DEAR ABBY: "Mitch" and I have been best-friends-with-benefits for nine years. He has a live-in girlfriend, "Edna," and they have an 11-month-old son together. The two of them are always fighting and yelling, and I'm always the peacemaker. I helped in raising their child so often that the boy called me Mom before he said it to Edna.

Two years ago, I told Mitch I wanted to be with him -- something more than just his girl on the side. He said he already knew it, but had been waiting for me to say it. He said he felt the same way, but he wasn't ready to go from one relationship to another.

When I first told him how I felt, he told me not to wait for him. He said if I did find someone, I shouldn't hold back because of him. When I finally did meet and date someone, Mitch got into an uproar about it and said he didn't like the guy. I ended the relationship to please him.

So here I sit, committed to someone who can't do the same for me, and feeling confused and lonely. I believe I am in love with Mitch. We still have a sexual relationship. I have tried to cool things down, but when I see Mitch, I just melt. Do you think he means what he says, or is he just telling me what I want to hear for what he can get? -- MISERABLE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MIZ: Let's review what Mitch has been saying: He said he has known for years that you're in love with him. He also told you not to wait for him. If Mitch loved you, do you really think he'd be living with someone else and telling you to move on? I don't.

Now let's look at what Mitch has been getting: He has someone who has continued to sleep with him in spite of the fact that he lives with someone else and fathered a child with her. On top of that, you're a free baby sitter and peacemaker. Enough about what he's getting. All you're getting is heartache.

I'll give Mitch high marks for salesmanship. But you shouldn't "buy" everything he sells you.

DEAR ABBY: I am employed by a national company to tutor high school students, one-on-one. For various reasons, I suspect that one of my students -- with whom I meet every one or two weeks -- may be smoking pot.

From a professional perspective, I feel this is none of my business. From a personal perspective, and as a parent myself, I am agonizing over whether I should bring my suspicions to the attention of his parent. If I were his parent, I would certainly want to know. Then again, my suspicions could be wrong. What is the ethical thing to do? -- UNSURE IN CONCORD, CALIF.

DEAR UNSURE: Your student's welfare IS your business. It's refreshing to know that someone is debating the "ethical" thing to do these days. If media reports are accurate, they lead us to believe that ethics have gone the way of the dinosaur.

Before approaching your student's parent, talk to the boy about your concerns. His problem may be something other than pot. At least give him a chance to explain. However, if your suspicions persist, by all means tell his parent what you have told me. You'll be doing both of them a favor.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mom baby-sits for my 3-year-old, "Jessica," while I am at work. Last night I arrived at Mom's to find that she had again left Jessica sleeping in the back seat of her van, still strapped into her car seat. Jessica had been there for an hour, and although the temperature outside was fairly mild, my little girl was red-faced and sweaty.

Mother says I'm overreacting because the van was parked in the driveway with the door left open. But I know of at least one incident last year when she left Jessica sleeping in the van, got distracted with something in the house, and didn't realize my daughter had awakened and been screaming for some time. For weeks, Jessica talked about being left outside alone.

I have asked Mom numerous times not to leave my child sleeping in the car, but her only response is to roll her eyes, tell me I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and continue to do it.

Maybe if Mom hears from someone other than me that it's not OK to leave a child unattended in a car, even in a driveway, she'll stop doing it. Thanks! -- OVERHEATED MOM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MOM: Do not expect your mother -- who is in denial -- to listen to me. These incidents are recurring because you are allowing it to happen. Your mother has proven repeatedly that she is too easily distracted and too forgetful to responsibly supervise your daughter. Recognize that your daughter is in danger and make other arrangements for her immediately. To paraphrase an old saying: If something happens once, shame on the perpetrator. If it happens twice -- shame on the "victim."

DEAR ABBY: My son works at a place where the employees celebrate birthdays by gathering for cake. One young employee seems bent on learning everyone's age. Although many people are reluctant to state their age, he persists with his questions to the point of embarrassment.

Abby, our son was a victim of downsizing and recently joined the group. His birthday is in early November, and he is dreading their "celebration" because he is over 50 and fears his supervisors will think he's too old for advancement. How should that young man's question be handled? -- MOTHER OF A MIDDLE-AGED SON

DEAR MOTHER: When the impudent question is asked, your son should reply with a smile, "I'm old enough to know better than to tell you." If the questioner persists, your son can put him in his place, and probably gain the appreciation of everyone else who's been put on the spot, by saying: "I'm 29 again, and I'll thank you not to pursue this any further. It's rude."

DEAR ABBY: There's a kid at school named Michael. I want to be friends with him, but I don't know what to do. Like me, he lost his dad. There is only one difference -- Michael can still see his dad. I have to wait until I'm dead to see mine. What should I do? I'd really like to be friends. -- FRIEND-SEEKER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FRIEND-SEEKER: For starters, let him know he's welcome to eat lunch with you and your friends. If teams are chosen for sports, make it known you'd like him to be on yours. If you and your friends plan some activity after school, offer to include him. The surest way I know to make a friend is to be one.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, I met a great guy I'll call Joe. Things have gotten serious and we have discussed living together. A couple of weeks ago, Joe spent the weekend at my place. When I got up to prepare breakfast, I was shocked to see him walk through my front door after retrieving my newspaper -- stark naked.

I live in a wooded area with few neighbors. Joe had to stroll down a long private driveway to the public street to get the paper. Anyone could have seen him. There are little kids in the neighborhood. To top things off, it was chilly outside and raining.

I asked Joe why he went outside naked in the rain, and he tried to shrug it off as no big deal. He replied, "I didn't want to get my clothes wet."

I haven't been able to think about anything else for days. I'm considering breaking up with him over this. Joe seems perfect in every other way. He's handsome, successful and even-tempered. I live in a small town and can't risk my reputation by being in a relationship with the local flasher. He thinks I'm making a big deal out of something innocent. What should I do? -- MORTIFIED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MORTIFIED: First of all, count your blessings. I know a doctor in Minnesota who likes to shave naked in the snow. He says he gets a closer shave that way. Of course, he hasn't caught pneumonia yet or been reported to the police -- and his wife is open-minded.

Because you live in a secluded area, it's possible your friend didn't realize he could be seen by anyone -- young or old. Put him on notice that when he's at your house, he is not to go outside au naturel. If he respects your feelings, he'll abide by your wishes. If he doesn't, Nature Boy is not the man for you -- and could be courting a "close shave" with the law in your community.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. I posted my profile on an Internet site for singles. The site contains a significant amount of personal information. All the information I entered was accurate except for my age. I said I was six years younger than my chronological age.

I did it for two reasons: First, I neither look nor act my age. I take excellent care of my body and my chronological age doesn't reflect who I am. Second, individuals conduct a search based on only two parameters -- the age range desired and geographic location. Thus, many women would never view my profile because I would fall outside the age range considered acceptable.

I had sent and received several e-mails from a delightful young lady. At one point, she asked me whether the age listed in my profile was accurate. I immediately told her the truth and the rationale I had used for listing myself as younger. She immediately informed me that she was no longer interested in communicating with me because I had lied.

Was I wrong to list an age in my profile that wasn't accurate, even though I am more youthful than most people my age? -- LOOKING FOR LOVE, COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR LOOKING: Yes, you were wrong. Although many people of both sexes lie online -- about everything from height, to weight, to income level -- the truth has a way of coming to light in the end. And when it does, the inevitable question that follows is: "What ELSE has this person been lying about?" That's a very poor way to start any meaningful relationship.

It is best not to engage in false advertising -- and if you're going to post a photograph, make it a recent one so there are no disappointments.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)