DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column on signs of a cheating spouse. Allow me to offer a word of caution. The "guilty" husband or wife could very well be innocent.

A year and a half ago, I began working out at a nearby gym during my lunch hour. My wife, "Connie," and I were both overweight when I started my exercise program. I ended up losing 55 pounds.

During this time, Connie was still gaining. When she'd complain about her weight, I tried to be supportive and reassure her that she was still attractive to me, but said that I was worried about her health. Connie knew I had the same concerns about my own health, and that's why I was trying to get into shape. Once I started, I discovered I enjoyed my exercise routine, including the hour a day I had to myself. (I work a 40-hour week, and spend every other available moment with my wife and three young sons.)

After my weight came down, I needed new clothes and rewarded myself with a new wardrobe. Around the same time, I shaved off my beard and began sporting a new, shorter haircut that made me look years younger. I felt like a new man.

Connie became convinced I was having an affair and went out and had an affair of her own. Suddenly, my wife wanted to go "work out" or "go shopping" two or three evenings a week. I eagerly volunteered to watch our boys so Connie could enjoy the time to herself. Little did I know she was driving an hour out of state to have sex with a guy she met on the Internet. I was devastated when I found out. Connie told me she thought the reason I had been so accommodating was because I was cheating, so she was fighting fire with fire.

We are now in the process of divorce, and Connie is in therapy. The guy she was seeing is married with four children -- so now, two marriages are messed up. Please share my story with your readers, Abby. It CAN happen. -- LOST WEIGHT AND A WIFE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR LOST: How sad. As your experience proves, people who fight fire with fire usually wind up with ashes. Your wife's self-esteem was so low, she assumed you had found someone more attractive. How much sorrow could have been avoided had she discussed her fears with you.

DEAR ABBY: I am in the California National Guard. Last year I was activated and sent to Iraq. My wife has not written to me since last November. It takes me up to three weeks to get her on the phone because she wants to run around with her friends.

All I know is that I am married, and she's acting as if I don't count, only her friends do. How can I make her understand how much she is hurting me by ignoring me while I'm over here fighting? -- HEARTBROKEN SOLDIER IN IRAQ

DEAR HEARTBROKEN SOLDIER: If the woman you married is of normal intelligence, I'm sure she already knows it. It appears you have married someone who is either extremely immature or without priorities or conscience. Spouses promise to support each other in good times and in bad -- and as a military wife, her first objective should be to reassure her husband whose life is on the line every day he's away.

OperationDearAbby.net has now received more than 17 million messages of support for members of the military stationed worldwide. If you haven't already done so, please check it out. Although the one message you would most like to read isn't on it, I'm sure it will comfort you to know how many patriotic Americans have you in their hearts, and pray for your safe return.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: "Never lose hope in your dreams. For without dreams, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly." (Langston Hughes) -- Submitted by Arthur H. Prince, Memphis

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve I haven't seen addressed in your column before. I use my debit card often at the grocery store. Many times when I'm entering my PIN number into the machine, I realize the person in line behind me is hovering close enough to read it.

Is there any way I can politely ask someone to step back? Or better yet, will you please make people aware that they should give the person ahead of them some privacy? Last week, I asked a man who was looking over my shoulder to please move away. He didn't move, and acted like he didn't understand what I was asking. Please help. -- NERVOUS IN SUNNYVALE, CALIF.

DEAR NERVOUS: In these days of identity theft, many people are nervous (and rightly so) about having their personal information stolen. Perhaps the individual hovering behind you did not understand English. However, had I been in your situation, I would have repeated my request in a louder tone. If he or she still didn't move, I would not have proceeded with my purchase until a security guard or the store manager had been summoned.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and go to a good school. I have a great relationship with my parents, but my sister is another story. She is 13, and sometimes she makes me so mad that I hit her or shove her against the wall. I know it's wrong, but I can't help myself.

For example, today I couldn't find my key in my backpack. I remembered that my sister had it last. I told her to go and get the hidden key, but we fought about who should get it. She made me so mad I shoved her against the wall. Then I discovered that she'd had the key in her backpack all along, and I got really angry and scared her half to death.

She tattled and now I'm grounded. I know what I did was wrong, but how can I stop myself from hitting or shoving her in the heat of the moment? -- ABUSIVE SISTER

DEAR SISTER: One way to control an explosive temper is to walk away before you "blow." Take a 10- or 15-minute jog around the block until you get a grip. And while you're at it, meditate on the fact that your sister wasn't put on this Earth to get your goat. One day your parents will be gone and she may be the only family you have. Learn to forgive her for her imperfections because when it comes right down to it, none of us is perfect.

DEAR ABBY: I was the victim of a violent crime. The attacker was caught and sent to prison. I am returning to work after being absent since the attack, and I do not wish to discuss what happened with my co-workers.

What is a good response when I'm asked, "Were you raped?" Thanks for the help. -- SURVIVOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SURVIVOR: Say to the person, "If it were any of your business, you would already know the answer to that question." And then change the subject. There is no end to rude and nosy questions people will ask if you don't stop them in their tracks.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old, unattractive guy who is in love with my best female friend. "Chrissy" is 25 and a single mother. I have always adored her. We met in high school in 1996.

In 2002, Chrissy ran into an old high school boyfriend who was addicted to drugs and has psychological problems. She fell back in love with him, and soon they were dating. He was insecure about her having friends, especially someone of the opposite sex, so he gave her an ultimatum -- him or me. She chose him. A year later they had a baby. When Chrissy finally got it through her head that he was never going to change or give up drugs, she broke up with him.

Being the good guy -- or fool -- that I am, I became close with her again. Over time, I have gotten to know her son and have treated him like he was my own. I do anything and everything for them. I would like to have a real relationship with Chrissy. It makes me sad that she'd rather go out with guys who don't really care for her (she admits it herself) than see how much I love her. I want so much to be with her, but I know she doesn't see me in that light.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to say something because if I do, she'll pull back and probably stop seeing me altogether. My friends say I should speak up or stop seeing her, but I can't. To quote a song, "I'd rather live in her world, than live without her in mine."

I pray every night for God to grant me this one prayer. What can I do to make this work? -- DESPERATELY SEEKING "CHRISSY"

DEAR DESPERATE: You've done enough already. Your belief that you are unattractive may be part of your problem. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and Chrissy may be just plain masochistic about men. If Chrissy is unable to recognize the value of what you have to offer, it would be healthier for you to distance yourself and find a woman who's a better judge of men.

I agree with your friends that it's time to lay your cards on the table. You deserve to have a loving relationship. Love is at its best when it's mutual. When it's not, it's torture. So stop torturing yourself and allowing yourself to be taken for granted. Remember: Some of God's greatest blessings are unanswered prayers.

DEAR ABBY: We are a group of women who get together to play poker a couple of evenings a week. We are all well-educated and comfortably retired. Two of us have very slight regional accents.

In our group is a woman I'll call "Winifred," who is funny, accommodating and good-hearted. However, Winifred has appointed herself our English teacher without our permission. She delights in correcting us for what she considers mispronounced words. We are proud of our accents and have never asked to be corrected. We find it not only rude, but embarrassing. How can we discourage Winnie without breaking up the group? -- ACES HIGH IN THE EAST

DEAR ACES HIGH: The next time Winnie corrects you, smile and say, "We've done all right with these accents so far. It's part of what makes us unique. So please stop trying to make us sound like everyone else. We're happy as we are." If she takes offense and folds, deal her out. The alternative is tolerating more of her rudeness.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)