DEAR ABBY: Last week I kicked my husband out of the house. "Joel" and I have been married four years and have a 3-year-old son.
Two years ago, Joel took up with "Connie," a 20-year-old single co-worker. He insisted they were just friends. When I found love letters from Connie in his wallet, Joel swore the letters were not from her. (Oh, come on!)
Things got messy when I started checking my husband's cell phone bill and discovered he was calling Connie several times a day. Upon checking further, I learned that some of his co-workers also thought something was up.
When Joel learned I'd been asking questions, he became very angry. Then Connie started calling him at the house at all hours. Once, around midnight, she got into a tangle with some guy and instead of calling police, she called Joel -- who rushed right over.
Since then I have caught Joel in more lies about where he was going. I have also caught my husband and his "friend" parked in empty parking lots and dead-end streets.
He says he doesn't want a divorce, but every time we talk, we end up fighting because he tries to twist the facts around to make me look like a fishwife.
Should I wait it out to see if Joel will come home to his son and me? Or should I cut him off, divorce him, and pray that God will send me a man who will give me the respect and love I deserve? -- SPURNED WIFE IN TEXAS
DEAR SPURNED: Your husband appears to be a remorseless manipulator. Even if you reconcile, what kind of example would he be for your son as he grows older? And could you ever trust him again?
You have asked me to make a decision for you that only you should make. Counseling can help you to determine what you want and need to do. Some marriages can be saved, but only if both parties are willing to work at it, and your husband appears to be unwilling or unable to end his affair.