DEAR ABBY: I am 26 and a single mother. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, but they have always been there for me emotionally and financially. For the most part we have always been a close and loving family who could go out and have a great time together.

The last few times that Dad and I have had drinks, we have said hurtful things to each other, and it has escalated to shoving and hitting. When we're sober we are affectionate and loving. We go on vacations and have a great time with the whole family.

Do you have any idea what could be causing this? -- HUNG OVER IN MIDLAND, TEXAS

DEAR HUNG OVER: Yes, I do. It's the alcohol. Since alcohol can cause a change in personality, it is important that you and your dad avoid it.

P.S. Are you aware that alcohol problems can run in families? It is vital that you warn your child about this important fact and set a good example. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is listed in your phone book. Contact them, and they will provide you with literature on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: I'm embarrassed to admit this, but after two years of marriage, I still have not sent out thank-you notes to everyone who attended my wedding and gave us gifts.

Our wedding was during finals week of college, and immediately after that, we left for our honeymoon. One week after our return, we moved across the state and had to set up a home and find employment.

I cringe when I think about how many people have asked my mother if we received their gift and "where are the thank-yous." Is there anything I can do to eliminate this guilt before I'm condemned to live with it forever? -- GUILTY IN NEW YORK

DEAR GUILTY: Yes. Buy a nice box of stationery and a pen, and write gracious notes to everyone who gave you a wedding gift. Say, "I apologize for the long delay in writing to you, but I want you to know how much 'John' and I are enjoying the lovely ( ) you gave us for our wedding, and I want to thank you for your generosity in giving it to us." Believe me, it's better to receive a tardy thank-you note than never to receive one at all.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old man with a problem. I have lived with a woman for about four years whom I think the world of -- but I am not in love with her. I really don't feel that I ever loved her. We moved in together for financial reasons, and one thing led to another. She is my best friend, but I'm lonely.

We do not have a sexual relationship, although we share the same bed. I want to be happy in the autumn years of my life. I don't want to hurt her, but I want to be happy. What should I do? -- NEEDS MORE

DEAR NEEDS MORE: One thing is certain, you will never become romantically involved while you're sharing a home and bed with your ladyfriend. She will probably not be thrilled to hear it, but you must level with her about your feelings. It's time to move on. Set a deadline to be out, and abide by it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in a terrible bind. Some years ago, I made a Halloween costume for a former roommate, "Connie." The costume was a nun's habit and it came out great. When I showed her the costume, I had a cross with it that had belonged to an aunt of my mother's who had been a nun in a religious order. Connie begged to borrow the cross, and I lent it to her against my better judgment. She then moved to California and I lost touch with her.

Now my mother is asking for the cross, and I'm afraid to tell her that I made a family heirloom part of a Halloween costume. What was I thinking! Connie refuses to return it to me, saying that she returned it "years ago."

I have sent her several e-mails. Now she has changed her e-mail address to avoid me. You are my last hope. I know Connie is a devoted reader of your column and so is her mother -- who also wore the costume. I'm praying they will see themselves and save me from the wrath of my mother. -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER, STATEN ISLAND

DEAR DESPERATE: The cross should have been returned to you the day after Halloween. If it was inconvenient for Connie to bring it to you, you should have made it your business to go and collect it. It's a shame that your former friend is lying about having returned the cross. What she's probably afraid to admit is that she or her mother lost it, and now she's hiding. (Some "friend"!)

Very few people recognize themselves when they are written about in this column, so my advice to you is to level with your mother and start praying that she's forgiving. It's time to face the music.

DEAR ABBY: Before I was a stay-at-home mom to my daughter, I had a circle of friends with whom I had a lot in common. None of us had children, and we were all focused on advancing our careers.

I have since moved to a different town and have thrown myself into my daughter's activities and the new community. I am now surrounded by a circle of "mommy" girlfriends. I stay in touch with my old friends via e-mail, and we see each other two or three times a year, but I feel that we have drifted apart.

I would like to phase out these friendships for several reasons: We have nothing in common anymore. The distance makes visiting difficult. And I am tired of hearing them complain about money problems, boyfriend issues, their jobs, etc.

I would rather spend my free time with my husband and daughter. Should I feel guilty for wanting to phase out these friendships? I'd appreciate your feedback. -- DEVOTED MOM IN LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR DEVOTED MOM: For friendships to stay healthy and vital, there must be a commonality of interests. When you were a career woman, you had ties that bound you to these women. Now that your life has changed, it's not surprising that the bonds of camaraderie have loosened.

However, before consigning these relationships to the garbage heap, please consider that, as your daughter grows older, she will no longer be as dependent as she is now. At that point, you might want to resume your career. So, my advice to you is don't burn your bridges -- you may regret it later.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I know you care passionately about individuals taking steps each day to improve the quality of their lives. Please help me spread the word about improving the health of millions of Americans.

Nearly two out of three Americans are overweight/obese and at risk for diabetes, heart disease and other illnesses associated with obesity. Recent studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicate that overweight and obesity may soon surpass tobacco as the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. People need to know that conquering weight gain is more about taking a daily walk around the neighborhood than running a marathon.

Please encourage your readers to see for themselves how small steps can lead to big health benefits. Taking the stairs instead of the escalator, substituting fruit for sweets, and eating only half portions of dessert can add up to giant steps on the path to a healthier life.

Earlier this year, we introduced a program and Web site called Healthy Lifestyles to help individuals and families make healthy choices about their diets and physical activity. The site, www.smallstep.gov, provides hundreds of simple suggested steps to get people started. -- TOMMY G. THOMPSON, SECRETARY, U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

DEAR SECRETARY THOMPSON: You're right, mail on the subject of obesity does cross my desk. I'm pleased to promote your campaign because I want to do my part in helping my readers help themselves to longer, healthier lives.

It's interesting that you mentioned "steps" to better health, because coincidentally, I received the following a few days before your letter came:

DEAR ABBY: When I hit the scale at 250-plus, my blood sugar shot up and I knew it was finally time to take action. I had read an article about walking 10,000 steps a day and decided to try it. It changed my life.

At first I couldn't walk more than 6,000 steps without hurting all over. It was discouraging, but it was my last hope, so I cut back to a more manageable number of steps and increased gradually -- by about 500 steps a week. After three months, I was finally up to 10,000 steps a day.

I lost a pant size in three months, but there were more benefits: My appetite changed. I enjoy salads, vegetables, fresh fruit, lean meat. I began to discern the difference between being full and being satisfied. I stopped craving food between meals.

It has now been a year, and I have lost more than 40 pounds and increased to 11,000 steps a day. My blood sugar and blood pressure have normalized.

Please, Abby, encourage your readers to check out a 10,000-step program. Information is readily available on the Internet -- just type "10,000 steps" into your browser. The only cost is a good pair of walking shoes and a pedometer. -- LEANER AND HEALTHIER IN NEW YORK

DEAR L AND H: Congratulations for your progress and thanks for sharing your secret. When it comes to exercise, sometimes the hardest step to take is that first one.

Now, I have a favor to ask of Secretary Thompson. Please do Americans a favor and issue government guidelines about what "low carb" means. Too many people are bingeing on "low-carb" products in the belief they can eat unlimited amounts and still lose weight. Some of those products contain more carbs in one serving than a dieter should consume in an entire day, and too much fat as well.

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