DEAR ABBY: My name is "Lenny" and I live in Florida. About six weeks ago, my girlfriend, "Jill," and I broke up. Jill is 20 and I am 41. She was adopted by her parents as an infant.

Jill's parents saw no problem with the age difference because I had gained their trust during the year before I started seeing her.

Jill and her folks moved to Illinois, but we talk on the phone at least three times a week. I proposed marriage, but Jill said she couldn't make the decision without her father's approval. Her mother was all for it; her father was not.

Jill says that when her parents adopted her, her father put a clause in the contract that he had the right to choose the man she was to marry -- and it was signed by a judge in the state of Illinois. Is this legal? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: No, it's not. Either Jill is lying to you, or someone is lying to her.

DEAR ABBY: I have eight siblings. I am the only one who is still single. My brothers and sisters are upstanding members of their communities, happily married and raising beautiful families.

Until a few years ago, we all got together for the holidays. Now that the children are here -- 20 at last count -- my sibs prefer to spend the holidays in their own homes with their families. We get together a couple of weeks before Christmas to exchange gifts.

I know that each of my brothers and sisters thinks I'm having Christmas dinner with another family member, but in reality I'm not invited anywhere, so I spend the day alone. I'd love to spend the day with family, and I'm hoping they will see this letter and think of me. -- ALL ALONE IN MARYLAND

DEAR ALL ALONE: And what if they happen to be too busy to read the column today? Your siblings aren't mind readers, so tell them what you told me. And if an invitation isn't forthcoming, make plans for the Christmas holiday with close friends or volunteer at a shelter. The greatest joy is in giving to others. You do not have to sit alone.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and in sixth grade. I recently caught a girl in my class copying off my paper. When I asked her not to, she denied doing it. The next day, she started copying down my answers word for word. This time, I asked her if she would like to pair up and work together. She sneered at me and told me to get my "help" from the teacher.

I told the teacher then, and the teacher replied, "She is having trouble with her work and personal problems at home. Just imagine if this math was hard for you."

The girl has ADHD. Should I continue to let this girl copy me? -- STUDENT IN PHOENIX

DEAR STUDENT: No, you should not. Because if you do, a girl who is already having trouble with math will never learn how to solve the problems herself.

P.S. It was nice of you to volunteer to help by pairing up with her. But this girl has bigger problems than you are equipped to cope with.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in regard to the mother who discovered her 14-year-old daughter sleeping in the nude. I say bravo to that mother and father for creating a home where the girl felt safe enough to sleep that way.

When I was young, I had an older brother who harassed me. I slept with my ears alert and covers up to my nose. I have been through two divorces -- and I wouldn't have allowed myself to be caught sleeping in the nude by either of my husbands. They might come home or wake up in a rage, and I needed to be prepared for whatever might happen.

I now have a husband with whom I'm completely relaxed -- so I no longer feel the need to wear anything in bed. I keep a robe at bedside for emergencies, but I now sleep comfortably without nightclothes that wrap around my legs or cut off the circulation in my arms. -- SLEEPING WELL IN TOPEKA

DEAR SLEEPING WELL: I have always considered wearing (or not wearing) clothing in bed to be a comfort issue. It hadn't occurred to me that it might reflect a measure of emotional security. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the "Worried Mom" made me laugh, remembering when I was in high school. A group of friends and I decided to "kidnap" four other friends and take them out for breakfast before school. We surprised them in their beds, intending to take them out in public in their pajamas.

All was well until the third house. Like the girl in the letter, our friend "Angie" slept in the nude. I have never seen anyone blush harder than she did that morning. -- CHRISTA IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR CHRISTA: I guess the "surprise" was on YOU.

DEAR ABBY: I suspect that "Worried Mom" reacted so strongly because she's terrified of her daughter's awakening sexuality, and Mom equates nudity with sex, and sex is "wrong."

Now Mom has two tasks ahead of her. The first is to overcome her own hang-ups. The second is to have a frank discussion with her daughter about how to protect herself in sexual situations. Please tell her to stop worrying. Sleeping nude IS more comfortable. -- DOES IT TOO, COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR D.I.T.: What was it that Marilyn Monroe used to say? At bedtime her preferred attire was Chanel No. 5.

DEAR ABBY: There are few things in life more freeing than taking a hot shower and jumping nude into bed with fresh, crisp sheets. Please tell that mother not to make something nasty of it. She should try it herself. -- BIRTHDAY SUIT SLEEPER IN CASEYVILLE

DEAR SLEEPER: One thing about a birthday suit, it's always in style. And if it loses its shape, it can be altered.

DEAR ABBY: That mother needs to worry about more important things in life than what her daughter wears to bed. If the worst thing that girl has ever done is sleep in the nude, the writer is one lucky mom.

Obviously, "Mom" hasn't started menopause yet. If she had, she, too, would be sleeping in the nude because of hot flashes. -- HOT FLASH MOM, ROCKY RIVER, OHIO

DEAR MOM: Good point.

DEAR ABBY: As a nation that prides itself on freedom and liberty, we sure have become a nation of Puritans when it comes to the human body. In most of Europe, the sight of breasts on public television is matter-of-fact, and nude or partially nude bodies sunning on the beaches of the Mediterranean are commonplace.

I would like to challenge your readers to explain why the sight of a nude body is an object of fear and shame rather than of beauty and pride. -- ANTI-PRUDE IN SCOTTSDALE

DEAR ANTI-PRUDE: That's an intelligent question.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter went to a party at a frat house where she was given a great deal to drink. Feeling "woozy," she went outside. One of the "boys" she had been talking to went with her and suggested she go back to his room to lie down. She had known this fellow before that night and trusted him. She was drunk, and he had sex with her. It was her first time. She claims she tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't, and she couldn't make him.

Shouldn't the young man be punished in some way? I feel something should be done, and I also worry about him doing this to some other girl. Would this constitute date rape? -- CONFUSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFUSED: You're darn right it was date rape. And the "something" you should do is call the nearest rape crisis center and get help for your daughter. You should also inform the police. I'm sure they'll be interested to know that minors are being given alcohol and taken advantage of at that fraternity house, as well as the name of the man who assaulted your daughter. You're absolutely correct that he's likely to do it again.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Howie" for a year. I love him and want to spend my life with him, but there's a problem. Women are attracted to Howie like bees to honey. I have seen this with my own eyes. Women come on to him even though he tells them he's in a serious relationship. Should I look the other way when they start up? Yes, Howie does talk to them, but he is just a friendly guy.

I don't want to lose my boyfriend over this, but it's really starting to bother me. How should I handle it? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If you and Howie didn't have something special, you wouldn't have lasted as a couple. Short of throwing a bag over your boyfriend's head, there is no way to make him less attractive. However, if your "friendly guy" leaves you to fend for yourself all evening, that's considered bad manners -- and you would be within your rights to let him know it.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went through a difficult two-year divorce from "Jayson" after 10 years of marriage. My former mother-in-law, "Violet," now insists that I return the china that Jayson and I received during the marriage. I always thought a gift was just that -- a gift.

Violet insists that the china be returned. She says it wasn't from "my" family. I say it WAS my family -- for 10 years. You see, Abby, Jayson left me. I was trying to work on our problems, but he wanted out. Now Violet is calling me a martyr and saying I have no right to the china.

I have informed Jayson and his mother-from-hell that the china is boxed and in storage, and that I'm saving it for our son. Am I wrong? -- FURIOUS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR FURIOUS: When your son and his future bride are ready to set up a household, they'll want to select their own china. Of this you can be sure. If the china has been in your husband's family for generations, return it. If that's not the case, offer to let your former mother-in-law BUY it back.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)