DEAR ABBY: Last Sunday I attended church as usual. After the service, another woman and I started talking and the next thing I knew, we were having lunch together.

Over lunch, the other woman told me about her life. She said that as a child she had been molested by her father and when she refused his sexual advances, he started to malign her socially, emotionally and mentally. She no longer lives in the same town with him.

I have no experience or training as a relationship counselor, and found my tongue tied over her story. What should I have said to her? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: The proper response would have been to acknowledge that her youth had been very difficult, but that she's a survivor and you're glad she got away from her abuser.

It is unusual for someone to reveal that much to a stranger, and had the woman confided in me I would have asked if she'd had counseling to help her deal with it. If the answer was no, I'd have recommended she get it so she could lay her past to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I desperately need some guidance because I'm afraid I'm putting myself in grave danger.

I lost my virginity when I was 16 to a boy I hardly knew. I am now 20 and off to college, and I have literally lost count of the number of men I have had sex with. Only a handful of them have actually been boyfriends. I always feel horrible and used after sex, not to mention that I am constantly worried about STDs and pregnancy since I never use protection. Yet I can't stop being promiscuous, and I can't settle down with any one person. My self-worth has disintegrated, and sex has become meaningless to me.

Abby, please set me straight. I'm so lost and don't know who to confide in. -- SCARED AND ASHAMED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SCARED: Thank you for trusting me with your problem. When you get to school, check in with the student health center. You need to be examined -- and treated, if necessary -- for STDs. You also need to talk to a mental health professional to understand what has been driving your sexually compulsive behavior. (Often the reasons have nothing to do with sexual desire.) You are right that your behavior could have serious consequences, physically and emotionally. So please make getting professional help your first priority.

DEAR ABBY: I met a girl at school who isn't the prettiest girl I've ever seen, but she's one of the nicest people you will ever meet. I really like her, but I'm scared to tell her how I feel. Would you please give me some advice on how to approach her? -- CONFUSED IN MARYLAND

DEAR CONFUSED: The best way to "approach" someone is to simply show an interest. Say hello when you see her. If you share a class together, offer to study together. If there is an athletic event, a school play or a party, ask if she plans to attend, or would like to sit with you. You don't have to declare undying love -- just be friendly.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married five years to a man I truly love. The problem is, he's a "neat freak," and it's destroying our marriage.

I work full time, commute about 100 miles a day, raise two children with whom I spend a lot of time, cook a homemade dinner almost every night, and keep the house clean. It is never enough for him. I walk on eggshells trying to keep the house according to his standards and let my children be children and have fun.

If the kids are going to have friends overnight, I make sure it's on a night when he'll be gone. Our children can't go barefoot in the yard, and our shoes must be removed at the door and kept in perfect alignment. If the children eat cookies at the kitchen table, he complains about the crumbs.

He was gone this weekend. The children and I cleaned the house, picked lemons from our trees and baked him a homemade pie, and prepared a nice dinner for him. When he got home all he did was yell because someone had tracked mud on the porch. He never even said hello. My 3-year-old kept saying, "Daddy, we made you a pie and cooked supper," but he wouldn't stop griping.

Please help. Divorce is not an option because it would destroy the children. How can I get him to realize that his obsessive-compulsive disorder is hurting our family? He thinks it is normal. -- AT MY WIT'S END IN TEXAS

DEAR WIT'S END: Your husband's behavior is "normal" – for him. It won't change until you realize that the only thing more destructive to a child than divorce is trying to please a sick parent who is impossible to please.

For their sakes, if not for yours, DEMAND that your husband consult a therapist about his problem. Thankfully, it is one that's treatable.

Please don't wait any longer to assert yourself. Do not back down. When a 3-year-old can recognize that your husband's behavior doesn't make sense, it's time to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: Every Wednesday I go to a teen hip-hop class to dance and have fun. On one of those occasions, my friend "Tracy" came to class crying. My friends and I asked her what was wrong and she said her dad had hit her. We asked her why, and she said it was because she was on the phone too long. She showed us the bruises on her arms and legs. They looked very bad.

I told Tracy she could come home with me and she said, "No thanks. I'm fine." This week, she didn't make it to dance class. If she shows up with bruises again, should I make her come home with me and call the police? Please, Abby, I don't want Tracy to get hurt anymore. -- SAD AND CONFUSED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: If it happens again, get the dance teacher involved. It is important that an adult document what is happening, and teachers are required by law to report abuse. You are a caring friend, and Tracy is lucky to have you. It is not unusual for an abuse victim to protect her (or his) abuser. The victim may be afraid that speaking out will cause the abuse to escalate. If Tracy does not return to class, a report can be made by calling ChildHelp U.S.A. The phone number is (800) 422-4453.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have an 8-year-old dog and a 5-year-old cat. Unfortunately, my new grandson is allergic to both.

I live only a few miles from my daughter and grandson and visit them every day, but the baby can't come to my house. My daughter is insinuating that I have chosen my pets over her baby.

Abby, I need a truthful answer: Do you think I should get rid of my pets, or tell my daughter to wait to bring her baby over until he is old enough to be treated for his allergies? Please help. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN FLORIDA

DEAR WANTS: I see no reason why you should have to give up your pets -- provided your clothing is free of dog and cat dander when you visit your grandson. Since you visit the baby every day, I see no urgency about visiting at your house until he is older. It is not that you have chosen your pets over your grandchild, but rather that your daughter shouldn't force you into the position of having to choose unless it's absolutely necessary. (And it's not.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with a wonderful 4-year-old boy. I have been seeing this great man, "Mike," for about seven months. I have not let him spend time with my son because I don't want my child to become attached.

You see, I don't know if Mike wants a real relationship or just wants to keep things simple. He's 33, and that's a 10-year difference in our ages. Mike has never been married, and I have.

My friends have given me mixed advice. One says to go with the flow and just enjoy. The other says I should invite him to go somewhere with my son and if he objects, get rid of him.

Abby, he's the greatest guy I have ever met -- everything I could want in a man, and to top it off, he's drop-dead gorgeous. When is the right time to have a serious talk with him? -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: After seven months, I'd say the time is right. Invite him to go somewhere with you and your son. If he and the boy get along, share your concerns about your son becoming attached and later disappointed. Then be quiet and listen to what Mr. Wonderful has to say.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are friendly with several couples at church. These couples get together every week for a meal after services.

Abby, they frequently make plans with one another right in front of us, without ever extending an invitation. The other night, I was sitting at a table with several of the couples and became virtually invisible as they planned, in detail, an upcoming dinner party. I felt extremely awkward and uncomfortable, but the group apparently was oblivious.

Must we put up with this? Or should we take someone aside and point out how insensitive they are? I'd appreciate any ideas. -- NOT INVITED IN CUPERTINO, CALIF.

DEAR NOT INVITED: Rather than taking anyone aside and pointing it out, I recommend you look around and see if there are any other church members with better manners with whom to socialize after church. If your absence is mentioned, tell those people THEN how hurt, offended and unwanted you were made to feel by their insensitivity. But don't expect them to change. Rude people rarely do.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)