DEAR ABBY: My name is Crystal and I am 24 years old. For some time now, I have wanted to send letters to our troops overseas to express how much the citizens of this country appreciate and respect them and their families. They sacrifice so much to serve our country. I would like the privilege of telling them we care about them, as well as the chance to make some new friends.

With the holidays quickly approaching, I believe it is even more important to show that we care. Could you please let me and your other readers know of a way we can e-mail or send regular mail to make all of this possible?

I would also like to remind everyone that as we are all busy with cooking and shopping for the holidays, we should take some time to let our brave members of the military know we care for them and their families. God bless everyone in the world! -- APPRECIATIVE IN SAN JOSE

DEAR APPRECIATIVE: Your sentiments are beautiful, and I can't think of a better time to express them than today -- Veterans Day -- and also the Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's holidays.

Following the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the anthrax scare, our Department of Defense suspended the Operation Dear Abby mail program. The DOD believed that mail made it too easy for terrorists to send bombs and/or other harmful agents to the military.

On Dec. 20, 2001, the Department of Defense and Dear Abby partnered to launch an official DOD Web site so that messages of support could be safely sent to our troops. Members of all branches of the military worldwide can read these messages wherever they are stationed -- even in a submarine deep in the ocean.

OperationDearAbby.net, the only official DOD Web site for sending personally written messages of support to all branches of the military year-round, is easy to use. Please visit and send as many messages as you wish. It's quicker and less expensive than the old way, and messages from home are the biggest morale booster there is.

And while I'm on the subject of morale boosters -- let's not forget the many veterans in veterans hospitals around the country. Cards would certainly be appreciated by those patients, so please consider sending some to the ones in your state.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend of mine is pregnant and has been told by her doctor that the baby has a serious genetic mutation that will most likely result in a stillbirth or death shortly after it is born. I would like to have a baby shower for her, but I am not sure if it is appropriate because of the unhappy circumstances. As you can imagine, my friend feels very sad about this situation. Please advise. -- CARING FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARING FRIEND: In view of the fact that this child isn't going to make it -- barring a miracle -- there are better ways to show your support than to host a baby shower. You and her other friends should stay in close contact with the mother-to-be, and provide a willing ear and shoulder to cry on. She needs to know that you are there for her far more than gift-wrapped reminders of the baby she will lose.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with a family problem that could permanently break the bonds with my parents. I am a dentist, married with a family, who followed my father's footsteps into the profession. After five years working at my father's practice, I purchased the practice at full market value.

When this happened, our roles were instantly reversed. I was now running the show. Over the next six years, I took the practice in new directions. My relationship with my parents became more strained and distant as they saw me become more successful.

Father is now retired, and recently needed to have two crowns redone. Although my parents' dental care is free, there was an outside laboratory bill for the fabrication of the two new crowns that came to about $300. I asked my father to pay the lab bill.

I thought things were all right until my mother came in for a routine cleaning a few weeks ago and called me every name in the book. She couldn't believe I would charge my own father for his dental work after raising me as their son. What should I do? I told my mother I'd pay the lab bill myself. Am I wrong on this? My parents and I seem to have completely different views. -- D.D.S. IN DEEP DOO-DOO

DEAR D.D.S.: Geez Louise, it was your FATHER! Where would you be today if you hadn't followed his career path? Allow me to share a philosophy I learned from my own dear mother: "If you're going to do something, give it your best effort." In your case, since you were providing your father's dental care "gratis," that means you should have gone all the way -- and been happy to do it.

DEAR ABBY: My son was invited to a birthday party. When I called the mom to RSVP, I asked her what kind of toys her son was interested in. She replied that it was rude to ask what to buy him, and to just buy him "something suitable for a boy."

Abby, I wasn't trying to be rude. I just thought that if I was going to purchase a gift for the child, I ought to know what he was interested in so I wouldn't buy him something he wouldn't use.

Was I rude to ask the question? I shall think twice about asking again. -- ANONYMOUS IN CANADA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The mother was wrong to chastise you. Not only do I not think you were rude to ask the question, but I think it was intelligent of you to ask.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife, "Selma," for two years. I'm sure we both do things that bother each other, but the one thing she does that gets on my nerves is to open my mail. If the mail is addressed to both of us, then I don't mind.

When I come home from work, I find my personal mail opened, read and scattered on the table. How do I tell her to stop reading my mail? -- NO PRIVACY IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR N.P.: Tell her in plain English that it is an invasion of privacy and you resent it, and that you expect to find the envelopes intact when you get home from work. If she doesn't comply, get a post office box in your name only and have your mail delivered there.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A female reader, "Humiliated in Birmingham," wrote that a vendor had come to her place of employment and made lewd comments to her. After learning that the vendor would be training her on software she'd be using for her recent promotion, she reported the incident to her superior. Four days later, she was demoted, publicly humiliated, and felt forced to resign.

I am a former human resources manager, Abby, and that woman should know that she was the victim of hostile environment harassment and subjected to retaliation by her employer for reporting it. Most harassment policies prohibit third-party harassment and retaliation.

"Humiliated" should create a timeline of the events that occurred, and then consult a lawyer or visit her state human rights office. The documentation should include when the harassment occurred, where it occurred, and specifically what lewd comments were made by the vendor. It would also be helpful to note what she did when it occurred, such as telling the vendor that it made her uncomfortable or whether she walked away.

She may also want to locate a copy of the company's harassment policy and any relevant information regarding the promotion and demotion, including if anything was in writing. It should also be noted if anyone witnessed the harassment or the public humiliation.

After documenting her story, this agency will likely file a complaint on her behalf with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and will contact her employer to obtain their story about what happened. Since it's doubtful an investigation by the company was completed, and "Humiliated" was retaliated against, the agency will look unfavorably upon this. "Humiliated" may also want to consider what resolution she is looking for, such as being restored to the promoted position and being trained by a different individual. -- SYMPATHETIC IN LEAWOOD, KAN.

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: Thank you for your helpful letter. It's one that should be clipped and saved by anyone entering the workforce and anyone who owns a business. Most businesses have sexual harassment policies in writing, but not all do. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Fifty lashes with a wet noodle for specifically recommending a female lawyer to "Humiliated in Birmingham." You dropped the ball. Any decent attorney, male or female, should be empathetic and hard-working in pursuing the case. Unless the person hiring the attorney is uncomfortable with a particular gender, the gender of the attorney should not be a criterion. -- DENNIS HUGHES, PLAINFIELD, IND.

DEAR DENNIS: You're right; I was wrong. I apologize for suggesting that a female lawyer might identify more strongly with her situation than a male lawyer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was harassed by a vendor at work. The receptionist -- a man -- witnessed it. He empowered me, and I called the vendor's boss and told him what had happened. It turned out there had been other complaints about the man. -- CAMMIE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAMMIE: Thank you for pointing out that when harassment occurs, it's often part of a pattern of behavior.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)