DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old bisexual female. I am madly in love with my partner, "Darci." We have been together for 10 short, wonderful months, but I know without a doubt in my heart that she's "the one" for me. She feels the same.

All I have ever really wanted out of life is to become a mother. I feel that is the reason I was born female, and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I died without giving birth. I also don't want to become a mother in any other way except the "old-fashioned way."

Darci knows how I feel about this and says it's OK with her -- she wouldn't care if I was with a man for that purpose only. But whenever we talk about it, I get the feeling that she's only agreeing because she thinks it will hurt me if she doesn't.

I don't want to take her word for it and have it eventually ruin our relationship because she really isn't OK with it. So my question is, should I go ahead and try to have a baby in the old-fashioned way, or just forget it and not fulfill my one and only true dream because I love her so much and don't want to lose her? -- TORN IN OREGON

DEAR TORN: This is a question you and your partner should discuss with an obstetrician/gynecologist. Surely you are aware that you can be impregnated by artificial insemination, using donor sperm or the sperm of a donor you and Darci know. In that way, you could fulfill your dream without having to worry about arousing any insecurities in your partner. In your case, the method might be an improvement on the "old-fashioned way."

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced after only eight years of marriage. I raised my son, "Bart," alone. We have always had a close relationship, except for the normal ups and downs during his teen years.

Bart is now a successful adult in his late 20s, working professionally in a nearby suburb. He usually calls me once or twice a week and drops by for dinner a couple of times a month. I look forward to his visits and our heart-to-heart chats. We share a similar sense of humor and many interests, including gardening.

Bart has had several girlfriends in the past, but has been dating a lovely new woman for several months. She is a sweet, bright young lady with whom I get along very well.

In recent months, whenever Bart visits, his girlfriend always comes along. She rarely joins in the conversation and seems only to sit there waiting for us to "finish" so they can be on their way. Our talks have become brief and superficial -- far different from times past. I wish he would visit by himself sometimes. Am I wrong to want to see my son without her occasionally? -- MAUI MAMA IN HAWAII

DEAR MAUI MAMA: No, and you should tell your son how you feel. It is nice that he has found a girl who is worthy of bringing home to Mama, but that doesn't mean she should come along on every visit.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin came crying to me. She said her husband had been having an affair. She was devastated -- until I told her about an incident at my last job. My boss, "Lila," confided to me that her husband had had an affair. She said that after she caught him cheating with her sister, she took him back and told him, "Remember this: I'VE got an affair coming."

From then on, he was so busy making sure she didn't cheat on him that she never had to worry about him cheating on her. -- LAUGHING IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR LAUGHING: Your boss was a clever lady, but I hope she wasn't serious. One wrong is bad enough. Two wrongs not only don't make a right, but can also destroy a marriage.

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DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is in her late 70s, lives alone with her standard poodle, "Bonaparte." She refuses to go anywhere unless we agree that Bonaparte can go, too. When one of us offers to take her to dinner, the poodle waits in the car. She won't visit family members either, unless Bonaparte is welcome.

For Mother's birthday, I planned a special outing at a lovely restaurant and a matinee performance of a show that was in town. Mamma refused to go unless we took the dog. It wasn't appropriate, so I told her no. She refused to go and is still mad at me. She continually tries to make me feel guilty for "spoiling" her birthday.

How can I make my mother realize that the dog is an animal companion, and there are times when she needs to enjoy the company of people sans her dog? -- HAD IT UP TO HERE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HAD IT: Some people are so fond of their pets they are reluctant to part with them, even temporarily. Your mother appears to be one of them. She has made her feelings clear, and I doubt anyone -- myself included -- could convince her to socialize without him. (Feelings are not always rational.) Since you can't teach an old dog new tricks, when you invite your mother and the dog out, make sure there is plenty of air circulating in the car and a water bowl so Bonaparte will be safe and comfortable.

DEAR ABBY: My beloved 8-year-old niece, "Emily," has expressed that she's embarrassed to be seen with me because I am "so big." I'm aware that children are easily embarrassed by differences, be it someone using a cane, someone with a foreign accent, or someone who is fat like me.

I don't want to embarrass Emily on the days that I pick her up from school, but I also don't want to condone her attitude about "fat people" by hiding in the car.

How can I expect an 8-year-old to be free of prejudice when even supposedly mature adults expect all women to be slim-slender-thin-petite? I know Emily loves me; she just doesn't want people to see us together in public. What advice have you for us? -- CONCERNED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CONCERNED: Under no circumstances should you hide. Remind your niece that there is more to a person than just the package -- that when you love someone, you accept that person for who he or she is, not how he or she looks. Emily may be only 8, but she's old enough to learn that lesson.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I can't discuss with my family. I am 45 years old, married for 12 years, and I am in love with my wife's daughter from her first marriage. "Danica" is 24 and married. I have had these feelings for her for quite some time. Danica is fun to be around and very pretty when she smiles. We have talked when she has been over to visit her mother, and she drives me crazy. My wife says I have a crush on her daughter. Thank God she doesn't know how much.

I asked Danica out to dinner one night, just the two of us. It was going well until I spilled my guts and told her how I felt about her. She was shocked. The only thing she said was I was married to her mother and she was married. I asked her if she had anything else to say, and she replied that she didn't know what to say. Needless to say, the rest of the night didn't go well. I took her to her car and told her the offer was always open.

Four days latter, I sent her a dozen red roses with a card that said, "Let's be friends." I tried to call her, but she said she didn't feel comfortable talking to me. Now she treats me like I have the plague. What should I do? Just wait, and pray she'll talk to me? -- SMITTEN IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR SMITTEN: No. The first thing you should do is take a cold shower and wake up. You have slipped from fantasy into obsession, created a rift in the family and made a fool of yourself. Stop with the calls and roses. You and Danica will never be "friends" now that your inappropriate feelings are out in the open. If you can't let go of this, please talk to a mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: Please accept my apology for thinking that every time you advise counseling you were "passing the buck." After years of abuse and three nightmare marriages, I am finally finding myself through psychiatric care.

After my husband of 27 years left me, I was shattered -- terrified. I couldn't stop crying. I made a desperate call to a mental health hotline and was advised to go to the nearest emergency hospital. My physician met me there and I admitted myself to their psychiatric ward. It was the beginning of a new life.

Everyone I encountered, from the person in admitting to the doctors and nurses, the staff and other patients, helped me. I started to heal. The classes were extremely helpful. The counselors were truly giving and caring. I signed myself out after five days, but continue going in for weekly counseling. My counselor recently told me I would make a great counselor.

I will soon begin taking courses at my local college to become certified. And now that I am healing, I'm doing volunteer work in mental health care and awareness. My goal is to make the public realize the importance of mental health.

I have learned you can live in fear or reach out for help. There is no reason for anyone to suffer when help is close at hand. There are toll-free hotline numbers for crisis intervention.

Thank you for always being there, Abby. I know you were there for me. -- SUNSHINE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SUNSHINE: Thank YOU for sharing your personal success. When you were in crisis, you were wise to recognize it for what it was and get help. There should be no shame in such a positive, life-affirming act.

Another valuable resource for the mentally ill is an organization called the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI). It offers emotional and educational support to people -- and families -- with all the major mental disorders. Its toll-free number is (800) 950-6264. The Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.nami.org" ��www.nami.org�.