our session with a prayer for healing, I rose from the chair. As I did, the sound as my thighs ripped themselves from the Naugahyde brought a huge smile to both our faces. I was laughing so hard I forgot to hold the back of the gown as I headed back down the hall -– so I was exposed.

Fortunately, the nurses had a sense of humor. One said, "Not a bad tush for a rabbi!"

I learned an important lesson on creativity that day. But I also learned that two hospital gowns are better than one -- if you remember to put one on backward. -- RABBI CRAIG H. EZRING, BOCA RATON, FLA.

DEAR RABBI EZRING: Your suit may have been off for her, but my hat is off to you for going the extra mile to make a difference in a sick woman's life. Your method may have been unorthodox, but your message of healing far surpassed any fashion statement. Thanks for an "upper" of a letter.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 21 years, "Robert," made me a wonderful dinner, made love with me, and then –- instead of sweet dreams -– he served me with divorce papers. He treats me like a princess, but the divorce is still going through. Robert says we have nothing in common and no longer think alike.

I am confused. He calls me two or three times a day, and cries and becomes angry when I say I am moving away from the house. He tells our adult children he "loves me dearly" but will never be truly happy with me. In a few more months we will no longer be husband and wife; however, he won't let go emotionally. I am still hopelessly in love with him, and his constant attention does not make our situation easier. Can you please tell me what's the right thing for me to do? -- HURT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURT: The right thing to do is find a therapist who can help you make sense of what has happened, help you to heal the wounds of this divorce, and go on with your life. The day your divorce becomes final will be an important line of demarcation. From then on, you'll be responsible for your own interests. Please don't be distracted by what your husband says. Instead, watch what he does. The sooner you start thinking with your head rather than your heart, the better off you'll be.

CONFIDENTIAL TO BORED IN BIRMINGHAM: Get off the couch and look around you. Visit the library. Take a class at a local college. Attend a concert or a play. It will take you outside of yourself and stimulate your imagination. A person with imagination is never alone.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)