DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law, "Fred," is on his fifth marriage. We know it won't be his last. Every time he is courting his next unsuspecting wife, my husband and I wish we could tell his new fiancee what we know about Fred, but of course, we can't. And they never ask.

The questions we wish these nice women would ask:

(1) Ask how many times he has been married. Multiple previous marriages are a big red flag. Don't think you are different from the others. You're not.

(2) If you wonder how he affords the expensive wines, the five-star restaurants and the trips to Europe on the salary that someone in his line of work earns -- the answer is he can't afford it.

(3) If he wants to buy a house with you and asks you to buy it in your name alone, then add his name after you obtain a loan, run for the nearest exit. His credit is bad.

(4) "Went to" a college and "graduated from" a college are two different things. What a shame that someone would even lie about that.

(5) If he hasn't been able to hold a job because he was "smarter than" every boss he ever had, don't count on having his income in your budget.

(6) Are you much younger than he is? Does he try to control your every move? (He likes the young ones because he can no longer fool the older, wiser ladies.)

(7) Have you ever wondered why nothing is his fault? The divorces? The bankruptcies? Think again!

(8) Does he tell you that his accountant advises him to make expensive purchases (that he can't afford) on the basis that they're tax-deductible? Don't believe everything you hear.

We know that Fred is attractive and charming. But please take off the blinders before you walk down the aisle. My husband and I are just glad Fred's creditors have finally stopped calling us because we share the same last name. -- SORRY IN THE NORTHEAST

DEAR SORRY: Stop apologizing. You have done nothing to be "sorry" for. I'm sure my readers will be grateful for the reminder that before making a lifelong commitment, it's imperative to know well with whom one is having the pleasure.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ralph," wears a toupee. We have been dating for more than three years, and I have never seen him without it. In fact, he has yet to mention that his "hair" is actually a piece. I often wonder if he thinks I'm an idiot for not realizing it isn't real.

Sometimes, when Ralph is in a hurry, it looks like he slapped it on a little crooked. It is those times I wish I could bring myself to say something to him about it. I don't want my boyfriend to be embarrassed by his appearance, but at the same time, I don't want to embarrass him by saying anything, either. I am at a loss. Please advise. -- KEEPING QUIET IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR QUIET: Years ago, I knew a hairdresser who specialized in styling hairpieces for men. She confided to me that her boss told her, "Once they start, they're ours for life!" A hairpiece can be a very touchy subject, so it's not surprising that your boyfriend hasn't brought it up.

Consider this: If your slip was showing or your pantyhose had a run, wouldn't you want someone to tell you? The same holds true for your boyfriend's toupee. You don't have to say, "Honey, your toupee is crooked." Just telling him that he might want to recomb his hair should be enough of a tip-off.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Really Down in T-Town," whose truck-driving husband talks constantly. She said people dread it when they see him coming, and it has reached a point that she finds herself trying to avoid him at home.

The behavior she described sounds like it could be a symptom of adult ADHD. You were right to suggest that the husband might suffer from insecurity. ADHD will do that to you. However, like depression, it is a physiological problem rather than an emotional one. "Really Down" should have her husband assessed for adult ADHD. Therapy and medication can be a great help. My heart breaks for him. -- BEEN THERE IN CANADA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for the suggestion. That letter brought responses from many readers who viewed the problem in a different light. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In my younger days I hitchhiked extensively from coast to coast. The longest rides were with truckers. They popped little white pills -- amphetamines -- to help them stay alert during long hauls. "Speed" is a great drug for loosening the tongue. The faster the mouth runs, the less discretion. Almost all of the drivers I rode with engaged in loud, nonstop talking. It took lots of patience to endure their rap -- but it was worth it to get where I was going.

Assuming that woman's description of her husband is accurate, he needs to detox -- the sooner the better. If he's at the point of driving others away, he's near "crashing" and could be unsafe on the road. In addition, his emotions could start seesawing, and he could become abusive. Please urge her to get him some help. -- BEEN THERE MYSELF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'm printing your letter as a warning for those who might need one. However, readers with experience in the trucking business felt the wife should have more empathy for her spouse. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I work in the safety department of a large trucking company. It has been my experience that most drivers talk a lot. Our drivers are long-haul truckers, who often spend long, lonely hours, weeks at a time, on the road. They need contact with another human voice. When they call in to the company, given the chance, they'll talk for hours. They love to tell stories of their adventures, and I have found that if I listen, I learn a lot.

Perhaps "Down in T-Town" should make a few trips with her husband. It might change her perspective. If, after she spends some time with him on the road, the problem continues, I would ask him to talk to the family doctor. -- KATY IN SPRINGDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR KATY: You may be onto something. I have a stack of letters from truckers' wives, all saying the same thing. One woman wrote: "It takes a special person to be a truck driver. People who work in offices and restaurants have co-workers to talk to and become friends with. It may not be that the husband needs counseling. He may just be lonely."

A former dispatcher in South Carolina said: "When a trucker gets home, he wants to talk to his wife because he hasn't had any other human contact all day -- especially from someone who loves him. Please tell 'Really Down in T-Town' she should make time to sit down and talk. That way her husband can get the emotional attention he's craving."

I have to agree that it's worth a try.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I met "Evan," the man of my dreams, when I was 18. He was 21. We had been dating only five months when he was diagnosed with leukemia. I stayed by his side the whole time, although my friends said no one would blame me if I didn't. Evan is now finished with chemotherapy and is in remission.

I was there for him when his parents couldn't be. I gave him everything I had. I even dropped out of school so I could work full time to make ends meet. Since Evan has finished his treatment, we've been trying to piece our life back together, but he has been horribly depressed.

I have tried to help. I found a psychologist for him. He agreed to go, then canceled the appointment. He re-enrolled in school this semester. However, I found out last night that he had stopped going to class a long time ago. He said it reminded him too much of how things used to be. He lied to me -- and not for the first time.

To make matters worse, I had to tell his parents, because they had been paying for school and sending us money to help with the bills. He had refused to call them. Abby, I love Evan with all my heart. His parents are offering to get him help. I'm torn between staying and leaving to rebuild my life. If he gets help for real, is it worth trying to save our relationship? -- EXHAUSTED AND BROKENHEARTED IN K.C.

DEAR EXHAUSTED: You supported Evan when he could not help himself. Only he can fix his problems now. The longer you allow the status quo, the longer he will postpone taking responsibility.

If he continues to procrastinate, then recognize that it's time to leave and put your own life on track. Do not feel guilty for doing so. Unless Evan accepts that he needs professional help -- and gets it -- he will drag you down with him. Trust me, you have done all you can.

DEAR ABBY: This is a fan letter. A friend of mine gave me a copy of your booklet "Keepers." I keep it on my nightstand with my early morning reading material. I like the little essay "Hugging" so much that we adopted a version of it into our daily lives. Our family says, "Hey, I need a little vitamin H," and it is followed with a big hug. We have also invented "vitamin P," which means a loving little pat.

Thought you would like to know what a positive influence one of your letters has been to our family -- we're spreading the word. -- ELIZABETH TYLER BROWN

DEAR ELIZABETH: Your letter warmed my heart. Everybody needs a diet rich in vitamins. My favorite is vitamin TLC, which I enjoy and dispense in liberal doses to everyone I love.

Readers, you can order "Keepers" by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)