DEAR ABBY: I have a good job, a nice house, a great family and great friends -- but I'm miserable.

I hate my job, but instead of quitting, I call in sick. It has put me in danger of getting fired. I lie to my husband about the work I miss, and since I handle the finances, he doesn't realize what an impact it has. I feel like a horrible person, but I'm afraid to quit and go somewhere else. I have no other skills, and I wouldn't be able to make the same money elsewhere.

I'm also afraid my husband will find out and be furious. I feel I'm putting my family in financial jeopardy and risking everything because I can't show up for work. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I just wake up some mornings and can't face going in, so I hide out in our house and pretend that I go to work. I feel lazy and worthless. I think I may be depressed, but some weeks or months I feel fine. What should I do? -- GOING CRAZY IN ARIZONA

DEAR GOING: May I offer a couple of suggestions? Your mood swings may be chemical. Make an appointment with your physician, explain what's going on and get a referral to a psychotherapist. Once that's done, pick up the phone and find the nearest school that offers career counseling. You may have more marketable skills than you give yourself credit for.

Please don't put it off. Hiding from your husband will only make this worse. The longer you hide it, the more upset he will be when he learns what has been happening.

DEAR ABBY: For years you have printed letters from grandparents complaining that they don't receive thank-you notes. Well, I have a question: Do these people send thank-you notes to their grandchildren for gifts they've received from them?

I'm an active senior with 25 grandchildren. No matter how small the gift, I always write them a thank-you note. Each child in a family gets his own. This year, I received a pencil, a hand-drawn picture, and some 99-cent earrings, among other things. They all merited a note.

The children love getting their own thank-you note. And as soon as children can print "Thank you" they should be encouraged to send their own.

As my grandchildren have grown up, they have developed good manners, and I always hear from them no matter where they are. -- OHIO GRANNY

DEAR GRANNY: I commend you for setting such a wonderful example for your grandchildren. One of the secrets of writing an effective thank-you is to do it immediately after receiving the gift, while the reaction is spontaneous.

DEAR ABBY: My co-workers and I are having a disagreement and hope you can set the record straight. One of the women here was recently married. On the big day her maid of honor showed up at the ceremony falling-down drunk and caused a disruption.

Is the bride obligated to send her a thank-you note for the gift? I say "yes" as you would thank anyone for a gift. My co-workers disagree. They say her rude and outrageous behavior should be grounds for no thank-you note. Your response will settle our dispute. -- "MARILYN" IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR "MARILYN": I agree with you. Two wrongs don't make a right. The woman should be thanked for her gift.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Monique," has put me into financial ruin. It's all because of this girl she has been hanging around with, "Tracy." Monique's friends have warned her to stay away from Tracy because she's bad news.

Abby, the two of them have been kiting money. Monique has also forged my name on my own checks, and sold my personal items -- things left to me by my grandparents. For years, people have urged me to press charges.

Monique and I have two children, 3 and 2. I spoke to a lawyer and I will have no problem getting full custody. Monique is on one year's probation and has to pay restitution because she stole from her employer. She is American; we live in Canada. With all the stuff that's happening, Monique may have to leave the country.

Monique's parents have told me I should press charges. She has abandoned our kids while I was at work. Children's Aid got involved, and I didn't know the kids had been taken from us until I got home from work. Luckily, we got them back.

Monique wasn't like this until she met Tracy. Should I press charges, or should I just say goodbye, take the kids and go my way? A mutual friend says Monique told her that if I do that, she will forget the kids, and find a new guy and have kids with him. -- STRESSED OUT IN CANADA

DEAR STRESSED OUT: I'm glad you wrote and I'm pleased to help end your ambivalence. Listen to your common sense as well as to what Monique's parents are urging you to do. Protect yourself and the kids. Press charges. Tracy is not responsible for your fiancee's behavior. Your fiancee appears to have no conscience. Jail time won't help her mend her ways, but it will slow her down and make it more difficult for her to take advantage of her next victim.

DEAR ABBY: Last week, we invited a couple for dinner this week. Two days before the party, I called to confirm the time and they said they'd be here.

On the evening of the dinner, they showed up two hours late without even a phone call. They said the husband had to work late. Neither of them offered an apology. We had tried twice to contact them before we finally decided to go ahead and eat. They seemed offended that we did.

Were we wrong to assume they weren't coming? If you haven't heard otherwise, how long should you wait for guests before eating without them? -- TIRED TO WAITING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: You were not wrong to assume that your guests were no-shows and to have eaten dinner. That they failed to call and inform you that they had been delayed was rude. Thirty minutes is long enough to wait for tardy guests -- or less if there's danger the meal will be overcooked.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful wife, "Doreen," turned 41 a couple of months ago. Since then she has had extra piercings in her ears and has taken to wearing thumb rings, toe rings and ankle bracelets. Yesterday she pierced her navel. I am embarrassed for her. We have a 13-year-old daughter who is also embarrassed for her. How do I tell Doreen she looks silly? -- NOT SO HIP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NOT SO HIP: Your wife's fetish brings new meaning to the term "heavy metal." It shouldn't be necessary to give her a lecture. Just walk in carrying a powerful magnet. That should send a message.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband took me out to an expensive restaurant. As we chatted over dinner, we realized that the couple next to us was eavesdropping on our conversation. They could hear everything we were saying. They kept turning their heads and looking straight at us. They even tried to peek when the check came.

My husband and I tried to ignore it, however, it put a damper on our nice evening. How should we tell nosy people to "butt out" of our dinner conversation? -- CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING IN DELAWARE

DEAR CONVERSATIONALLY SPEAKING: You and your husband missed an opportunity to have some fun. If you invent wild enough dialogue, the reaction can be funnier than a floor show. You could have raised your voices just a bit and begun discussing how you were going to spend the "drug money" -- or which girl you planned to send on the next "call." Short of asking to be seated at another table, there is no foolproof way to discourage nosy eavesdroppers.

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to the one from the neighbors who complained about the noise their neighbor's children made playing basketball in the yard.

As a boy, many years ago, I probably annoyed our neighbors the same way. Now that boy has grown into a man, who has taken care of literally thousands of youngsters in my practice of behavioral pediatrics.

Experience tells me that if all youngsters would be outside playing basketball or any other activity of exertion, we would have far fewer academic and behavioral problems. Approximately 75 percent of my patients never go outside to play. Many of them are addicted to video games, and some to television. (Studies have shown that exercise reduces the need for psycho-stimulants, such as Ritalin and Adderall, as well as the dosage.)

The ramifications of this addiction are enormous. These children tend to be more agitated and anxious. Their blood pressure and pulse are often increased. Their imagination is dulled. They have a higher risk of obesity, early onset diabetes, and future cardiovascular disease. Their sleep patterns are upset (many stay up all night to play their video games after their parents are sleeping), and there is some evidence that they are at increased risk for seizures.

If the pounding of a basketball is annoying to some folks, they should step back and look at the big picture. That sound would be a symphony to my ears because I know that these youngsters are doing something that will benefit themselves and ultimately society. -- JOEL P. SUSSMAN, M.D., FAAP, COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR DR. SUSSMAN: Thank you for an important letter. As some readers pointed out, the complainer should be thankful the neighbor children are involved in activities as healthy as athletics. (Better to shoot hoops than each other!) People who can't stand the sound of children playing should relocate to a development for seniors. Let us not forget that children are people, too, and they have a right to play on their own property, providing they're not disturbing someone late at night.

CONFIDENTIAL TO JANIS IN SUN CITY: "Americans will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic or a dope fiend, but if a man doesn't drive, they think there must be something wrong with him." -- ART BUCHWALD

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)