DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and a new bride, and very much in love with my husband, "Dennis." We have a beautiful son together and another on the way.

Dennis never likes to stay home. He works until midnight, so he comes home from work and goes straight to sleep. When he wakes up, he calls my best girlfriend and has her come pick him up. Then he is usually out with her until he has to go back to work.

I know Dennis is staying faithful to me, but he never spends any time with me or our son. We live with his mother right now, and I'm always stuck with her. We really don't get along that well.

When I get mad about Dennis leaving, she tells me to "let him run, he's still young." She then proceeds to tell me that if I get angry about it, I'll lose him.

I have tried talking to my friend about this, but she tells me I should stop freaking out. I have no idea what to do now. His mother sticks up for Dennis and babies him. She tells me "everyone" thinks I'm getting angry for no reason. Do you agree? -- UNSURE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNSURE: No, I don't. Nor do I agree with Dennis' mother that your husband should spend all his free time with your "best friend" because he's "still young" and needs to run. His running days were supposed to be over the day he said "I do."

As it stands, your husband is acting like he's single. Putting the best face on it, regardless of whether there is a sexual affair going on between your girlfriend (some friend!) and your husband, there appears to be an emotional one. His first responsibility should be to you and the babies. You could both benefit from marriage counseling. If he won't agree to it, you must assure that your children are supported -- and that may involve talking to a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I am a certified operating-room nurse. Our surgeons have recently seen patients in their teens and 20s needing open heart surgery to replace a diseased valve.

Please warn your readers that tongue studs can lead to endocarditis, requiring surgery to replace damaged heart valves, as well as other health problems. Not only do these otherwise healthy young people have to endure this major surgery, but they also face having to take blood thinners for the rest of their lives or having their prosthetic valve replaced every 15 to 20 years.

We will see this documented in medical journals in a few years as the incidence rises, but we can save lives and prevent illness NOW by urging people to remove their tongue jewelry and let their tongues heal. The hole in the tongue provides a pathway for natural organisms in the mouth to find their way to the heart and the rest of the body with devastating results. Wearing tongue jewelry can endanger their health, their future, their very lives. -- KAREN MURPHY, R.N., MORTON PLANT HOSPITAL, FLA.

DEAR KAREN: Your letter raised eyebrows in my office, including my own, so I called the American Heart Association for more information. They referred me to Gerald Pohost, M.D., at the University of Southern California, who kindly shared the following with me: He agrees that for certain individuals, people with a medical history of rheumatic fever or rheumatic valve disease -- or ANY heart valve disease -- tongue jewelry could, indeed, be dangerous.

I hope my readers will pay attention to these two concerned health-care professionals. At the risk of sounding like an alarmist, it's better to be safe than sorry.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My letter concerns a letter in your column. It was written by a woman who had suffered a heart attack and was driven to the hospital by her husband.

I have been a paramedic for 18 years. It is important your readers understand that attempting to drive yourself or a loved one to a hospital is a bad idea. The 911 emergency number was put in place to help the sick and injured in a timely manner. Most citizens are not aware of the capabilities of their local emergency medical services agencies.

Today, paramedics bring the emergency room to the patient's home. We are capable of treating chest pain and, in many cases, of diagnosing a heart attack in the patient's living room. This information is relayed directly to the emergency room, where a doctor can assemble a cardiac catheterization team to promptly treat the heart attack when the patient arrives. (Not every hospital can provide cardiac catheterization, so we offer the patient a choice to go directly to a properly equipped facility.) In addition, we administer medications immediately.

The biggest delay in receiving prompt care is delay in calling 911, due to denial. "Time is muscle" is our saying. The more time you waste, the more heart muscle is damaged. The average person driving someone to a hospital cannot treat the person, and also tends to speed and drive in an unsafe manner. Please inform your readers, Abby. -- PAUL TOSCINO, WATERVLIET, N.Y.

DEAR PAUL: Thank you for the valuable reminder that 911 is for life-threatening emergencies, and the expertise of the technicians can mean the difference between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: My 3-year-old daughter was recently invited to a birthday party for two of her classmates (twins). The party is scheduled for a weeknight from 6 to 8:30 p.m. -- the time I have set for bath time, story time and lights out at 8 p.m.

Would I be rude and insensitive if I do not permit my daughter to attend? I don't want to offend the mother, but I don't want to rev my child up with sugary party snacks and activities right before a late bedtime. -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Rude and insensitive? No. Rigid? Yes. I'm willing to bet that the mother of the twins is a working woman, and the party would be earlier if it was possible. I see no harm in bending the rules or flexing your daughter's schedule once in a while. Of course, you will be going with your daughter to the party, so monitoring what she eats should be a cinch. Feeding your daughter a healthy meal before the party should ensure that she won't overdose on sugar. I say, let her go.

DEAR ABBY: When my 12-year-old daughter spends the night somewhere other than home, I don't sleep well. When she goes away to camp for a week, I hardly sleep at all. I am not up all night pacing the floor, worrying about her -- I just can't sleep.

My sister tells me that this is not normal. Am I abnormal for losing sleep when my daughter is away? -- SLEEPLESS NEAR SEATTLE

DEAR SLEEPLESS: No, you are not abnormal. You are a vigilant parent. Many parents cannot sleep unless they know their children are safe in their own beds and under their own roof.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My beloved husband of 32 years, "Loren," passed away last year after a long illness. I took an extensive leave from work to be at his side.

Several weeks ago, after I returned from work, my doorbell rang. On my doorstep was a tall, well-mannered, 19-year-old young woman asking for a "few minutes of my time." (My children are ages 29 and 27.)

This young woman claims she is my husband's daughter, the product of an affair between him and her mother, whom he met at a local sporting event. Loren was very active in sports. He was a former physical education teacher and coach. She produced a photo of herself with Loren and her mother, taken on her fifth birthday -- and another with Loren and her mother, who was visibly pregnant.

I felt as though I'd been kicked in the stomach. She told me Loren had stayed in touch, paid child support in cash, and bought her gifts and clothing. His name, however, is not on her birth certificate. She has asked me for some "keepsakes" from Loren, and said he had promised to help her financially with college tuition.

Please tell me what to do. I haven't told anyone about this, not even my children. I'm too ashamed and shocked. -- HEARTSICK IN N.Y.

DEAR HEARTSICK: The first thing you should do is call your lawyer. For her to have hit you with this news the way she did was brutal. I wouldn't blame you if you made no further communication with her except through your lawyer, and let him (or her) be your guide.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Don," is 13. There is a 13-year age difference between us. Lately, Don has not been himself. He used to talk with me about his problems. Now he won't discuss anything more than the weather or everyday things. He used to be caring and happy. Now he's angry a lot, sometimes to the point that he hits himself in the face.

When I ask Don why he does this, he gets upset and says he doesn't care anymore. Mom and Dad work a lot. I know my little brother is not on drugs. I checked. Is this just part of being a teen? How can I help him? -- BROTHER IN ALABAMA

DEAR BROTHER: When someone becomes angry, the normal impulse is to strike out. For some reason your brother is directing his anger back on himself. Whatever is at the root of his anger and unhappiness, the quickest way to get him the help he needs is to tell your parents what you have observed. Hitting oneself in the face could be a sign of psychological problems that should be treated by a mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend wets the bed every night. Don't tell me to have him see a doctor; he won't. He just says he can't help it. What is your advice? I can't take it anymore. -- CAN'T STAND IT IN N.J.

DEAR CAN'T STAND IT: It's sad that your boyfriend refuses to consult a urologist about his bed-wetting, because there are medications and devices that could solve the problem. He may simply be unaware that there is help for his problem. If he still refuses to see a doctor, there is nothing you or I can do, and because you can no longer tolerate it, it may be time to tell him goodbye.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)