DEAR ABBY: My son, "Adam," came home from Iraq for a two-week visit. He brought with him some T-shirts for his father, his sister and me. They were last-minute purchases. Now my mother is furious that she didn't get a souvenir from Iraq.

Our extended family is huge, and Adam didn't have room to bring something for everyone. No one else in the family is upset about it. They're just glad he came home healthy and safe.

My mother complained to her sister, "Irene," and Aunt Irene sent Adam a card in Iraq ordering him to send my mother something. It upset him because he barely knows Aunt Irene.

When I defended my son, Mother said: "I am the grandmother. I should have gotten something." I told her no one expected anything from him.

Is she being unreasonable or am I? Adam is furious that this nonsense is going on while he's risking his life in Baghdad. I will forward your response to him. -- PROUD MOM IN OHIO

DEAR PROUD MOM: Please tell Adam that he is in my thoughts and prayers for his safe return from a dangerous tour of duty -- which his grandmother apparently has confused with a sightseeing tour. Your son doesn't owe anyone a gift. His gift to the family will be his safe return.

DEAR ABBY: I married my husband, "Greg," a year ago. He's a wonderful man from a wonderful family. His parents are upper-middle class and have always had money. Greg and I are just starting out, so we don't have a lot. His mother, "Ruth," has been generous and thoughtful enough to buy us many of the things we needed to establish our home.

Recently she has started buying me things from very expensive places. Ruth has terrific taste and I love everything she gets me. I always say thank you, and sometimes send her notes. Greg tells me she keeps buying me things because she sees that I use everything she gives me.

I want to do something nice for Ruth that will really be special, but our funds are very limited. No one has ever been so nice to me, much less bought me things, and I want her to know how touched and grateful I am. Any suggestions on how to show my appreciation? -- BLESSED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BLESSED: Just one. Take out pen and paper and write your mother-in-law a letter telling her how blessed you feel to have someone so loving and generous as she in your life. A love letter is one of those gifts that keep on giving joy to the recipient. I guarantee, it's something she will keep for a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl who was molested ever since I was 8. I told the police, and we are going to court about it -- but I can't stop thinking about it. I need help forgetting about it. I can't let my boyfriend near me. Please help. -- "MISSY" IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR "MISSY": You did the right thing in telling the police what happened. However, as big a step in the right direction as that was, there is more to do before you can heal from the abuse. Please clip this letter and give it to your mother. Counseling can help you to put the abuse behind you, and an excellent place to get it would be the nearest rape crisis center. An organization called R.A.I.N.N. will help your mother locate one for you. The toll-free number for its national sex-assault hotline is (800) 656-4673. You are a brave girl, and I wish you the best of luck.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband, "Harvey," very much, but he is tight with money. I am not a spendthrift, and we pay our bills on time and have no large debts.

Every time we buy something, Harvey feels the need to comment about how much we're spending. This includes eating out -- which we do infrequently. I have walked out of more than one restaurant when Harvey started complaining about the prices. I tell him it takes the enjoyment out of an otherwise pleasant experience, but he doesn't seem to get it. He says he likes to complain and that I should ignore it.

We have an anniversary coming up, and I know Harvey will want to take me out to dinner, but I can't look forward to it because I know what will happen, and I won't have a good time. What should I do? -- WANTS TO EAT IN PEACE IN MAINE

DEAR WANTS TO EAT IN PEACE: Remind your frugal husband in advance that your anniversary is a special day, and you don't want the evening ruined by his complaining about the cost of the dinner. When your special day arrives and you're leaving for the restaurant, tell him sweetly that if he complains about the expense, he'll be sleeping in the doghouse.

DEAR ABBY: I am (not by choice) the single mother of a beautiful 19-month-old daughter I'll call Jenny. Jenny's father, "John," died in a car accident less than a year ago. His best friend, "Paul," arranged a benefit with the proceeds to go to Jenny. That was last July. Jenny has yet to receive a dime of this money.

Paul never told me the exact amount that was raised, and he still has the money. I spend a lot of time with them, but I'm scared to ask. Paul and his wife are facing some big expenses, so I'm afraid they might "borrow" Jenny's money. All of it was donated by family, friends and the people I work for.

I asked Paul's wife about it the other day, and she said she would get back to me, but the expression on her face was unsettling. I'm afraid they're going to use my daughter's money to cover their expenses. I really want to get it out of their hands and put it in Jenny's trust account. How can I keep the peace and still get what is due my daughter? -- HOPEFUL IN OHIO

DEAR HOPEFUL: That may not be possible; however, your daughter's future is more important than a potential argument. If the money that was raised for your daughter has been diverted, it may be considered fraud and embezzlement. For Jenny's sake, please consult a lawyer and have the lawyer get the money plus an accounting.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is obsessed with large breasts and constantly "hints" that I should enlarge my 34Cs. Lately he has been coming home late and telling me that he's been working overtime, when I know for a fact that he's been hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, a stripper with 38DDs.

I love my boyfriend and don't want to lose him, but I'm not sure about enlargement. If it's the only way I can get him away from her, I guess I'll do it. What do you think, Abby? -- NOT BUSTY ENOUGH IN PHILLY

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: Rather than enlarging your breasts to satisfy his obsession, you'd be better served to enlarge your circle of boyfriends.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is obsessed with large breasts and constantly "hints" that I should enlarge my 34Cs. Lately he has been coming home late and telling me that he's been working overtime, when I know for a fact that he's been hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, a stripper with 38DDs.

I love my boyfriend and don't want to lose him, but I'm not sure about enlargement. If it's the only way I can get him away from her, I guess I'll do it. What do you think, Abby? -- NOT BUSTY ENOUGH IN PHILLY

DEAR NOT ENOUGH: Rather than enlarging your breasts to satisfy his obsession, you'd be better served to enlarge your circle of boyfriends.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are very happy. However, his mother is an intrusive pest. I am a stay-at-home mom, and she calls all day long. When I answer, I get an earful about how often her son calls or doesn't call her, or she finds fault with the things I do with my children. If I don't answer, she comes over to our house.

The other day, she knew that I was going to my mom's office to drop some stuff off and help her with some things. When I arrived, there was my husband's mother, sitting there waiting for me. Also, when my husband confides in her –- like when I got pregnant –- she takes it upon herself to call my family and announce it instead of allowing me to tell them myself.

I love my husband. We are happy together. But I have reached the point where I'm beginning to consider divorce in order to get away from his mother. He has offered to speak to her, but I feel bad because I know she'll know I asked him to say something. What should I do? -- TEARING MY HAIR OUT

DEAR TEARING: You have described a lonely, needy person with too much time on her hands. Rather than expecting you to entertain her, she needs to get a life of her own. Your husband should talk to his mother and encourage her to find other interests. If she blames you, so be it. However, he would be doing her a favor to help her investigate what activities and opportunities are available for seniors in your community in case she's so passive she doesn't know how to reach out.

DEAR ABBY: My companion and lover, "Jimmy," stole $40 from some close friends of mine. He was caught, confronted, and paid the money back. I told Jimmy if anything like that ever happened again, he was out the door.

I am willing to forget the incident and move on; however, my two friends feel differently. It has created a wedge between us. They continue to talk to me on the phone at work, but Jimmy's name is never mentioned. Yesterday, when I casually mentioned the four of us getting together, I was informed that it would never happen. I did nothing wrong, but I am feeling ostracized. Any suggestions? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You are not being ostracized, Jimmy is –- and for good reason. He has sticky fingers. Allow me to offer two suggestions: If he'd steal from your friends, he would also steal from you, so keep your valuables under lock and key. And socialize with your friends without him.

DEAR ABBY: At my school, a period of time is dedicated to discussing world events. My teacher, "Mrs. Jones," has often shared her opinions about world events and our government with us. She has very strong opinions and usually gets upset when anyone disagrees with her. One day when she was talking, I told her I did not agree with her opinion and got detention for it. Personally, I don't think I deserved one.

I understand that I shouldn't be rude to teachers, but I believe that my comment was respectful. Was I out of line? -- UNCERTAIN IN FRANKLIN LAKES, N.J.

DEAR UNCERTAIN: If the comment was disruptive, it may have been. It would have been more diplomatic had you voiced your disagreement after the class was over.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)