DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school. When I was 13, I had a party while my parents were not at home. I got drunk, and my boyfriend, "Jimmy Joe," raped me. I tried to kill myself afterward, but was unsuccessful. I told my best friend that Jimmy Joe and I had broken up because we never got to see each other.

Two years later, I had a mental meltdown and told her why I really broke up with Jimmy Joe. She said I should tell my father, since he and I are really close.

Daddy has always trusted me, and I'm afraid if I tell him, he'll lose trust in me because of the party I had when he and Mom weren't home. Because it has been so long since it happened, and I am over it now, is it even worth telling him about it? -- UNDECIDED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR UNDECIDED: Giving the party was wrong, but the rape was not your fault. Tell your father what happened. He may be disappointed that you broke the rules, but he will also be concerned for your welfare. You may discover that by revealing what happened, you become closer to both your parents. It is never too late to get help, and if this episode were truly over, you would not be having "meltdowns." There are crisis centers for rape victims, and it would benefit you to visit one and tell your story. That's how healing begins.

DEAR ABBY: I need help! I have this friend who insists on buying me gifts that I don't want, like or need. She buys me T-shirts that don't fit me, among other items. She's driving me crazy. She says she does it because I'm her best friend. (She's not my best friend.)

I have told her several times to please stop spending her money on me. She won't listen. Most of the gifts she gives me end up going to charity.

Why does she do this? How can I get her to stop spending and wasting her money? I don't -- and won't -- buy her anything. -- GOING CRAZY IN PORTLAND

DEAR GOING CRAZY: She does it because she wants to be your best friend and she knows she's not. She thinks that if she keeps on giving, it will persuade you to like her more. You can get her to stop by refusing to accept the gifts. Tell her you like her, but that being on the receiving end all the time makes you feel uncomfortable. A lot of people make that mistake. They give and give and give some more, and when they don't get what they want in return, they feel cheated.

DEAR ABBY: How do I set limits with a neighbor who is kind and good-hearted, but who will not leave me alone? She has told me to close my blinds and curtains, and then she won't come over -- but I don't want to sit in my house in the dark. When I do that, she comes and looks for me at my work. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she is stressing me out. -- HIDING IN DOVER, DEL.

DEAR HIDING: Your kind, good-hearted neighbor may be bored or lonely, but she also lacks judgment. Since you need privacy, speak up. Tell her she's stressing you out, and that when you want company you'll call and invite her over. Tell her you prefer that she not drop by without calling first. Should she come to your office, explain that you are too busy to visit. It's the truth. Please don't wait, because if you continue to tolerate her behavior, one day you'll explode and say something you'll regret.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid al-Fitr!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last summer I was attacked by my boss's dog at work, leaving a nasty scar on my nose. My boss, claiming to be a "healing expert," advised me to avoid a trip to the doctor (as they don't put stitches in one's nose, he said) and to instead let him apply "healing oils" to my face. He said the scar would be gone within a month. I naively heeded his advice.

During my remaining time at work, his wife (also my boss and the true owner of the dog) looked after me caringly, always wishing me well on my healing, swearing genuinely by her husband's talents as a healer.

Three months and nine days later, the scar is still there, and on a recent trip to the doctor he informed me that I should have gotten stitches. I now face expensive plastic surgery or dermatological work if I want to be rid of the scar.

I am debating whether I should take legal action. I'd feel guilty because the wife would be the brunt of any lawsuit when, I believe, she sincerely had faith in her husband, but I can't help but feel he cheated me. What should I do? -- DOWNTRODDEN AND DOG-BITTEN

DEAR D&D: It should be as plain as the scar on your nose to your employers that the husband's "healing powers" failed in your case. Put them on notice that you will be getting a referral to a board-certified plastic surgeon or dermatologist to repair the damage to your face, and that you expect them or their insurance provider to pay the bill. If they give you an argument, consult a lawyer. Do not feel guilty. You are the victim. How the "healer" handles this letter will reveal whether he's truly a healer, or just a heel.

DEAR ABBY: Two months before our wedding, my fiance, "Frank," and I called it off. We broke up completely for a while, hoping to resolve some problems before tying the knot. At the time, I had a maid of honor and five bridesmaids, all dearest, closest friends.

Since then we have all graduated, and now, a year after our original wedding date, Frank and I are engaged again.

A few of the girls who were supposed to be in the wedding party have drifted away, and as I plan my upcoming wedding, I'm wondering if I must re-invite every member of the original wedding party. I would prefer a smaller number of attendants, to make it a more special group. However, I'm afraid that if I do that, I'll irrevocably damage my friendship with some of these girls. I'd appreciate your advice. -- PARTY-PRUNING BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR PARTY-PRUNER: As long as you explain to your girlfriends that you are scaling down the wedding in favor of something smaller and more simple, they should understand and not be offended. Some of them may even be relieved to be off the hook for the dresses, shoes and other expenses that go along with the "honor."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My name is Crystal and I am 24 years old. For some time now, I have wanted to send letters to our troops overseas to express how much the citizens of this country appreciate and respect them and their families. They sacrifice so much to serve our country. I would like the privilege of telling them we care about them, as well as the chance to make some new friends.

With the holidays quickly approaching, I believe it is even more important to show that we care. Could you please let me and your other readers know of a way we can e-mail or send regular mail to make all of this possible?

I would also like to remind everyone that as we are all busy with cooking and shopping for the holidays, we should take some time to let our brave members of the military know we care for them and their families. God bless everyone in the world! -- APPRECIATIVE IN SAN JOSE

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Your sentiments are beautiful, and I can't think of a better time to express them than today -- Veterans Day -- and also the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's holidays.

Following the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the anthrax scare, our Department of Defense suspended the Operation Dear Abby mail program. The DOD believed that mail made it too easy for terrorists to send bombs and/or other harmful agents to the military.

On Dec. 20, 2001, the Department of Defense and Dear Abby partnered to launch an official DOD Web site so that messages of support could be safely sent to our troops. Members of all branches of the military worldwide can read these messages wherever they are stationed -- even in a submarine deep in the ocean.

OperationDearAbby.net, the only official DOD Web site for sending personally written messages of support to all branches of the military year-round, is easy to use. Please visit and send as many messages as you wish. It's quicker and less expensive than the old way, and messages from home are the biggest morale booster there is.

And while I'm on the subject of morale boosters -- let's not forget the many veterans in veterans hospitals around the country. Cards would certainly be appreciated by those patients, so please consider sending some to the ones in your state.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine is pregnant and has been told by her doctor that the baby has a serious genetic mutation that will most likely result in a stillbirth or death shortly after it is born. I would like to have a baby shower for her, but I am not sure if it is appropriate because of the unhappy circumstances. As you can imagine, my friend feels very sad about this situation. Please advise. -- CARING FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARING FRIEND: In view of the fact that this child isn't going to make it -- barring a miracle -- there are better ways to show your support than to host a baby shower. You and her other friends should stay in close contact with the mother-to-be, and provide a willing ear and shoulder to cry on. She needs to know that you are there for her far more than gift-wrapped reminders of the baby she will lose.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)