DEAR ABBY: How does one deal with a nosy neighbor? "Miss Nosy" looks through my mail, and I caught her red-handed with a former neighbor's mail, which she had opened, read and apparently hoarded. I didn't confront her because I had just moved next door and didn't want to start a feud.

Miss Nosy claims she goes into my mailbox to make sure our postman hasn't accidentally put something for her in there. Doesn't she know that if he did, I'd give it to her?

If someone comes to my door, Miss Nosy calls and demands to know who it is and as much about his or her life history as I'm willing to share. She also asks me questions that are far too personal. She is elderly, but I don't think that's a valid excuse for her behavior.

Renting a P.O. box would be inconvenient. I'm considering replacing my mailbox with one that locks so that only I can get my mail out. Miss Nosy may pout about it, but surely she would get the hint. Any suggestions? -- INVADED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR INVADED: What your neighbor is doing is called mail tampering, and it's a felony. A locked mailbox is the surest, safest solution to your problem. You would be doing your neighbors a tremendous favor if you called the local postal inspector's office and reported what the woman is doing. They may not haul Miss Nosy off to the pokey, but she'll be sent a letter saying that what she's doing is a felony, and if a check should go missing, she'll be blamed for it.

P.S. Suggest to the woman that since she doesn't seem to have enough to occupy her, she should start a Neighborhood Watch program. It wouldn't take up much more of her time than she's already devoting, and would be a more constructive use of it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Brad," and I have a beautiful daughter, "Annie," who was born after a difficult labor and an emergency C-section in April 2001.

We're now expecting our second child, who is due next April just a few days after Annie's birthday. (This birth will also be Caesarean.) Brad thinks it would be great to have the baby on Annie's birthday, but I'm not so sure. Do you think it's best for each child to have their own birthday, or would it form a special bond between siblings to share a birthday? Please respond. I need you to sway the vote. -- UNDECIDED MAMA IN OHIO

DEAR UNDECIDED MAMA: I'm pleased to oblige. Children are individuals, and each child should have one day to be the sole center of attention. Although it might be more convenient to celebrate both birthdays together, I recommend against it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Brad," and I have a beautiful daughter, "Annie," who was born after a difficult labor and an emergency C-section in April 2001.

We're now expecting our second child, who is due next April just a few days after Annie's birthday. (This birth will also be Caesarean.) Brad thinks it would be great to have the baby on Annie's birthday, but I'm not so sure. Do you think it's best for each child to have their own birthday, or would it form a special bond between siblings to share a birthday? Please respond. I need you to sway the vote. -- UNDECIDED MAMA IN OHIO

DEAR UNDECIDED MAMA: I'm pleased to oblige. Children are individuals, and each child should have one day to be the sole center of attention. Although it might be more convenient to celebrate both birthdays together, I recommend against it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a very special man named "Josh" for three years. He has had only one long-term relationship, which produced two children.

My problem is Josh does not believe in marriage. I do not believe in living with someone, and I do believe in marriage.

I have asked Josh for a commitment on several occasions, and I always get a negative response. Am I being strung along, and what should I do? -- DOWNHEARTED IN OHIO

DEAR DOWNHEARTED: You're not being strung along. Josh has been honest with you -- he's not interested in marriage. In order for a marriage to happen, both parties must want to make a commitment. The fact that he has fathered not one, but two children and didn't marry the mother should be a clue. He's not the marrying kind.

If marriage is important to you, end this romance and find a partner whose goals are similar to your own. You have devoted more time to this campaign than you should have already.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 2-year-old son who is scared to death of getting his hair cut. In the past, I have done it with electric clippers on the advice of my wife's hairstylist. Hearing a small child cry and scream is the worst experience in the world. I got so upset the last time that I told my wife I refuse to cut his hair again, because it is so hard on both of us. I suggested we wait until he is older to take him to the barber.

My wife insists that I cut his hair because it is "plucking on her nerves." I feel it's too soon and not worth the terror he goes through. Should I stand my ground, or am I too soft-hearted? -- WORRIED DAD IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR DAD: Take your son to a hairdresser who is used to working with children. If necessary, hold the child on your lap while the stylist works his or her "magic." It may take a little extra time, plus a dose of distraction and child psychology, but the experience needn't be traumatic for anyone -- including you.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I left my "day job" to start my own business. Recently two former co-workers referred a couple of clients to me.

I e-mailed and thanked them for the referrals, but what is the correct thing to do if the referrals pan out and I get business from them? Is a thank-you card sufficient? It occurred to me that maybe I should offer to pay a referral fee, but I'm afraid it would be insulting. They are friendly acquaintances, although not close friends, and I know they didn't refer these people to me in the hope of getting anything out of it for themselves. What do you think? -- UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO IN OREGON

DEAR UNSURE: Referral fees are usually agreed upon in advance, and in this case it shouldn't be necessary. Thanking your former co-workers in writing is the proper thing to do. If the referrals pan out, send them a gift basket with foods and/or beverages they might enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to my high school reunion, and I really want to go -- but I didn't graduate with my class. What is the proper thing to do? Should I go or just stay home? -- WANTS TO GO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WANTS TO GO: The invitation said "reunion." It's not a review of who graduated with the class and who didn't. Since you were invited, and you'd like to see your old classmates, accept the invitation and go. I'm sure they'll be as glad to see you as you are to see them.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 10-year-old girl who has been playing after school on a Web site for pet lovers. I like to talk to kids older than me -- 14- or- 15-year-olds. A lot of the boys I've talked to have asked for my picture, so I went to Google and found a picture of a pretty blond girl around 15 years old. I have been sending this picture to all the people who have asked me for one.

My mom looked into my e-mail and saw what I had done. Now she won't allow me on that site or to send pictures, either my own or a stranger's, to anyone.

Was she right to look at my e-mail? Is it really dangerous to do what I did? -- GROUNDED IN ORINDA, CALIF.

DEAR GROUNDED: Yes, and yes! When someone asks for your picture, that person is interested in more than just talking about pets. Although you are intelligent, at age 10 you are not experienced enough to be in a relationship with boys who are 14 and 15. And on some level, I think you are already aware of it, or you would not have sent out pictures of a pretty blond teenage girl who is older. You are lucky to have a mother who is vigilant and protective of your safety. She may have helped you dodge a bullet.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the responses to "All Tipped Out's" letter, I was reminded of a question that I have.

I frequent a certain nightclub, and in the ladies' room there is an array of toiletries and breath mints. There is also a tip jar and an attendant. I visit the club almost every week, and sometimes I leave a tip and sometimes I don't.

One night I was merely looking at a bottle of cologne and the attendant screamed at me that I could use it only if I left a tip. Another time, I saw a girl eat one of the mints, and the woman demanded money for it.

Was this appropriate? I was under the impression that, because I pay a cover charge to get into the club, I was not obligated to put money in the tip jar -- even if I used the cologne. Besides, doesn't the club pay for the cologne and candy? -- WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

DEAR WOULD: The club may pay minimum wage to the attendant, but the supplies she brings -- the makeup, perfume, gum, candy, etc., are paid for by the attendant. They are her "concession," and her chance to make extra money. The cover charge you pay to get into the club does not include those "extras," so if you use them, you should give the person who provides them a gratuity.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been invited to a wedding -- sort of. The bride and groom planned this wedding before the groom's divorce was final. It still isn't final, but the couple has decided to go ahead with the affair, minus the ceremony.

My boyfriend is in the "bridal party" and has to rent a tuxedo. I have already spent a lot of money on a beautiful dress.

Must we also buy this couple a wedding gift? They are not actually being married at this time. My thought is to hold off until they actually tie the knot. What do you think? -- DOESN'T WANT TO BE CHEAP IN NYC

DEAR DOESN'T: What you have described is not a wedding -- it's a costume party. Give them a token gift, and if the marriage ever happens, send them something when it's official.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)