DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of two. I recently learned that my 16-year-old daughter, "Rene," is pregnant. When she told me who the father is, I discovered she had been having an affair with my live-in boyfriend, "Leo." It was devastating. I am engaged to marry Leo, and I still love him.

I made Rene move out. I know this seems harsh because she is pregnant, but I feel I can have a good relationship with Leo only if Rene is not around. I don't mean to choose him over her, but Rene is my daughter, and she should have known better.

What do you think I should do? I don't want to disown her. Also, I want to raise Rene's baby as my own, and this infuriates her. Who is wrong? Please give me your insight. -- CONFUSED IN CANADA

DEAR CONFUSED: Please reorganize your priorities. Your duty is to protect your children. Leo is an adult. Your daughter is only 16. Leo has far more experience. Your fiance is a predator who may have pursued you in order to get close to your daughter. You say you have two children. Is the other child a daughter too?

It's time to show your fiance the door and call the police. Rene should stay with you until she's able to complete her education and care for herself and her baby. And Leo should help to financially support the child until it is an adult.

DEAR ABBY: My husband talks constantly. He can't sit through a movie or watch a television show without piping up. He has "loads of information" on every subject.

If we are out in public and someone speaks, my husband goes into high gear. When we go to his office -- he is a truck driver -- the office personnel scatter. They dread to see him coming.

I can't speak to him in confidence about personal things, or finances, and trust that he won't repeat everything he knows. I don't know how to stop him. He seems oblivious. It has become an embarrassment to be out with him. I find myself trying to avoid him at home.

Please help me. I love my husband. -- REALLY DOWN IN T-TOWN

DEAR REALLY DOWN: Your husband may be a compulsive talker. He could be trying to compensate for insecurity or have an emotional problem. Since you can't get through, your next step is to get him professional help. It's sad that someone who probably only wants to be liked and accepted is driving those around him away, and it may take counseling for your husband to recognize what he's doing.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is getting on my nerves. She tells me what to do, and if I disagree, she always says: "I win, you lose. I'm big, you're little. I'm right, you're wrong -- and there's nothing you can do about it."

I want to tell her that this is really frustrating me and I want her to stop, but I don't know how. -- UPSET FRIEND IN IOWA

DEAR UPSET: It appears you have made friends with the neighborhood bully. The next time she goes into her song and dance, say: "Excuse me! You may be big, but I'm small and mighty. You're NOT right, and there's plenty I can do about it. I can stop being your friend unless you learn how to compromise." And if she doesn't change her ways, do exactly that -- because the person you have described doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

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DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Cindy," is 20. She's very attractive, with a great sense of humor. Because of those attributes alone, she could have any terrific young man she wants. However, Cindy has instead made up her mind to "wait for her man" -- who will be spending the next five years in federal prison for selling drugs. They became engaged just before he went in.

Cindy went into the Navy and graduated. She is being deployed to Iraq next month. Before she leaves, she will visit her fiance in prison.

I love my daughter, but this has come between us. Our relationship isn't the same as it used to be, and I am afraid that I have lost her. I have exhausted every means to stop Cindy from continuing this relationship. Have you any suggestions I might have overlooked? -- FIGHTING FOR MY DAUGHTER IN NEBRASKA

DEAR FIGHTING: Yes. Stop fighting. It will only drive your daughter further away. She is going into a war zone, and that kind of experience makes people grow up very quickly. When your daughter returns, she will not be the same little girl who went away -- and her priorities and judgments may be very different than they are now. My advice is, Don't blow your cool and say something now you'll regret later. Right now, your daughter needs all the support she can get.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ronald" for three years. He says he loves me. Ron is still married, but swears it's only so he can keep his wife on his health insurance as he'd promised her. However, they talk every day "as friends" and have a daughter and grandchildren in common.

Ron comes here (to another state) to visit me often, but I have never met his daughter or grandchildren, and he feels no urgency to introduce us. Ron has met my entire family.

I feel that he is leading two lives and is happy in both worlds. I, on the other hand, feel rejected and that he's ashamed of me and our relationship. I feel left out, on the outside looking in. Any suggestions? -- NEEDS VALIDATION IN OREGON

DEAR NEEDS: You have analyzed your situation very well. You ARE on the outside looking in. Whether or not your boyfriend and his wife still dwell under the same roof, they are legally married, and he is providing for her nicely. By staying married to his wife, he has assured that if anything happens to him she will be provided for. Since you have asked for a suggestion, I suggest you take your cues from what Ronald does rather than what he says, and find yourself a boyfriend who is eligible.

DEAR ABBY: I recently read an article about a medical center in Maine that has redesigned its standard hospital gowns to provide extra coverage for patients. (The standard gown, open at the back, violates some people's religious customs and everyone's modesty.)

I am disturbed that modest hospital gowns have not been considered a priority before now. A patient's dignity should be protected regardless of gender or religious beliefs. Your thoughts, please. -- OFFENDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OFFENDED: I don't see it in terms of religious beliefs or gender. Extra coverage should be available upon request to anyone who feels overexposed, because many people do. That should be reason enough.

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DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice 95 percent of the time. However, I disagree with your comments to "Heartsick in N.Y.," the widow who said a young woman had shown up on her doorstep claiming to be her deceased husband's illegitimate daughter.

That young woman didn't ask to be born from an affair. Although I'm sure the widow is heartsick, there is no way to easily break that kind of news to anyone. It is a sad situation, but neither side is at fault. If "Heartsick" is unsure about paternity, a simple DNA test can be done to prove the truth. -- CHERYL IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR CHERYL: That's true. And that is why I advised "Heartsick" to contact her lawyer right away. However, my gut told me that something might be amiss. And here's why. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Heartsick's" letter had "con artist" written all over it. Please inform her that there are people who check the obituaries every day for the names of people who die. They get all the personal information and show up when the survivors are not thinking clearly.

Pictures can be doctored, and the information about the husband being in the sports field, I'm sure, was public knowledge. It's a simple matter, with today's technology, to scan pictures and digitally alter them, even to the point of merging them with other pictures.

If the husband was clever enough to have kept his affair and the child hidden for 20 years, and he wanted to help the girl with college tuition, don't you think he'd have devised a way to provide for her financial security? And if that girl was really his daughter, don't you think she'd have been more sensitive than to have approached his widow at a time like that? -- BEEN CONNED IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR CONNED: I agree with you. There are better ways to approach someone than to tell the person the last 20 years of her marriage was a lie. And one of them is through an intermediary. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My 37-year-old husband was killed by a drunk driver. His picture appeared in the newspaper. My husband was a very handsome man who had been successful in sales.

When I returned from his funeral, I found, mixed in with the condolence notes, a letter from a woman claiming that my husband was the father of her child. She said she was willing to leave town and not embarrass us, but needed money to do so. I did not contact a lawyer -- I called the police. They contacted the FBI and the woman was caught.

It was a scam that she had used successfully before. I recommend that "Heartsick" call the police, and certainly demand a DNA test, before giving the woman anything. -- SYMPATHETIC IN HAWAII

DEAR SYMPATHETIC: You're a quick thinker. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Heartsick" was right on the money. Here's how I handled the same situation after being contacted by an "adult daughter" asking me to "share something to help her remember her dad." I told her I'd be glad to. I photocopied the funeral bill and sent it to her immediately, with a request she pay her portion in cash.

I know it may sound crass, but I never heard from her again. -- NOBODY'S FOOL, BROOKSVILLE, FLA.

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