DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of three -- ages 10, 9 and 6. My parents are both gone, so I can't ask them about a problem I am having with "Ashley," my 6-year-old. Since she learned to walk at about 10 months, Ashley has eaten just about anything she could get her hands on.

She prefers things like hairspray, makeup, cleaners, soaps, baby oil -- and has even tried bleach. I am scared that my child is going to do permanent damage to herself or even die. I watch her like a hawk; however, last night we were at a Daisy Girl Scout meeting, and Ashley went to the restroom and was caught spraying air freshener into her mouth.

I have called her pediatrician and left messages, but he has not returned my calls. I used to think she was just extremely curious; now I'm beginning to think she is obsessed and can't resist the urge.

Please advise me how I can save my beautiful little girl. -- ALARMED IN TOPEKA, KAN.

DEAR ALARMED: The first thing you should do is contact another pediatrician. Meanwhile, lock up the products that are a danger to her. Your daughter needs a medical evaluation, and you must ensure that she gets one as soon as possible. Her problem may be caused by some sort of nutritional deficiency, or she may have an emotional problem.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Milt," has a friend, "Jack," whom I find insufferable. He not only talks loudly and constantly, but he's an exaggerator and a know-it-all.

I respect Milt's choice to be friends with Jack, but when he comes to visit I quietly disappear into other parts of the house and avoid his company. Milt told him I am like this with all his friends. He said it to spare Jack's feelings. I do not run and hide from any of Milt's other friends.

My daughter says I'm being rude to Jack. Is she right? I swear, Abby, after five minutes of listening to him talk, I want to pull my hair out and run screaming from the room. Must I sit there and endure it for my husband's sake? Milt thinks it's funny, but my daughter thinks my behavior is wrong. Who's right? -- PEACE LOVER IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR PEACE LOVER: It appears that Jack doesn't want company; he craves an audience. Since your husband and daughter enjoy him, let them continue to do the entertaining. I see no reason why you should be hostage to a boor who dominates the conversation to the point that you're ready to scream. Continue to make your exit quiet and unobtrusive.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about birthday etiquette. When there's leftover birthday cake from a party, isn't it true that the honoree should be allowed to take it home, or does the remainder belong to the person who paid for the cake? -- BIRTHDAY GIRL

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: The leftover cake should go home with the birthday girl, if she wants it. However, if the generous person who paid for it would like some, the birthday girl should be willing to share it. Consider this: Your hostess may have wanted to be sure you didn't eat your cake and have it, too. (On your hips, I mean.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I found my dog, "Belle," last year at the pound. We bonded instantly and I knew I had to take her. She was sweet, funny and fearless.

I remembered the truck commercials on TV where the message was dogs love trucks. Belle was no exception. The day I bought my used pickup, she hopped into the bed and was ready to go. It seemed that half the vehicles I saw growing up were old pickups with dogs -- always unrestrained.

At first, there were short trips to the store or on a back road. But after a month, we got more adventurous. Sometimes Belle would get excited and lean over and snap at passing cars. That should have warned me, but at the time I thought it was funny. It never occurred to me to be concerned. Not until she fell out.

I watched in the mirror as she tumbled to the road. Belle survived the fall and started to get up, but before she could get out of the way, an oncoming car hit her.

It was stupid, awful and completely unexpected. And it could have been prevented. A simple harness, or better yet, keeping my beautiful Belle in the cab would have saved her life.

Now, because of a stupid, macho image I had of a man, his dog and his truck, I have lost a beloved friend. Please, Abby, warn your readers that if they have a pet they care about, not to allow it to ride unrestrained in a truck bed. -- GRIEVING IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved pet. I'm printing your reminder for the benefit of other pet owners, but I would like to extend it. I frequently see young children standing on the seats of vehicles driven by their mothers, while Mom chats away on her cell phone. I have also seen pets and people riding unrestrained in the back of open trucks. It takes only a moment for an accident to happen. These kinds of accidents can be life-altering or fatal. So please, folks, use a little restraint -- the kind that buckles.

DEAR ABBY: I recently relocated to live near my son, "Gary," and his girlfriend, "Gina." Gary supports Gina and her three children, and talks constantly about marrying her and adopting the kids. Gary believes that Gina will marry him one day, but she has confided to me that once she finishes college and starts her career, she does not see herself married to my son.

I'm torn between telling Gary the truth and hurting him (not to mention damaging our relationship), or letting him find out in two years that he has been seriously used. -- TORN MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TORN: Talk to Gina and urge her to level with your son. If she refuses, then you must do it. If he finds out in two years that you knew all along that he was being used and said nothing, it will be more damaging to your relationship than if you tell him the truth now. He won't like hearing it, but you must tell him what Gina told you. If he were my son, I would.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Don," took a construction job with some friends he's worked with before. Almost every night after work, they sit at the site and drink beer.

The commute from our house is about 12 miles, and I have pointed out to Don that his drinking and driving is unwise. He agreed. One beer here and there doesn't bother me, but Don has been coming home pretty drunk every other night. I'm really concerned.

Last night, Don promised to come home right after work this evening and spend some time with me. He pulled in about 8:00 with a buddy from work. Both of them were drunk.

Don claimed he didn't remember the promise, and he and his buddy proceeded to eat the special supper I had prepared for US. I am hurt, angry and probably stupid, because I let Don leave so he could drive his friend home. When he returned 15 minutes later, he came in and went straight to bed. No "goodnight," no "I love you."

I wouldn't be so upset if it had been any other night. But he had promised me tonight would be special because it's our anniversary. Do you think I'm overreacting? I don't want a husband who's a drunk. -- HURT IN OHIO

DEAR HURT: You may not want one, but you appear to have one. You would be doing all concerned a favor if you quietly let his boss know there's drinking going on after hours at the job site, because should an accident occur, the company may be liable.

If the anniversary incident isn't enough to embarrass your husband into getting help, the alternative is for you to look in the phone book for Al-Anon meetings and attend them. There you will learn how not to be an enabler, and that no one can "save" a drinker except the drinker. I wish you luck, dear lady, because you're about to get one heck of an education.

DEAR ABBY: "Denny" and I have been married about a year. Everything was great -- we are very much alike. My problem is we both have water jugs that we use for our spare change. I started taking money out of Denny's and spending it. I was planning to replace it as soon as I got a little ahead.

Well, Denny came home one night and counted his savings and saw that I had taken more than $250 out of his jug. I am paying him back -- and he has sort of forgiven me -- but every chance he gets, he lashes out. He calls me a thief and curses at me.

I know it's a lot of money, but I'm his wife. I want to cry whenever I think about it. Will he ever get over this and let things go back to normal?

I'm depressed and angry at myself for what I did. I just don't know if things will ever be the way they were. Your thoughts will be greatly appreciated. -- THE UNFORGIVEN IN N.H.

DEAR UNFORGIVEN: OK -- the honeymoon is over and the illusions are tarnished. What you did was wrong, but so is cursing one's spouse and nursing a grudge. Since you are repaying the money, it's time to ask your husband why he seems unable to forgive.

One of the secrets to a happy marriage is learning to forgive each other. If yours is going to work, the two of you must accept that neither of you is perfect and learn to negotiate beyond your disagreements. Some sessions with the clergyperson who married you could be helpful. If that doesn't resolve the conflict, consult a marriage counselor.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)