DEAR ABBY: If a gentleman asks a lady to accompany him to a casino and gives her money to gamble, is it proper for him to insist that she split her winnings with him? This happened to me recently.

Even before the $1,000 credits were finished rolling, my date called out that it was a 50/50 split. Most of my friends felt it was highly inappropriate, and that I should have been entitled to my entire jackpot.

I would have preferred being given the chance to make up my own mind about whether I wished to share my winnings. My friends also pointed out that this man makes four times the money I do and should have been more generous.

Do you think my friends were right? At first I was just a little bit irritated. Now I feel taken advantage of. -- SHORTCHANGED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SHORTCHANGED: Considering the fact that your date advanced the money that brought your windfall, I'd say you are 100 percent ahead of where you would be had he not been so generous. You may feel offended at his sense of entitlement, but a lady would have offered to share.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old woman who has never been married. My boyfriend, "Mickey," recently proposed and I accepted. We're planning a small wedding in about four months. It's a first marriage for both of us.

I have two small dogs whom I adore. Their names are Melody and Harmony. Mickey insists that I get rid of one of them and that I am immature for wanting to keep both.

I explained that Melody and Harmony were around before he was, and I can't give up either one. He knew about them before we began dating.

They are not outdoor pets. I keep them very clean and do not see what the problem is. Melody and Harmony both have been through basic dog training and are well-behaved.

I am disturbed that, knowing how much I care for them, he would ask such a thing. We seem unable to reach an agreement about this. I love Mickey dearly and know he loves me, too. How can we resolve this? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PEORIA, ARIZ.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: What your fiance is suggesting is a very poor start for a marriage. If you cave in to these demands, you will never forgive yourself -- and it will only be the beginning of what he will want you to sacrifice. My advice to you is to postpone the wedding until your fiance can find enough love in his heart for the three of you, because you are a package deal.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell people that when shaking hands, not to "squeeze" a person's hand hard. I have arthritis in my hands and it hurts so bad when some people shake my hand. Just a gentle shake is sufficient. Please print this. -- SORE HAND IN PILGRIM, KY.

DEAR SORE: A person can shake your hand only if you extend it. The next time you're in a social situation and someone extends his or her hand -- smile, reach out and touch the person on the upper arm and say, "I'd shake your hand, but I can't because I have arthritis."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "The Girlfriend," who is having problems because of nasty comments from her boyfriend's mother.

I know all too well the damage that can result from such a situation. For 15 years, I endured potshots from the mother-in-law from hell. She ended up talking to my now 16-year-old daughter (her granddaughter) the same way she had talked to me. After 13 years of staying on the sidelines, my husband finally told her to lay off. Of course, by then our marriage was almost over. Ironically, our divorce was finalized on my former mother-in-law's birthday -- a fact from which I'm sure she got great pleasure.

My advice to "Girlfriend" is to check her boyfriend carefully for apron strings before tying the knot with him. If he's afraid to speak in her defense, perhaps he is no more ready for marriage than his mother wishes him to be. -- WISER NOW IN WICHITA

DEAR WISER NOW: Thank you for sharing your own experience, and for pointing out that if verbal abuse is tolerated, the acid can spill over and damage innocent bystanders. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My advice to "The Girlfriend" is to deal with those cutting remarks from her boyfriend's mother by herself.

When the mother criticizes her manner of dress, she should say something like, "Oh! You've hurt my feelings. I would never think of criticizing how YOU dress," and then change the subject. Under no circumstances should she allow herself to be drawn into an argument. If the mother criticizes her cooking, she should say, "I tried so hard to please you. I'm sorry you don't like it. The next time we have dinner with you, we'll come to your house and you can cook or take us out." Do not cry, become hysterical or critical of her. You'll be surprised what you can accomplish if you refuse to be baited or put on the defensive.

One last thing: Explain to your future husband how you will handle his mother after you are married. You will not give her a house key, you'll expect her to call before she comes over, you will control how often you see her and when she will see the grandchildren, and you will not tolerate any marital interference. -- QUEEN OF MY OWN HOUSEHOLD, COSTA MESA, CALIF.

DEAR QUEEN: Something tells me your mother-in-law had a rude awakening when she found out who rules your roost.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "The Girlfriend" was right on the money. I hope she commands the respect she deserves, and walks away if "Roy" doesn't make it plain that she must be treated with respect.

If her boyfriend won't stand up for her now, believe me, he never will. She can save herself years of grief if she wakes up to the fact that there are real men out there who are willing to love and respect a woman and treat her as an equal partner. I found one, and so will she. -- STANDING TALL, STRATFORD, CONN.

DEAR STANDING TALL: What you said is true. A healthy marriage is a partnership, in every sense of the word.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and my boyfriend, "Johnny," is 17. He will be going on a religious mission in two years. Johnny has proposed to me and wants us to be married in his church. For that to happen, we would both have to be his religion. My problem is, I don't know if his religion is right for me.

I love Johnny with all my heart, but we have very different outlooks on life, religion and raising a family. I respect him and his beliefs, but I am a very independent person and I don't think it's fair that I have to change everything about myself. I'm losing sleep over this.

I think that Johnny respects that I want to live life to the fullest, but he thinks his beliefs are more "right" than mine. He is also mad that my parents didn't raise me to be particularly religious -- although I have been baptized.

I don't want to hurt Johnny, but I don't think I could live the way he wants me to for the rest of my life. I want to go to college, get a good job and have a career before I start a family. If I marry Johnny, I'll be expected to stay home, be a homemaker and take care of the children.

Please, Abby, any advice you could offer would be appreciated. -- MADE FOR BETTER THINGS IN IDAHO

DEAR MADE: You appear to be a sensible young woman. Your concerns about your future are legitimate. The debate you are having with yourself is healthy and intelligent. Do not allow yourself to be stampeded into making a commitment. You and Johnny may love each other, but your value systems are polar opposites. Johnny should go on his mission and you should complete your education. After that, you will both be in a better position to judge whether you are meant to marry.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and her fifth husband, "Lester," have been planning their funeral arrangements, discussing burial vs. cremation, etc. Mom wants to be cremated. At first Lester said that was what he wanted, too. Then he changed his mind.

Lester was previously married for 42 years to a wonderful woman, "Agnes." He nursed her through her long last illness. Now he says he wants to be buried next to her.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with this. As far as I'm concerned, when people die they are gone. But Mom is making a huge deal out of it. She says that Lester will probably die first, and she doesn't think she should have to visit him if he's lying next to Agnes.

I feel that Mom is ruining the present over an uncertain future. Do you think she's justified? Or is she making yet another relationship mistake? -- DAUGHTER OF RELATIONSHIP DUNCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAUGHTER: If Lester and Agnes had children during their 42-year marriage, it's possible that the children would prefer their parents rest near each other. It's also within the realm of possibility that your mother could predecease Lester.

If your mother is smart, she'll refrain from turning her husband's remains into 206 bones of contention and concentrate on making this marriage as happy and stress-free as she can -- for both their sakes. When it's Lester's time to go, he should be free to rest in peace wherever he wishes.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)