DEAR ABBY: I am in a terrible bind. Some years ago, I made a Halloween costume for a former roommate, "Connie." The costume was a nun's habit and it came out great. When I showed her the costume, I had a cross with it that had belonged to an aunt of my mother's who had been a nun in a religious order. Connie begged to borrow the cross, and I lent it to her against my better judgment. She then moved to California and I lost touch with her.

Now my mother is asking for the cross, and I'm afraid to tell her that I made a family heirloom part of a Halloween costume. What was I thinking! Connie refuses to return it to me, saying that she returned it "years ago."

I have sent her several e-mails. Now she has changed her e-mail address to avoid me. You are my last hope. I know Connie is a devoted reader of your column and so is her mother -- who also wore the costume. I'm praying they will see themselves and save me from the wrath of my mother. -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER, STATEN ISLAND

DEAR DESPERATE: The cross should have been returned to you the day after Halloween. If it was inconvenient for Connie to bring it to you, you should have made it your business to go and collect it. It's a shame that your former friend is lying about having returned the cross. What she's probably afraid to admit is that she or her mother lost it, and now she's hiding. (Some "friend"!)

Very few people recognize themselves when they are written about in this column, so my advice to you is to level with your mother and start praying that she's forgiving. It's time to face the music.

DEAR ABBY: Before I was a stay-at-home mom to my daughter, I had a circle of friends with whom I had a lot in common. None of us had children, and we were all focused on advancing our careers.

I have since moved to a different town and have thrown myself into my daughter's activities and the new community. I am now surrounded by a circle of "mommy" girlfriends. I stay in touch with my old friends via e-mail, and we see each other two or three times a year, but I feel that we have drifted apart.

I would like to phase out these friendships for several reasons: We have nothing in common anymore. The distance makes visiting difficult. And I am tired of hearing them complain about money problems, boyfriend issues, their jobs, etc.

I would rather spend my free time with my husband and daughter. Should I feel guilty for wanting to phase out these friendships? I'd appreciate your feedback. -- DEVOTED MOM IN LIVERMORE, CALIF.

DEAR DEVOTED MOM: For friendships to stay healthy and vital, there must be a commonality of interests. When you were a career woman, you had ties that bound you to these women. Now that your life has changed, it's not surprising that the bonds of camaraderie have loosened.

However, before consigning these relationships to the garbage heap, please consider that, as your daughter grows older, she will no longer be as dependent as she is now. At that point, you might want to resume your career. So, my advice to you is don't burn your bridges -- you may regret it later.

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DEAR ABBY: I know you care passionately about individuals taking steps each day to improve the quality of their lives. Please help me spread the word about improving the health of millions of Americans.

Nearly two out of three Americans are overweight/obese and at risk for diabetes, heart disease and other illnesses associated with obesity. Recent studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicate that overweight and obesity may soon surpass tobacco as the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. People need to know that conquering weight gain is more about taking a daily walk around the neighborhood than running a marathon.

Please encourage your readers to see for themselves how small steps can lead to big health benefits. Taking the stairs instead of the escalator, substituting fruit for sweets, and eating only half portions of dessert can add up to giant steps on the path to a healthier life.

Earlier this year, we introduced a program and Web site called Healthy Lifestyles to help individuals and families make healthy choices about their diets and physical activity. The site, www.smallstep.gov, provides hundreds of simple suggested steps to get people started. -- TOMMY G. THOMPSON, SECRETARY, U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES

DEAR SECRETARY THOMPSON: You're right, mail on the subject of obesity does cross my desk. I'm pleased to promote your campaign because I want to do my part in helping my readers help themselves to longer, healthier lives.

It's interesting that you mentioned "steps" to better health, because coincidentally, I received the following a few days before your letter came:

DEAR ABBY: When I hit the scale at 250-plus, my blood sugar shot up and I knew it was finally time to take action. I had read an article about walking 10,000 steps a day and decided to try it. It changed my life.

At first I couldn't walk more than 6,000 steps without hurting all over. It was discouraging, but it was my last hope, so I cut back to a more manageable number of steps and increased gradually -- by about 500 steps a week. After three months, I was finally up to 10,000 steps a day.

I lost a pant size in three months, but there were more benefits: My appetite changed. I enjoy salads, vegetables, fresh fruit, lean meat. I began to discern the difference between being full and being satisfied. I stopped craving food between meals.

It has now been a year, and I have lost more than 40 pounds and increased to 11,000 steps a day. My blood sugar and blood pressure have normalized.

Please, Abby, encourage your readers to check out a 10,000-step program. Information is readily available on the Internet -- just type "10,000 steps" into your browser. The only cost is a good pair of walking shoes and a pedometer. -- LEANER AND HEALTHIER IN NEW YORK

DEAR L AND H: Congratulations for your progress and thanks for sharing your secret. When it comes to exercise, sometimes the hardest step to take is that first one.

Now, I have a favor to ask of Secretary Thompson. Please do Americans a favor and issue government guidelines about what "low carb" means. Too many people are bingeing on "low-carb" products in the belief they can eat unlimited amounts and still lose weight. Some of those products contain more carbs in one serving than a dieter should consume in an entire day, and too much fat as well.

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DEAR ABBY: My problem concerns what to do with a group of snapshots and a bundle of about 100 old love letters that I've hidden for more than 50 years. If they are found after my death, my heirs will be shocked.

I have treasured these mementos in my heart since I received the first, before I was shipped overseas in World War II. The letters continued up to December 1947 -- and in '98 and '99 I received three more that were ultra-special. They are the sincerest of love letters from the girl in the photographs.

Family interference separated us, even as we were planning to be married. Of course, life went on. I met my wife and we were married a few years later, but I could never bring myself to destroy the letters or the photographs.

After half a century, I searched and found my first love. Then in 1999 we were able to locate our son, who was born and placed for adoption after we were separated. The three of us have spent some special time together. Even though we acknowledged that our love was and still is true, we agreed not to upset my marriage.

My wife knows all about this, and accepts my strong need to financially help my "other girl" have a comfortable lifestyle. I love my wife. She is and always will come first in my life. Yet those photos and letters are precious to me.

Genealogically, they are vital family memorabilia, and without anyone knowing, I have placed them with five generations of saved items. They represent an important part of my life with my first love. I cannot find the courage to let them go. Have I done wrong? -- IN LOVE WITH TWO EXCEPTIONAL WOMEN

DEAR IN LOVE: Not from my perspective. This is the 21st century -- not the 1940s. Perhaps it's time to let your children know about their half-brother. After all, this happened before you even met your wife.

An alternative would be to put the keepsakes in a safe deposit box and give one of the keys to your lawyer, with instructions to mail them to your love child after your death. I'm sure your son would treasure having evidence of the love through which he was conceived.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, my husband's "Aunt Selma" lent us $2,000 on our first home. We set up a payment plan and paid her faithfully.

A year later, our first child was born with a heart condition. Aunt Selma came to us and demanded that instead of paying her, we put the money toward the enormous hospital bills. We tried to refuse, but she insisted.

There was never any paperwork, just words spoken out of love -- until recently. Now she wants us to pay back the rest of the money. After all this time, I don't feel that's fair. This is causing a lot of stress in our marriage, and I need some guidance. Please help. -- INDIGNANT IN INDIANA

DEAR INDIGNANT: When you ran into financial hardship because of your child, Aunt Selma tried to lessen your burden. Please don't repay her generosity by withholding her money. She may be asking for it because she needs it now. So reinstate the payment plan and give her what she's due -- and I don't mean just the money.

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