DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a very special man named "Josh" for three years. He has had only one long-term relationship, which produced two children.

My problem is Josh does not believe in marriage. I do not believe in living with someone, and I do believe in marriage.

I have asked Josh for a commitment on several occasions, and I always get a negative response. Am I being strung along, and what should I do? -- DOWNHEARTED IN OHIO

DEAR DOWNHEARTED: You're not being strung along. Josh has been honest with you -- he's not interested in marriage. In order for a marriage to happen, both parties must want to make a commitment. The fact that he has fathered not one, but two children and didn't marry the mother should be a clue. He's not the marrying kind.

If marriage is important to you, end this romance and find a partner whose goals are similar to your own. You have devoted more time to this campaign than you should have already.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 2-year-old son who is scared to death of getting his hair cut. In the past, I have done it with electric clippers on the advice of my wife's hairstylist. Hearing a small child cry and scream is the worst experience in the world. I got so upset the last time that I told my wife I refuse to cut his hair again, because it is so hard on both of us. I suggested we wait until he is older to take him to the barber.

My wife insists that I cut his hair because it is "plucking on her nerves." I feel it's too soon and not worth the terror he goes through. Should I stand my ground, or am I too soft-hearted? -- WORRIED DAD IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR DAD: Take your son to a hairdresser who is used to working with children. If necessary, hold the child on your lap while the stylist works his or her "magic." It may take a little extra time, plus a dose of distraction and child psychology, but the experience needn't be traumatic for anyone -- including you.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I left my "day job" to start my own business. Recently two former co-workers referred a couple of clients to me.

I e-mailed and thanked them for the referrals, but what is the correct thing to do if the referrals pan out and I get business from them? Is a thank-you card sufficient? It occurred to me that maybe I should offer to pay a referral fee, but I'm afraid it would be insulting. They are friendly acquaintances, although not close friends, and I know they didn't refer these people to me in the hope of getting anything out of it for themselves. What do you think? -- UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO IN OREGON

DEAR UNSURE: Referral fees are usually agreed upon in advance, and in this case it shouldn't be necessary. Thanking your former co-workers in writing is the proper thing to do. If the referrals pan out, send them a gift basket with foods and/or beverages they might enjoy.

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to my high school reunion, and I really want to go -- but I didn't graduate with my class. What is the proper thing to do? Should I go or just stay home? -- WANTS TO GO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WANTS TO GO: The invitation said "reunion." It's not a review of who graduated with the class and who didn't. Since you were invited, and you'd like to see your old classmates, accept the invitation and go. I'm sure they'll be as glad to see you as you are to see them.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 10-year-old girl who has been playing after school on a Web site for pet lovers. I like to talk to kids older than me -- 14- or- 15-year-olds. A lot of the boys I've talked to have asked for my picture, so I went to Google and found a picture of a pretty blond girl around 15 years old. I have been sending this picture to all the people who have asked me for one.

My mom looked into my e-mail and saw what I had done. Now she won't allow me on that site or to send pictures, either my own or a stranger's, to anyone.

Was she right to look at my e-mail? Is it really dangerous to do what I did? -- GROUNDED IN ORINDA, CALIF.

DEAR GROUNDED: Yes, and yes! When someone asks for your picture, that person is interested in more than just talking about pets. Although you are intelligent, at age 10 you are not experienced enough to be in a relationship with boys who are 14 and 15. And on some level, I think you are already aware of it, or you would not have sent out pictures of a pretty blond teenage girl who is older. You are lucky to have a mother who is vigilant and protective of your safety. She may have helped you dodge a bullet.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the responses to "All Tipped Out's" letter, I was reminded of a question that I have.

I frequent a certain nightclub, and in the ladies' room there is an array of toiletries and breath mints. There is also a tip jar and an attendant. I visit the club almost every week, and sometimes I leave a tip and sometimes I don't.

One night I was merely looking at a bottle of cologne and the attendant screamed at me that I could use it only if I left a tip. Another time, I saw a girl eat one of the mints, and the woman demanded money for it.

Was this appropriate? I was under the impression that, because I pay a cover charge to get into the club, I was not obligated to put money in the tip jar -- even if I used the cologne. Besides, doesn't the club pay for the cologne and candy? -- WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

DEAR WOULD: The club may pay minimum wage to the attendant, but the supplies she brings -- the makeup, perfume, gum, candy, etc., are paid for by the attendant. They are her "concession," and her chance to make extra money. The cover charge you pay to get into the club does not include those "extras," so if you use them, you should give the person who provides them a gratuity.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been invited to a wedding -- sort of. The bride and groom planned this wedding before the groom's divorce was final. It still isn't final, but the couple has decided to go ahead with the affair, minus the ceremony.

My boyfriend is in the "bridal party" and has to rent a tuxedo. I have already spent a lot of money on a beautiful dress.

Must we also buy this couple a wedding gift? They are not actually being married at this time. My thought is to hold off until they actually tie the knot. What do you think? -- DOESN'T WANT TO BE CHEAP IN NYC

DEAR DOESN'T: What you have described is not a wedding -- it's a costume party. Give them a token gift, and if the marriage ever happens, send them something when it's official.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You gave a kindly response to "Missing My Mom," the woman who went ahead with her 5-year-old's birthday party two days after her own mother's death. Had you faulted her, it would have added to the guilt she's already feeling. However, had I been in that woman's shoes, I would have postponed the party for several weeks. The loss of one's parent certainly takes precedence over a child's birthday party -- and it would have been a good lesson in values for the little one. -- 89-YEAR-OLD READER IN NORTH ROYALTON, OHIO

DEAR READER: I responded as I did because I feel that no child of 5 should be forced to associate her special day with death and mourning if it is avoidable. Read on for a sample of what other readers had to say on the subject:

DEAR ABBY: The day I buried my 17-year-old son was my niece's birthday. She was just a year and a day younger than her cousin. After the funeral, I had an impromptu party for her. She's an adult now with children of her own, but she has never forgotten. To this day she thanks me for thinking about her even though I was grieving. I believe that life must go on. We can't do anything about our loved one's death except celebrate the precious time we had with them here on Earth. -- LOVING AUNT IN COLORADO

DEAR LOVING AUNT: My dear grandmother, Rose Phillips, shared your philosophy. You have much in common. She was a strong matriarch who always looked forward, and lived to be 103.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind that mother in Maine that Jacqueline Kennedy gave her little boy a party a few days after her husband was assassinated. I think "Missing My Mom" was in good company. -- NANCY IN KATY, TEXAS

DEAR NANCY: Several other readers also pointed that out.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my mother in February of 2002, and my granddaughter had her birthday party the same week. My daughter asked me, "Are you sure, Mom?" I said, "Yes, I want to carry on 'Nana's' wonderful spirit of family first!" (My mother always put family first.)

I found it comforting to have my family around me when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. Yes, "Missing My Mom" made the right choice. My heart goes out to her. I'm sure her mother would be proud of her for thinking of others. -- J.H., PEORIA, ILL.

DEAR J.H: I couldn't agree more.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Missing My Mom" brought back fond memories of my aunt's birthday party two years ago. One month before, my grandmother had to be placed in a nursing home due to failing health. A surprise birthday celebration was planned for my aunt at the nursing home so our beloved Grandma could be included. Sadly, two days before the party, she passed away.

Our first instinct, of course, was to cancel the birthday party. However, after asking everyone, we decided to go ahead with it. It lifted our spirits and cleared our minds for a little while amidst the planning of the funeral and the sadness that consumed us. That birthday party was the best thing we could have done. It was, after all, a celebration of life.

I just want "Missing My Mom" to know that she did the right thing. -- STILL MISSING GRANDMA IN OHIO

DEAR STILL: You're so right. Life is a gift, and we should treasure each precious moment that's given to us.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)