DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl with a lot of questions about sex and growing up. I can't ask my mom because every time I bring up the subject, she accuses me of having sex. There isn't another adult I would consider talking to about this.

Abby, I am not having sex -- I am just curious. Is it wrong to be curious? Please help me. -- BLINDSIDED IN BRONXVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR BLINDSIDED: It is normal to be curious. Your mother should thank her lucky stars that you are coming to her for information. Many young people turn to their friends for answers, which often turn out to be wrong.

Please clip this item. Give it to your mother and tell her you wrote it. You are not a little girl anymore, and you should already have been armed with accurate information.

The Sexuality Information and Education Council has a wealth of information resources and tools for parents in addressing this important subject. Its Web site, www.familiesaretalking.org, helps families talk about sexuality-related issues and provides information and resources for young people, parents and caregivers.

If your mother continues to accuse you of being sexually active or puts you off, go to the library and ask the librarian for books on the subject. Other reliable Web resources include Planned Parenthood's Teenwire, www.teenwire.com; and the American Social Health Association, www.iwannaknow.org, which is a safe place for teens to learn about sexual health.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started dating a man I'll call Freddy. We met through an online dating service. We live in the same city and have had several dates, including a sleep-over. I am completely taken with him.

My problem is that Freddy continues to keep his profile on the dating site and visits it frequently. He says he goes there only if someone contacts him. I told him it makes me feel insecure; he said until he feels "safe" (previous women have left him for other men), he's going to continue to go to the site.

Am I wrong to feel insecure about this, or do lots of people leave their profiles active while dating someone? -- SUSPICIOUS IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Many people do -- at least for a while. And if I were you, I'd remember that several dates and a sleep-over are not a committed or exclusive relationship. Although you may be "completely" taken with Freddy, he may prefer to test-drive several models before buying a car -- or anything else. Slow down.

DEAR ABBY: In a few weeks I will be attending my boyfriend "Don's" daughter's wedding. Several years ago, Don cheated on me with a woman I'll call Mona. It was only a short fling, and since then we have worked hard to repair our relationship. My problem is, Mona will be attending the wedding, too.

Should I go and hold my head high -- or not attend? I know it will be hard seeing her and not acting in a negative way. Mona has never stopped trying to interfere with our lives, and I have had a lot to swallow. What would you do? -- NEEDS SOME INPUT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEEDS: I'd ask Don how he plans to handle it if Mona tries to attach herself to him, and agree upon some ground rules. Then I'd attend the wedding, be gracious to everyone, and revel in the fact that I was Don's girlfriend while Mona is the "loser" in more ways than one.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Two weeks ago, my husband let it slip that he wants a divorce. Since we were married, his personality has changed completely. He is not the man I married.

I would like to pass along some tips for anyone considering marriage, and share some of the bright-red flags I chose to ignore.

-- If your parents or siblings have doubts about him, pay attention. Listen and check it out.

-- If your intended has nothing good to say about his ex, beware. This is a pattern. Divorce is rarely only one person's fault.

-- If his children have nothing to do with him, do not believe him if he says his ex brainwashed them against him. My stepchildren have told me it was because they hated him, and they have good reasons.

-- Look closely at his credit and job history. They are sure predictors of what your life will be like.

-- If he's over 30 and has no money, do not let him move in with you, and don't marry him until he's financially solvent. If he has any respect for you (and himself), he'll insist on it.

-- Be sure in your heart that you can live with him AS IS. You cannot change another person.

-- This is a biggie: Beware if he has no friends. It is not true that they all chose to side with his ex.

-- If your friends dislike him, pay attention. This is also true if he hates your friends.

-- If he has more than one DUI and still drinks, run!

-- If he is one personality at work or with others, and another person alone with you, run.

-- If he has nothing to do with his parents, investigate why. Don't take his word for it.

-- If he's an expert at everything and brags a lot, understand that he will turn off a lot of people, eventually maybe even you.

-- If he has sexual problems, go with him to a doctor before you marry him. Believe me, his problem will become your problem.

-- If he is emotionally or verbally abusive, it will only get worse. Yelling, name-calling and glowering are classic signs of an abuser.

-- If he is never wrong and never apologizes, everything will be "your fault" forever. And after years of hearing it, you may even start to accept the blame.

-- If he does something wrong and says, "That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't ( )," that's another sign of an abuser.

-- And if he's mean to children, pets or animals, recognize that he's pathological, and the next victim could be you.

I am now 100 percent disabled and in danger of losing everything. I was taken in by someone who came to regard me as a disposable item. I only hope my letter will save someone else from the heartbreak I'm experiencing. -- EYES WIDE OPEN IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR EYES WIDE OPEN: Your letter is brimming with well-thought-out advice, and I hope my readers will heed it. Now I have some advice for you: Start asking around for the name of the best divorce lawyer you can find, and be prepared for a fight. I wish you luck.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and a new bride, and very much in love with my husband, "Dennis." We have a beautiful son together and another on the way.

Dennis never likes to stay home. He works until midnight, so he comes home from work and goes straight to sleep. When he wakes up, he calls my best girlfriend and has her come pick him up. Then he is usually out with her until he has to go back to work.

I know Dennis is staying faithful to me, but he never spends any time with me or our son. We live with his mother right now, and I'm always stuck with her. We really don't get along that well.

When I get mad about Dennis leaving, she tells me to "let him run, he's still young." She then proceeds to tell me that if I get angry about it, I'll lose him.

I have tried talking to my friend about this, but she tells me I should stop freaking out. I have no idea what to do now. His mother sticks up for Dennis and babies him. She tells me "everyone" thinks I'm getting angry for no reason. Do you agree? -- UNSURE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNSURE: No, I don't. Nor do I agree with Dennis' mother that your husband should spend all his free time with your "best friend" because he's "still young" and needs to run. His running days were supposed to be over the day he said "I do."

As it stands, your husband is acting like he's single. Putting the best face on it, regardless of whether there is a sexual affair going on between your girlfriend (some friend!) and your husband, there appears to be an emotional one. His first responsibility should be to you and the babies. You could both benefit from marriage counseling. If he won't agree to it, you must assure that your children are supported -- and that may involve talking to a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a certified operating-room nurse. Our surgeons have recently seen patients in their teens and 20s needing open heart surgery to replace a diseased valve.

Please warn your readers that tongue studs can lead to endocarditis, requiring surgery to replace damaged heart valves, as well as other health problems. Not only do these otherwise healthy young people have to endure this major surgery, but they also face having to take blood thinners for the rest of their lives or having their prosthetic valve replaced every 15 to 20 years.

We will see this documented in medical journals in a few years as the incidence rises, but we can save lives and prevent illness NOW by urging people to remove their tongue jewelry and let their tongues heal. The hole in the tongue provides a pathway for natural organisms in the mouth to find their way to the heart and the rest of the body with devastating results. Wearing tongue jewelry can endanger their health, their future, their very lives. -- KAREN MURPHY, R.N., MORTON PLANT HOSPITAL, FLA.

DEAR KAREN: Your letter raised eyebrows in my office, including my own, so I called the American Heart Association for more information. They referred me to Gerald Pohost, M.D., at the University of Southern California, who kindly shared the following with me: He agrees that for certain individuals, people with a medical history of rheumatic fever or rheumatic valve disease -- or ANY heart valve disease -- tongue jewelry could, indeed, be dangerous.

I hope my readers will pay attention to these two concerned health-care professionals. At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, it's better to be safe than sorry.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)