DEAR ABBY: "Mr. Eugene" has been my hairdresser for nearly 20 years. We have seen each other through divorces, deaths, recovery from alcoholism (me), and life struggles in general. Mr. Eugene used to be a great hairdresser. The problem began when he installed a little television set at his station. He keeps it on all the time and watches it almost constantly. He watches it while cutting my hair, pausing every so often to pay closer attention to what's on TV.

The quality of my haircuts has started to decline, and along with it, our client/hairdresser relationship. I'm about ready to change hairdressers because I can't find the nerve to reach over and turn the darn thing off or tell him how annoying it is, and how much better a hairdresser he is when he pays full attention to what he's doing.

Please print this so Mr. Eugene will read it and give his clients the attention we deserve. -- SPINELESS IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR SPINELESS: Mr. Eugene is only a hairdresser. He is not a mind reader. Since you haven't voiced an objection to his cutting and styling your hair with one eye on the boob-tube, how can he be expected to know you have a problem with it?

Try this: Rather than criticize him, tell him that you would prefer that he leave the TV set off while working on you, because you miss the quality time you used to spend together. You might be surprised to find that he takes it as a compliment.

DEAR ABBY: I became engaged last Christmas. I have been planning my wedding with the help of my mother and my fiance's mother. I love them both, and they are helping to pay for my big day.

My problem is that every time I disagree with them, they call me "Bridezilla." I don't think I'm too demanding or hard to please. I just have ideas, tastes and expectations that may be different from my two mothers'.

This horrible stereotype is ruining the planning. I become devastated when they refer to me in that way, and end up giving in so I don't seem to be unreasonable.

Please help me. I am ending up with a wedding that isn't what I want. What should I do? -- NOT BRIDEZILLA IN L.A.

DEAR NOT BRIDEZILLA: It is wrong of your mother and your fiance's mother to call you names. However, since they are helping to fund the wedding, you can't blame them for wanting a meaningful voice in the planning. If you feel your dream wedding has been hijacked, then you should politely draw the line and finance it yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am in a live-in relationship with a man I'll call Howard. Last year, I began quietly seeing "Adam." Howard found out about the affair a few months later, but didn't want us to break up.

I decided to stay with Howard even though I am in love with Adam, because I can't support myself on my own. After that, Adam decided it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. I know he's right, but I'd really like to talk to him. Right now, I'm agonizing over whether to call him.

When I ask my family or friends for advice, they say I should move on and get over Adam, because I'm only 21 and have my whole life ahead of me. The truth is, I can't let go so easily. It has been about four months since we last spoke. Should I call Adam, and if I do, what should I say? -- CLUELESS IN VEGAS

DEAR CLUELESS: Listen to your family and friends; they have your best interests at heart. In the meantime, I strongly recommend that you take a breather before going another round with anyone. Do not call Adam until you have left Howard and become self-supporting. That way, he will know you are not after him for a meal ticket, too.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Living Like a Hermit in California" complained about her husband's unusual collecting behavior. "He owns 24 cars," she wrote. "None of them run; they just sit and rot. He buys old airplanes although he doesn't know how to fly and they, too, sit rusting away. He also collects cardboard boxes and anything in bulk." You suggested she contact a lawyer and get her husband a psychiatric evaluation.

His hoarding sounds like obsessive-compulsive disorder to me. I have depression and, during my worst times, I have voraciously collected metal washers. I found it soothing to have something to concentrate on besides my problems. The quality of my collection was a substitute for real accomplishment.

The fact that "Living's" husband is also withdrawn leads me to suspect that he has depression, OCD or a similar psychiatric problem. I got help for mine, and I feel much better. Her husband might never be normal, but a good place to start would be sympathy, patience and a caring doctor. -- OHIO HOARDER

DEAR OHIO: I advised "Living Like a Hermit in California" to consult a lawyer because she said her husband had moved them out of a house into a trailer and had spent all their assets on his "hobby." I agree that he may be mentally ill. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Living Like a Hermit" had a familiar ring. My neighbor exhibited similar behavior and was diagnosed with manic depression. When she was up, she collected; when she was down she withdrew from the world. Roger may be more than "eccentric"; he may suffer from a mental illness. -- BEEN THERE IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR BEEN THERE: That may be true, but I am not qualified to diagnose him.

DEAR ABBY: Tell that woman to get off her duff, learn more about her husband's collection and then get on eBay! There are people rebuilding old cars who have to order custom parts when none are available. And in California, the movie business is always looking for props.

One studio rented my former father-in-law's car while shooting a movie about the Kennedy assassination in Dallas. They asked for permission to paint the car black. He said, "Sure, as long as you paint it white again before you return it." And they did! -- NANCY IN HOUSTON

DEAR NANCY: I love your idea about turning her husband's "compulsion" into an income stream. They could use the money.

DEAR ABBY: "Living's" husband appears to have OCD. One of the manifestations of OCD can be saving things for the sake of saving them. And the tendency to avoid talking may possibly be a symptom of an autism spectrum disorder. These two disorders can coexist. I should know, as they run in our family.

There are therapies and medications that can help him. Please urge "Living" to educate herself about these disorders and try to get her husband evaluated. -- NANETTE IN HAWTHORNE, N.J.

DEAR NANETTE: Thank you for suggesting it. An excellent place to start would be NAMI, the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, a grassroots, self-help organization that focuses on education, advocacy, research and support for people with mental illness and their families. Its Web site is: www.nami.org.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Lindsey" and I are co-workers. We have known each other nearly 10 years. We slept together on a recent business trip and I agreed to keep it between us. I didn't keep my promise and it got back to Lindsey.

She is terribly hurt, and sadly, I can't undo the wrong I've done. As a result, I have lost a friend and will always regret what I did.

Lindsey told me she had denied that anything happened between us to the person who approached her. She asked me to do the same and say that it was all a joke -- that I had made up the story about our being together.

I know I betrayed her trust after I promised her I wouldn't speak to anyone about it. I feel she's justified in her anger toward me and is right to have ended our friendship. But I don't think it's a good idea for me to compound the situation with a lie. I don't see how it would make things better. Should I grant her this favor? -- MR. BIG MOUTH IN BROOKLYN

DEAR MR. BIG: Yes, you should grant her this favor. There's an old saying: A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Considering the damage you have done to your friend's reputation by crowing, a little white lie is not too much to ask.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter is being married. Her mother is my ex-wife. My daughter wants me and my new wife to attend the wedding. Her mother says she will not attend if my wife is there. I should point out that my wife and I will be helping out financially. Her mother will be helping out only minimally.

Is it appropriate for my new wife to attend with me? Is my former wife out of line in threatening to ruin the wedding by not showing up? -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE IN ARIZONA

DEAR FATHER: If your current wife was the reason for your divorce, then your former wife's feelings are understandable. However, since your daughter has stated that she would like your new wife to attend, it is appropriate that she be there. One way you could solve this problem would be for you and your former wife to be seated as far apart as possible on this special day. I hope she will consider this compromise.

DEAR ABBY: I hired a cleaning lady who came well-recommended. At first I was pleased, as she did what needed to be done.

Now I have discovered that some nice pieces of jewelry are missing. She is the only person, other than my husband of 54 years, who has been in the upstairs of our home. I have no proof that she took these items of jewelry.

Should I talk to her about this, or should I just tell her I no longer need her? How should I handle this? -- MRS. B. IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR MRS. B.: By all means talk to your housekeeper. Explain that you can't find the missing jewelry. (Speaking from personal experience, I have put an object down while my mind was on something else -- particularly reading glasses, which often seem to mysteriously migrate.) Ask her if she can help you locate the missing pieces of jewelry. If they don't turn up, it's time to call the police and file a report.

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