DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and my 5-year-old daughter, "Liza," just started kindergarten. Her father, "George," remarried two years ago to a woman I'll call Beth. Beth has a 6-year-old daughter.

Now that Liza is going to "big school," Beth wants to come to all of Liza's parent-teacher functions with George (and in his place when he can't make it). George agrees with her.

I don't want Beth there. I am Liza's mother. It would be one thing if I weren't around and my daughter needed a mother to come to these things. I appreciate Beth wanting to do it, but to have her there would make me uncomfortable.

I don't want to hurt Beth's feelings, but as a mother she should understand. Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I approach them with this? Please advise. -- FEELING STEPPED ON IN N.C.

DEAR FEELING: Before saying anything, consider that Beth is showing a sincere interest in Liza's education. That is a plus if custody is shared. Every child should be as fortunate as your little girl that all of the adults in her life want to make sure she excels in school. Please think this through. Your daughter's welfare should come first, and in this case, three heads may be better than two.

DEAR ABBY: My 80-year-old mother-in-law, "Verna," moved in with my wife and me sometime back. We thought it would be better for her than living so far away and alone. Her husband of many years died about 15 years ago, and she is still depressed.

The trouble is, Verna has become reclusive. She hoards food in her room, rarely comes out, and spends hours just talking to her dog. She also believes that we feel she's an intrusion in our lives.

Abby, my wife and I talked this over before Verna came to live here, and we both acknowledged that although it might be difficult, we could work through any problems. However, lately the problems have begun to include imaginary issues such as saying we won't permit her use of the telephone. (It never happened!) Is it time to seek professional help? -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONCERNED: Yes. Any change in the behavior of a person your mother-in-law's age could signal a physical, mental or neurological problem. She should be evaluated by a doctor who specializes in geriatrics -- and while you're at it, the doctor should be told about her chronic depression and hoarding. One thing is certain: She won't get any better if you ignore the problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 41-year-old gay man who has survived the AIDS virus for almost 19 years. I recently had a bad health scare and realized there was so much I wanted to say to people. It occurred to me that I should write my own eulogy. I'm not sure if that's appropriate or just self-indulgent.

I'd appreciate your thoughts. A positive attitude has been my strength. -- "WATCH ME FLY" IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR "WATCH ME FLY": If you would like to write your own eulogy, by all means do so. You won't be the first to do it, and it's a surefire way to assure your message gets across -- especially if it's videotaped.

P.S. I hope your "flight" is long delayed and you have many more good years in Palm Springs.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I joined an online dating service six months ago. Although my family disapproved, I researched my options and found a reputable company.

After two months of meeting numerous nice people whom I would consider friends, I met a really special guy. We have been talking on the phone and e-mailing for four months. We have never met, nor have we exchanged pictures. We wanted to get to know each other from the inside out first.

We have finally decided to exchange pictures. I asked a friend to take my picture and was disappointed with the results. I know I could look better. She says I'm being overly critical and shallow, that if he finds fault with the picture that I look just "OK" in, he's not worth it.

Shouldn't I attempt to send the best picture I can, even though he assures me that looks aren't everything? Don't I owe it to myself and to him to look good -- not just "OK"? -- OK BUT NOT GREAT IN IDAHO

DEAR OK: Listen to your head and not your girlfriend. Looks aren't everything, but they can be an asset. Go to a professional photographer and have some pictures taken with good lighting -- both head shots and photos that show your figure. It's called putting your best foot forward. First impressions are important, so don't sell yourself short.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman in high school. This guy I like is very sweet, but he has a girlfriend. He likes me a lot, too, but he doesn't want anyone to be hurt so he's reluctant to break up with her. I told him I won't wait forever, and he told me he's trying to get her to break up with him.

He doesn't accept her calls, doesn't take her anywhere, and has asked his friends to tell her bad things about him. She refuses to get the message.

How can we get the point across to her without hurting her more than necessary? Did I mention that he's sweet, sensitive, caring and CUTE! -- IN LOVE IN GRAND RAPIDS

DEAR IN LOVE: He may be sweet, sensitive, caring and cute, but the boy is also too immature to realize that his unwillingness to level with his girlfriend will hurt her more in the long run than telling her the truth. Unless he speaks up, the girl will continue to hang on because she has nothing to lose. The sooner she hurts and heals, the sooner she can begin looking for someone who will truly care for her.

Now a word of caution to you: Watch carefully how he treats this girl, because chances are great that it's the way you will be treated one day.

DEAR ABBY: I am a nanny for twins who are now about 6 months old. I have a degree in education and specialize in preschool. Based on my experience with developmental milestones, it is quite obvious that one of the twins is hearing-impaired. I was hoping the pediatrician would notice it at their last physical, but that didn't happen. I don't know if it is my place to tell the mother, because I certainly wouldn't want to learn that my child cannot hear from the nanny. Should I let this go, or should I tell? -- NANNIFIED IN OHIO

DEAR NANNIFIED: You should certainly tell the mother that you are concerned about the child, and why. Suggest that during the baby's next visit to the pediatrician she mention your observation to the doctor. You are a professional, and as such, your expertise should be shared with your employer. It's the responsible thing to do.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school. When I was 13, I had a party while my parents were not at home. I got drunk, and my boyfriend, "Jimmy Joe," raped me. I tried to kill myself afterward, but was unsuccessful. I told my best friend that Jimmy Joe and I had broken up because we never got to see each other.

Two years later, I had a mental meltdown and told her why I really broke up with Jimmy Joe. She said I should tell my father, since he and I are really close.

Daddy has always trusted me, and I'm afraid if I tell him, he'll lose trust in me because of the party I had when he and Mom weren't home. Because it has been so long since it happened, and I am over it now, is it even worth telling him about it? -- UNDECIDED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNDECIDED: Giving the party was wrong, but the rape was not your fault. Tell your father what happened. He may be disappointed that you broke the rules, but he will also be concerned for your welfare. You may discover that by revealing what happened, you become closer to both your parents. It is never too late to get help, and if this episode were truly over, you would not be having "meltdowns." There are crisis centers for rape victims, and it would benefit you to visit one and tell your story. That's how healing begins.

DEAR ABBY: I need help! I have this friend who insists on buying me gifts that I don't want, like or need. She buys me T-shirts that don't fit me, among other items. She's driving me crazy. She says she does it because I'm her best friend. (She's not my best friend.)

I have told her several times to please stop spending her money on me. She won't listen. Most of the gifts she gives me end up going to charity.

Why does she do this? How can I get her to stop spending and wasting her money? I don't -- and won't -- buy her anything. -- GOING CRAZY IN PORTLAND

DEAR GOING CRAZY: She does it because she wants to be your best friend and she knows she's not. She thinks that if she keeps on giving, it will persuade you to like her more. You can get her to stop by refusing to accept the gifts. Tell her you like her, but that being on the receiving end all the time makes you feel uncomfortable. A lot of people make that mistake. They give and give and give some more, and when they don't get what they want in return, they feel cheated.

DEAR ABBY: How do I set limits with a neighbor who is kind and good-hearted, but who will not leave me alone? She has told me to close my blinds and curtains, and then she won't come over -- but I don't want to sit in my house in the dark. When I do that, she comes and looks for me at my work. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is stressing me out. -- HIDING IN DOVER, DEL.

DEAR HIDING: Your kind, good-hearted neighbor may be bored or lonely, but she also lacks judgment. Since you need privacy, speak up. Tell her she's stressing you out, and that when you want company you'll call and invite her over. Tell her you prefer that she not drop by without calling first. Should she come to your office, explain that you are too busy to visit. It's the truth. Please don't wait, because if you continue to tolerate her behavior, one day you'll explode and say something you'll regret.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)