DEAR ABBY: I noticed that my 16-year-old daughter wasn't her usual self. So I questioned her one night and asked if there was anything bothering her, or if she was worried about something. She started crying and told me she is gay.

I responded by crying with her and asking her if she was sure. She said she was. I told her she is still my daughter and I love her very much, but that I can't help hoping she's just confused and that as time goes on, she might see that this is not who she really is. I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is difficult at times.

Please help me understand if my feelings are normal. -- CONFUSED PARENT IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Your feelings are normal. Most parents have plans and dreams for their children, and your child has turned out differently than you expected. I admire your daughter for her courage and honesty in telling you about her orientation, and I admire you for making it safe for her to do so.

Your next step is to contact PFLAG. I have mentioned this organization many times before in my column. It offers support groups, educational outreach and more to families and friends of gay, lesbian, intersexual and transgendered family members. The Web site is www.pflag.org and the telephone number is (202) 467-8180. Please don't wait to contact them. They will welcome you with open arms.

DEAR ABBY: I am nearly in my 30s and have this little problem. I tend to fall in love really easily. I sometimes can't tell if it's love, lust, or just a strong connection.

I have lost some very good friends because I became insecure and jealous when they showed an interest in other people. They weren't leading me on, they weren't giving me mixed signals -- I just fell for these people.

Last week I was so depressed I didn't eat for four days because of an incident like this. I got jealous because the object of my affections was on a date.

Rationally, I know I need to be there as a friend because most great relationships are built on friendships first. How can I tame my heart and not fall so easily? -- THE FALLEN IN D.C.

DEAR FALLEN: It isn't your heart that needs taming -- it is your insecurity! When people encounter needy, clingy, jealous people, their instinct is to run, not walk, in the opposite direction. Counseling could help you. You must get a grip and learn to like yourself more. Once you do, you'll feel less threatened if someone you like wants to take his (or her) time before making a commitment.

DEAR ABBY: My 67-year-old mother is retired and addicted to the Internet. She e-mails me at least five jokes, poems and "urban legend" articles a day.

It is annoying and time-consuming to wade through such nonsense, and I'd like to ask her to remove me from her mailing list, but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Please tell me what to say. -- PUSSYFOOTING IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PUSSYFOOTING: Since you haven't said otherwise, your mother may think you enjoy what she's been sending. Say: "Mom, I love you. But there's something you must understand. I don't have time to read a lot of e-mail. I'd love to get a personal message from you, but if the deluge doesn't stop, I'll have to delete your e-mails unread."

It's not unkind, and it's the truth.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11th-grade girl who should be an all-around happy teenager, but lately I've been depressed. Ever since seventh grade, I've gotten depressed at the same time every year.

The first time it happened there were many reasons for it. Around that time, you published a list of signs that point to depression. I fit all of them except one -- thoughts of suicide. Your list made me realize I needed help, and I got it.

For a while I was doing great. But now, every year I get this recurrence. My mood gets low and I have no energy. My grades drop. I feel worthless and cry easily.

Is there a reason why this happens, and is there anything I can do about it? (I live in an area where there is little climate change year-round.) Also, could you please publish the signs of depression again? It helped me immensely, and may help others, too. -- ANONYMOUS TEEN

DEAR ANONYMOUS TEEN: I'm certainly willing to publish them again, but before I do, allow me to direct some remarks to you. The fact that your depression recurs each year is not unusual, I am told. However, it is important that you tell your doctor about it. You should also discuss it with your family. Because depression often runs in families, you may be surprised to discover you are not alone.

My experts tell me that regardless of age, anyone who experiences any five of the following symptoms for two weeks or more should consult a mental health professional:

(1) Fatigue or loss of energy.

(2) Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.

(3) Feelings of sadness and/or irritability.

(4) Inability to concentrate, remember things or make decisions.

(5) Changes in sleep patterns.

(6) Changes in weight and appetite.

(7) Restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others.

(8) Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.

(9) Thoughts of death or suicide.

DEAR ABBY: I received a card from my husband's aunt, "Millie." With it, she enclosed a check. Millie and I have never met, but her note was warm and friendly. I wrote back and thanked her.

A few months later, we received another lovely card from Millie with another check enclosed. I'm sending her a thank-you note today, but I'm not sure how to decline future checks. As I understand it, Millie and her husband are elderly and not well-to-do. Although I appreciate their love and concern for our growing family, I feel uncomfortable accepting monetary gifts from them.

I don't want to appear rude or ungrateful. I would love to continue corresponding with Millie, but I don't want her to feel she has to pay for it. What should I say? -- CHECKS ALWAYS IN THE MAIL

DEAR CHECKS: Thank generous Aunt Millie for her thoughtfulness. Tell her that you are enjoying the opportunity of getting to know her, then deposit the money in the bank. Use it to buy her something lovely at Christmas or something for the children. If you decide to spend it on the children, let her know what you bought for them from their "great" Aunt Millie. It will help them to feel closer to her.

P.S.: Be sure they write thank-you notes to her.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 24. My fiance is 28. We have been together for five years and are engaged to be married in August. I love him, but I wonder if I love him enough to marry him. The closer we get to our wedding, the more I want to be free.

I want to go out, have fun and not feel so serious about everything. He makes things so much more complicated than they have to be. I can't even suggest a place to go for dinner without him having to think it over.

I feel guilty because I feel less attracted to him all the time. Should I marry him? -- CLAUSTROPHOBIC IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CLAUSTROPHOBIC: You may be experiencing pre-wedding jitters, but one thing is certain: You shouldn't say "I do" unless you mean it with all your heart. You and your fiance could benefit from premarital counseling. It is something that many churches offer and can be valuable for any couple considering a lifetime commitment. Only if you can accept your fiance the way he is should you go through with the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm embarrassed to admit this, but my husband doesn't brush his teeth every day. To make matters worse, he wears upper dentures, which he soaks and cleans only about once a week. He hasn't been to a dentist in the 13 years we've been married, and I suspect he hadn't been for some time before that.

I have talked to him about how this limits my desire to kiss him. Smelling his breath from 3 feet away is something I can't ignore.

I have tried reasoning with him that dental health is part of a total health program, but he also hasn't been seen by a doctor in the time we've been married -- despite a family history of heart problems, prostate cancer and diabetes. He appears to be in good health, but I worry about him.

When I tell him how his lax dental hygiene affects my physical desire, he listens intently, says he understands -- and then nothing changes. I love him. We have a good marriage, but he simply won't budge. Please give me some advice. Perhaps if he sees this in the paper he'll recognize himself. -- LONGING FOR A SWEET-SMELLING KISS IN GEORGIA

DEAR LONGING: Don't bet on it. There is none so blind as he who will not see. Your husband also appears to have selective deafness when it comes to hearing something he'd rather not act upon.

Frankly, I don't know how you have stood it this long. Insist on "clearing the air" with a marriage counselor. Your husband's refusal to attend to his oral hygiene is childish and disrespectful. Ask for a referral to a health-care provider who is familiar with medical and dental phobias. The alternative is to spend the rest of your life wearing a clothespin on your nose when your husband feels amorous.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)