DEAR ABBY: I have a different sort of pet peeve, but I hope you will let me air it. If you do, I'm sure it will generate a collective sigh of relief from a few million TV watchers -- and hopefully, a station manager or two might take notice.

The weather reports all start with the terrific computer-generated maps and diagrams presented by both local and national TV meteorologists. However, they insist on standing in front of their display and waving their arms madly around, which is distracting, infuriating, and adds zilch to the report.

A typical example: The weather reporter announces the temperature in Boston is 74 degrees, then he walks across the screen to point at the number on the map. Then the reporter shows how a front is moving from the Southwest, following the station manager's instructions:

"Crouch low, sweep arms around crazily and move to the center of the screen. Stand in front of the home city data. Smile proudly. Point out the local forecast because the map is now completely obscured."

Why can't the old rubber-tipped pointers used by our grade school geography teachers (who stood thoughtfully off to the side while lecturing) be retired from the chalk trays of America and put back into service? Unlike little children, TV weathercasters should be heard and not seen. -- RETIRED TEACHER IN MORRISVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR R.T.: I agree that at times some weather reporters get in the way of the viewing -- and your recycling idea has merit. Thanks for pointing it out. I'm printing your suggestion in the hope that those who need to see it will take it to heart. But I'm not holding my breath, and you shouldn't either.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Graham," and I were married for 11 years. From the beginning, the relationship with his parents was rocky. During the last five years of our marriage, we hardly spoke to Graham's family at all -- his preference.

Graham died last year, and ever since the funeral his parents have wanted to have a close relationship with me. I am having a hard time with it, since we had no relationship before my husband died. I have children, and I think his parents believe that they need to be part of their grandchildren's lives, but what are my obligations toward them? -- FRUSTRATED AND ALONE IN CLOVIS, N.M.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your children are the only link to their son that Graham's parents have. I'm sure they regret their estrangement from your family more than words can say. Please respect that you are united in grief over the untimely death of your husband. Treat his parents kindly, encourage their participation in their grandchildren's lives, and try to find it in your heart to forgive them. If that's possible, you will all be the richer for it.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please settle a disagreement I'm having with my mother-in-law? We can't agree on the definition of New Year's Eve. If the date is Dec. 31, 2004, is it New Year's Eve 2004 or 2005? -- IN A QUANDARY IN WEST PALM BEACH

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: The Reader's Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder defines "eve" as: "1. the evening or day before a church festival or any date or event (Christmas Eve; the eve of the funeral); 2. the time before anything (the eve of the election)."

Therefore, Dec. 31, 2004, is New Year's Eve 2004. New Year's Eve 2005 will be Dec. 31 of next year.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. He didn't lay a hand on me until a year ago.

We got into an argument on Valentine's Day, and he slapped me twice that night. It happened again last month. We separated after the second incident, but I couldn't afford to move out because I've been a stay-at-home mom for six years.

Tonight we had a minor spat, and he broke my nose. An hour later, his 21-year-old girlfriend drove over and picked him up, and here my 7-year-old son and I sit, while he not only gets sympathy, but also companionship and sex.

Abby, please tell young women that getting involved with married men isn't just stupid; it's dangerous -- and often to the woman he's married to when the single woman comes into his life. -- BRUISED IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR BRUISED: I'm broadcasting your message, but don't expect much response. Men who cheat on their wives are not above lying to their girlfriends. No doubt he has filled her head with what a terrible wife you are and how unhappy you have made him. That's the "lure" to snag her in the role of "rescuer."

Perhaps you should warn her so she doesn't become victim No. 2. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, have some taken of you before your bruises heal. The police should also be contacted, and the battery put on record.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have one child, and we have decided that we are having no more. People frequently ask when we're having another child, and when we say, "Never!" they always demand to know why.

When we tell them our reasons, they go on and on about how we shouldn't make our little girl an only child and how "cruel" that would be to her.

What can we say to politely end everyone's incessant need to criticize us for not having more children? Do you agree that this is a rude question? -- HAVING FUN WITH ONE IN N.Y.

DEAR HAVING FUN: I certainly do, because that question is often painful to answer. You might catch less flak if, instead of saying "Never!" you reply as my friend Sherry does. She says, "I had the first one. It's up to my husband to have the second." That usually stops 'em.

DEAR ABBY: I think my sister has an eating disorder. She's rail-thin and is always watching her calorie intake. My concern is that she does it with my 3-year-old nephew, too. She has the child on a strict diet, counting his carb and calorie intake. Her little boy is still eating baby food (made for ages 6 to 9 months), and I'm afraid he will develop an eating disorder, too. What can I do? -- WORRIED AUNT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WORRIED AUNT: Children have very different nutritional needs than adults, and your sister needs to be aware of what they are. Encourage your sister to consult her son's pediatrician about the eating program her child is on to assure he's getting the nutrients he needs for optimum brain and body development. A session with a dietitian who's credentialed by the American Dietetic Association would also be a good idea. (They have "R.D." after their names.)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow in my mid-60s -- attractive, petite and active. I hate being alone. I have a friend I'll call Barney who is in his 70s. Barney's a wonderful dancer and a polished gentleman. We've known each other for 10 years.

About a year ago, our friendship evolved to the next level. We became intimate. I fell in love with Barney and thought I had finally found my soul mate.

Last month, I asked this wonderful man if he was looking for a committed relationship. Barney's answer shocked me. He said he didn't want to fall in love because he'd been hurt too many times. Then he told me he is also in a relationship with someone else! I was devastated. I cried all the way home. Barney still calls every day and invites me out. When I hear his voice, I melt.

My best friend, "Bea," is having a 60th birthday party next week. She has just informed me that Barney is coming and bringing his girlfriend! Abby, the only reason Bea invited Barney is that she and I both thought he'd bring me. I'd like to call him and ask him not to come and embarrass me. Or should I just stay home? I really need advice. -- HEARTSICK IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR HEARTSICK: Your "soul mate" either suffers from a sensitivity deficiency, or he's trying to send you a message: "Don't count on him, because he has a girlfriend." I sympathize with your disappointment, but don't let it stop you from attending the party. While you're there, get the lady's phone number and invite her for coffee. She might be interested to know how much the both of you have in common.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14. My friend, "Heidi," is well-endowed. Yesterday, she told me her stepdad pulls on her shirt so he can look down it. He says he doesn't mean anything by it, but it makes Heidi really uncomfortable. She has told her mom, but her mom just says he's not doing it on purpose, and ignores it. What should I do? Should I tell someone, or let her and her family settle it? -- SHOCKED IN FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR SHOCKED: By ignoring it, Heidi's mother is allowing it to continue. The first thing to do is tell your mother what's going on. Then urge your friend to speak to a trusted teacher or counselor at school about what her stepfather is doing. They are mandated to report it. Go with Heidi for moral support if necessary. Her safety depends on it, because the girl's stepfather's behavior is extremely inappropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl who sweats abnormally. I can be sitting in class and my underarms are drenched, which is embarrassing because it can be seen through clothing. My hands and feet are always moist, and my nose often has beads of sweat.

Please help me. I'm not sure what to do. -- EMBARRASSED TEEN IN DALLAS

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You may have a condition called hyperhidrosis (overactive sweat glands). Your pharmacist can recommend a special anti-perspirant that will help -- or, alternatively, ask your mom to schedule an appointment for you with a dermatologist. There are therapies for it. Good luck.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY CHRISTIAN READERS: A Merry Christmas to you, one and all.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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