DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Don," took a construction job with some friends he's worked with before. Almost every night after work, they sit at the site and drink beer.

The commute from our house is about 12 miles, and I have pointed out to Don that his drinking and driving is unwise. He agreed. One beer here and there doesn't bother me, but Don has been coming home pretty drunk every other night. I'm really concerned.

Last night, Don promised to come home right after work this evening and spend some time with me. He pulled in about 8:00 with a buddy from work. Both of them were drunk.

Don claimed he didn't remember the promise, and he and his buddy proceeded to eat the special supper I had prepared for US. I am hurt, angry and probably stupid, because I let Don leave so he could drive his friend home. When he returned 15 minutes later, he came in and went straight to bed. No "goodnight," no "I love you."

I wouldn't be so upset if it had been any other night. But he had promised me tonight would be special because it's our anniversary. Do you think I'm overreacting? I don't want a husband who's a drunk. -- HURT IN OHIO

DEAR HURT: You may not want one, but you appear to have one. You would be doing all concerned a favor if you quietly let his boss know there's drinking going on after hours at the job site, because should an accident occur, the company may be liable.

If the anniversary incident isn't enough to embarrass your husband into getting help, the alternative is for you to look in the phone book for Al-Anon meetings and attend them. There you will learn how not to be an enabler, and that no one can "save" a drinker except the drinker. I wish you luck, dear lady, because you're about to get one heck of an education.

DEAR ABBY: "Denny" and I have been married about a year. Everything was great -- we are very much alike. My problem is we both have water jugs that we use for our spare change. I started taking money out of Denny's and spending it. I was planning to replace it as soon as I got a little ahead.

Well, Denny came home one night and counted his savings and saw that I had taken more than $250 out of his jug. I am paying him back -- and he has sort of forgiven me -- but every chance he gets, he lashes out. He calls me a thief and curses at me.

I know it's a lot of money, but I'm his wife. I want to cry whenever I think about it. Will he ever get over this and let things go back to normal?

I'm depressed and angry at myself for what I did. I just don't know if things will ever be the way they were. Your thoughts will be greatly appreciated. -- THE UNFORGIVEN IN N.H.

DEAR UNFORGIVEN: OK -- the honeymoon is over and the illusions are tarnished. What you did was wrong, but so is cursing one's spouse and nursing a grudge. Since you are repaying the money, it's time to ask your husband why he seems unable to forgive.

One of the secrets to a happy marriage is learning to forgive each other. If yours is going to work, the two of you must accept that neither of you is perfect and learn to negotiate beyond your disagreements. Some sessions with the clergyperson who married you could be helpful. If that doesn't resolve the conflict, consult a marriage counselor.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of more than a year and I broke up about a month ago. While the split was sudden, I understood his reasons for wanting to end the relationship, and we're still good friends.

Recently, a guy at work expressed an interest in me, and we have made out a few times. This guy is extremely forward, likes to move quickly, and has made it clear that his interest is only physical. I can't seem to find the willpower to tell him to leave me alone. I keep associating with him to fill the void that was left when my boyfriend and I parted ways. He is pushing more and more to see me alone, and I'm running out of excuses.

I know what I'm doing isn't right, but the feeling of being desired is something I don't want to lose again. Can you please help me sort out this mess? -- TORN IN TWO

DEAR TORN: That little voice that's telling you what you're doing isn't right is your intuition. It is trying to steer you in the right direction. When an affair at the office ends, it can be painful and embarrassing to be confronted every day with the ghost of romance past, so take my advice and don't do it.

Tell the office Romeo to slow down -- he's moving too fast. If he has any respect for you, he will back off.

DEAR ABBY: I love to bake, and I have heard for years that when baking or cooking with wine or liquor, the alcohol burns off.

I have a cupcake recipe that contains one-half cup of coffee liqueur and yields 30 cupcakes. They were baked at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

One of my co-workers, after having one cupcake, told everyone that she was sure the cupcake had made her drunk. She even had slurred speech! She did not appear to be joking, and continued talking about it for several days afterward.

Is this possible? -- THE NEW OFFICE BARTENDER, QUINCY, CALIF.

DEAR BARTENDER: Yes, it is. I posed your question to Sherry Yard, pastry chef at Spago in Beverly Hills. Sherry told me that when the liqueur is put directly into the batter, not all of it burns off -- which means people with a sensitivity to alcohol should not eat those cupcakes.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I adopted two daughters from China. They are now 3 and 4 years old. Time and again, people ask if the girls are "real sisters."

My daughters are proud to be Chinese, and they know each other only as sisters. In time, they will understand the circumstances surrounding their birth. An adopted child from China has no means of finding any history about his/her birth parents.

What do you recommend answering when we're asked if the girls are "real sisters"? -- LUCKY MOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LUCKY MOM: There seems to be no limit to the questions people feel entitled to ask when they see families who are multiracial. Your daughters became "real sisters" the minute you adopted them, and I see no reason why you should tell anyone otherwise.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Lonesome for My Daughter," whose youngest daughter, a married college freshman, has quit communicating with her parents.

I, too, married at 19. My parents didn't approve because they were afraid I'd drop out of school. When we would visit my mother, she'd talk with me and ignore my husband. This made our visits few and far between. Could the mother have done something to alienate the son-in-law?

My marriage has lasted 12 years. However, the times in my life when I quit communicating with family were when I was undergoing severe marital stress and depression, and didn't want to discuss it or pretend all was well when it wasn't. In a more drastic scenario, my niece cut out family visits for years. When we saw her at Christmas, she'd barely speak to family members. She recently divorced, and now we have learned she had been in an abusive marriage.

I do think "Lonesome" and her husband should pay a drop-in visit occasionally. Her instincts may be "heads up" for some reason. Keep the visit brief in case the daughter's college schedule is on overload. That way, they can see, talk to, and hug their daughter and new son-in-law -- and while they're at it, scope out the situation. Dropping off food is always a good excuse for a quick visit or, if there's time, invite them out for dinner.

Mom could also send her daughter a phone card to save them money. Mom should be sure no strings are attached, and her daughter and son-in-law know it can be used to call anyone they need to. I also strongly recommend the Internet. Mom and Dad should learn how to do instant messaging: Ask a quick question, want an answer, gotta go. These quick messages let parents know their offspring are alive and well, and allow parents to be involved -- at least a little -- in their children's everyday lives. -- ALICE IN VINE GROVE, KY.

DEAR ALICE: Those are all wonderful suggestions. Many readers wrote to offer input (and insight!) to that mother. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Why don't "Lonesome" and her husband get weekend tickets to a play or sporting event at the college, and go there to have dinner and see a show once a month? That way they'll get quality time with their daughter, and there will be less stress over time management for the couple. After all, she's both a student and a newlywed, and that's a lot to handle.

Also, in my experience, cell phones dramatically increase calls to parents because an hour between classes or waiting for a bus is a convenient time to call Mom or Dad for a quick chat. -- CHRISTINA IN CAMBRIDGE, MASS.

DEAR CHRISTINA: Thank you for lending the younger person's perspective.

DEAR ABBY: I have a heads up for "Lonesome." Newlyweds may not want to come home for the weekend. They're happily enjoying their time together.

Here's how my in-laws handled it 17 years ago: If they hadn't heard from us for a few weeks, they'd call and say, "Is there a day in the next couple of weekends when we can come and take you two out for brunch or dinner? Pick a place you'd enjoy." Or, they'd pick up some food from one of our favorites and we'd have a picnic at our place.

"Lonesome" and her husband should try it. It might be a lot easier for her daughter than a long drive and an overnight at her parents' home. -- PATRICIA IN LEAWOOD, KAN.

DEAR PATRICIA: I agree. This is a period of adjustment for all concerned. The parents are more in control of their schedule at this point than the daughter and son-in-law may be.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)