DEAR ABBY: I may have started a war with my neighbors. About two months ago, their son, "Ricky," smashed a brick on my van while it was parked in my driveway. The damage was estimated at more than $500. I asked Ricky's parents to pay for it because I had paid them $100 a few months before, after I accidentally ran over Ricky's bike in the driveway. They didn't have to ask for the money -- I volunteered it.

When I told my neighbors about the damage, they refused to pay, saying my daughter had gotten their boy upset over a ball game they were playing. They said I should take them to court -- so that's exactly what I'm doing.

After they were served with the court papers, they called my boss and complained that I had cut them off while driving my company vehicle, a school bus. It was an outright lie. Things are starting to get out of hand. Am I wrong for wanting my van fixed? -- FRUSTRATED IN CANADA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Of course not. If you haven't already done so, speak to your boss immediately and explain exactly what is going on. Then inform the police about the boy's act of vandalism to your van. You didn't start a war. Your neighbors did when they refused to make good on the damage their son caused.

P.S. Now that you know the kid is trouble, keep your daughter away from him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who recently found out that I am the daughter of a sperm donor. I had always thought my father had died and no one would tell me why. Now I feel unloved by whoever is my father.

It scares me to think I may have brothers or sisters out there, and that he may not care that I exist. I don't understand why it's legal to just donate when a child may be born. Is there any way I can find out anything about my "real" father -- or any advice you can give me? -- DOESN't UNDERSTAND IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DOESN'T UNDERSTAND: The person who donated his sperm so that you could be conceived thought he was doing a noble deed -- helping a couple who desperately wanted a child but were unable to do so. As far as I know, there is no way to trace his identity.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who was recently widowed. Although my new status is painful, I feel that because I am no longer married, I may take back my maiden name. My dilemma stems from the fact that I receive a pension from my husband's company, and others have told me that if I don't consider myself married, that I shouldn't accept his pension.

Are they right? Is this disrespectful to my deceased husband? Am I being selfish? I don't want to upset my in-laws. Hurting and disrespecting anyone is the last thing I want to do. -- CONFUSED IN OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: As a widow, you are entitled to call yourself either by your married name or your maiden name. The choice is yours.

As a widow, you have a right to receive your husband's pension benefits until they run out. I don't know who gave you the bad advice you repeated to me, but that person is mistaken. To accept the money and go on with your life is neither selfish nor disrespectful. So take what you're entitled to, call yourself what you wish, live your life, and do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for doing so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman who was recently widowed. Although my new status is painful, I feel that because I am no longer married, I may take back my maiden name. My dilemma stems from the fact that I receive a pension from my husband's company, and others have told me that if I don't consider myself married, that I shouldn't accept his pension.

Are they right? Is this disrespectful to my deceased husband? Am I being selfish? I don't want to upset my in-laws. Hurting and disrespecting anyone is the last thing I want to do. -- CONFUSED IN OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: As a widow, you are entitled to call yourself either by your married name or your maiden name. The choice is yours.

As a widow, you have a right to receive your husband's pension benefits until they run out. I don't know who gave you the bad advice you repeated to me, but that person is mistaken. To accept the money and go on with your life is neither selfish nor disrespectful. So take what you're entitled to, call yourself what you wish, live your life, and do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for doing so.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the column you printed last New Year's Day. My mother is always cutting out articles for me. The majority end up in the trash. But that one is taped to my bathroom wall. I read it every day on my way out. If I'm having a bad day, I think about it. Please print it again for me and others. Mine is a little tattered. -- HEATHER IN FLORIDA

DEAR HEATHER: With pleasure.

DEAR READERS: Rise and shine, and welcome to 2005! This is our chance for a new beginning, the day we discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones. With that in mind, I'm printing Dear Abby's oft-requested list of New Year's resolutions -- adapted by my mother from the original credo of Al-Anon.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I'll improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking. Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I'm overweight, I'll eat healthily -- if only just for today. And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent by I.J. Bhatia, who lives in New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say: "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature." The following prayer of Saint Francis contains a powerful message:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not as much seek to be consoled as to console;

To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we are pardoned;

It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

May we find peace and joy in this New Year. To one and all, a happy, healthy 2005! -- Love, Abby

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 35 and the mother of a 10-year-old daughter, "Savannah," who is in the fourth grade.

Savannah claims that I am smothering her. She is not allowed to have sleepovers, and she may not attend any of the co-ed parties her friends throw. No sugar is allowed in our house unless it is a special occasion like a birthday. Whenever she goes to a friend's house, I call every hour to see how she is doing.

In the kitchen, Savannah is not allowed to use the stove, the oven, the blender, or any other appliance unless I am there to supervise.

My daughter attends an all-girls school because I don't want her exposed to some of the things boys do when they are her age. Savannah is not allowed to wear makeup, and I shop for her. Every morning, before she leaves home, she must come to me so I can monitor what she is wearing.

Abby, I love my daughter very much, and I only want what is best for her. Do you think I am smothering her? -- GOOD MOM IN HOUSTON

DEAR GOOD MOM: I believe you are a caring parent, but I also think you have gone off the deep end. In the name of being a conscientious parent you have placed your daughter under virtual house arrest. How is your daughter to learn to be independent and make intelligent decisions if you restrict her every move?

Calling her every hour at a friend's house to "see how she's doing" is overkill. If it doesn't stop, it won't be long before she will rebel. I know you mean well, but please, talk with a counselor about this. In the name of being a "good mom," you are stunting her growth and doing your child a disservice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college sophomore, and my roommate, "Sal," is driving me crazy. She talks down to me when we're in a group. She'll hijack my conversations and answer for me, even though I'm standing right there.

I'm not the only person who feels this way. Sal talks down to everyone. A large group of us went out to dinner and "Mike" was goofing off. She told him to sit still and use his indoor voice. She was completely serious!

She also tries to intimidate us physically. She shoves the guys around, and if the girls annoy her, she stands up as tall as she can, looks down her nose at us and announces, "I can EAT you!" At one point, she pinned me to my bed and tried to shove food in my mouth because she didn't believe I ate enough.

The few times we've tried to talk to Sal about this, she became defensive and stormed out, as she snarled that we are all immature and should grow up. We've about had enough. Can you help? -- LIVING WITH THE ALPHA DOG

DEAR LIVING: From your description, the girl has problems beyond what you and I can solve. Counseling could help her, but only if she's willing to face the fact that she needs help.

Since talking to the "alpha dog" hasn't worked, if you're living off campus, call a meeting of the housemates and inform her that you'd like her to leave. If you're staying in a dorm, request a change of rooms. And should she lay a hand on any of you in an effort to intimidate you, call the police and report the assault.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)