DEAR ABBY: When we married in 1998, my husband "Grant" and I agreed that we would never put our parents into a nursing home as long as we were physically able to care for them. After our home was built, my father-in-law, "Papa Jake," moved in with us. Papa Jake is now 73, wheelchair-bound from a stroke, and an alcoholic.
He gets into his motorized wheelchair every day and heads out to the local bar, which is a mile away. When he returns, he's completely intoxicated, and sometimes falls. Papa Jake is also belligerent toward me, and I don't want our 2-year-old son living in this environment. I didn't bargain on this when I married Grant.
Grant refuses to tell Papa Jake that if he can't live by the rules he needs to leave. I have reached my limit. I love Grant, but I can't live like this anymore. When is enough enough? -- FED UP IN NEW YORK
DEAR FED UP: Papa Jake appears to be a danger to himself. If you haven't already done so, inform his doctor about what's going on. It's extremely unfair of your husband to wimp out and allow his father to treat you so disrespectfully -- let alone drive his wheelchair drunk on the public roads.
The bargain you made with your spouse was that you would care for his father as long as you were physically able. Well, since you are not physically able to prevent Papa Jake's forays to the bar (which put his safety at risk), insist that the time has come for Jake to go, and do not back down.