DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Dick," moved in with me, into a home I have owned for 13 years. A year later, he accepted a job in a city two hours away. (There were no jobs in this area.) Dick lives in an apartment there during the week. We were later married.

The other day we went shopping, and I bought a decorator accessory for the house. Dick didn't like the color and became very angry at me.

The house is in my name only. Dick does not contribute to the house or its upkeep. He uses all the supplies in the house and never offers to pay for expenses. He gives me a check every month for less than half the utilities. Meanwhile, he earns a good salary and contributes to a 401(k).

Abby, Dick doesn't live here most of the week, despite my urging him to find a job that's closer. I am paying for most of the expenses for the house even though I'm battling cancer. I feel he has no right to complain. Which one of us is right? -- FRUSTRATED DECORATOR

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your marital problems go far beyond a disagreement about a decorator item. It appears your husband is not fully committed to the marriage, as demonstrated by his failure to support you financially or emotionally during your illness. It's time to reach a meeting of the minds and hearts about his job, your finances and your future together. A giant step in the right direction would be to consult a marriage counselor. Your physician can refer you to one. If your husband refuses to go, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 35-year-old wife, mother of two small children and caregiver to my mother. My husband has asked me to consider relocating to a distant state so he can advance in his career. I have no problem with it. I know I can start a life there, and I believe in supporting my husband.

The problem is Mom. She's confined to oxygen and is unable to enjoy the life she once knew. Nobody visits her. She just sits in her room, claiming to be too sick to do anything. When I told her we'd had a discussion about moving, Mom became extremely upset. I told her we love her, that she's a valued member of our family, and we would want her to come with us.

Mom says it's wrong of me to even ask such a thing of her. She says she's so hurt she feels like she has been kicked in the stomach. I should add she has panic attacks due to traveling. I have talked to her about everything we will do to ensure her safety and comfort. My husband is growing resentful of her. I have begged her to be open-minded, but she's very negative. What should I do? -- DUTIFUL DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Get your mother's doctor involved. She needs counseling, and possibly medication for depression and her panic attacks. While you're talking to the doctor, inquire about what arrangements can be made if your mother chooses to remain where she is.

Since you have already invited your mother to go with you, the choice where she wants to live is now hers. She could live for years -- and her health should not determine your husband's career choices.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Today marks the 228th year since the Declaration of Independence was adopted by the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia.

The resolution for the Declaration was introduced June 7, 1776, by Richard Henry Lee.

Do you know who seconded the motion? John Adams -- who would later become our second U.S. president.

Any idea how many states he was president of? (I confess, I had to call the public library to find out.) There were only 16 when John Adams took office.

Do you know who wrote our Declaration of Independence? A committee of five. Thomas Jefferson is credited with writing most of it, assisted by John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Robert R. Livingston and Roger Sherman.

And was it enthusiastically adopted? Heck, no! The Congress "suggested" a number of changes -- and you can imagine how poor Jefferson felt about that. (About the same as any author who has to report to an editor.) Do you care to know how many changes were made by the "tweakers"? Eighty-six. (It makes one wonder if that's where the term "eighty-sixed" -- slang for someone or something ejected or rejected -- originated.)

The Lee-Adams Resolution of Independence was adopted on July 2, 1776. The Declaration, which gives the details of the resolution, was adopted on the evening of July 4.

So why don't we celebrate on July 2? Beats me -- Happy Fourth of July one and all!

Readers, as you and I celebrate our freedom, won and secured by members of our military over the years, let's remember our troops in Iraq and around the world who risk their safety every day on our behalf. Send messages of appreciation and support via www.OperationDearAbby.net. Trust me, they will be received with gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: What is wrong with men that they don't have the energy to pick up a phone when they're going to be late and let their wives (or girlfriends) know? After an hour we get anxious; after two, we get worried.

After three hours had passed with no word from my husband, I called the police. They assured me that there had been no accidents in the area. I considered asking them if they would be willing to arrest my husband for causing so much worry and making me look like such a fool for having called them.

We women are equally to blame. As soon as we find out that everything's OK, our hearts melt with relief and we forgive them on the spot. I need to know how to stay angry long enough to let my husband know this is unacceptable behavior. Hello! There are pay phones all over the place. You men can let us know what's going on at any time. -- KAREN IN LILY DALE, N.Y.

DEAR KAREN: I don't blame you for being miffed. Three hours is a long time to wonder if a loved one is dead, injured or simply inconsiderate.

I have another idea. Rather than "staying angry," give your darling a cell phone. Then if he's more than a half-hour late, instead of calling the police -- call HIM.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter recently told me that my ex-husband is being married on a trip to Hawaii. Is it appropriate for me to congratulate him since he has not mentioned the engagement to me? We only speak when he's calling on the phone for our daughter. -- PUZZLED ABOUT "EX" ETIQUETTE

DEAR PUZZLED: By all means congratulate him and wish him luck. And when you do, tell him that good news travels fast.

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy 86th birthday to the sweetest mother in the world. You are my example and my inspiration, and I love you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old single mother of two, in the process of moving to a new state to be near my family. My older sister and her husband have asked me to be the surrogate mother of a child for them. They have been trying to conceive a child for a long time without success. I agreed without reservation.

My problem is my boyfriend, "Pete." He doesn't understand how I can do it, and why I didn't ask his permission before deciding. We have been together only since September, and I didn't feel it was a decision that I needed to run past him.

Although I am excited about being a surrogate for my sister, Pete is making me feel guilty about it. He insists he is just worried about me. I love Pete, but I don't want to feel guilty about the wonderful choice I have made. What should I do? -- SURROGATE SISTER

DEAR SISTER: Arrange an evening with your sister, brother-in-law and Pete. Perhaps if he hears firsthand from them about the pain of not being able to conceive a child, he will better understand what you have decided to do. However, if it fails to give him the necessary insight, you may have to choose between your wish to be a surrogate and your current boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I got involved with a man who was going through a divorce. I'll call him Tom. Our relationship was great. We got along well and enjoyed each other's company.

Shortly after I learned I was pregnant, he left me to go back to his wife. It has been a constant game of back-and-forth ever since.

Our son arrived in June, but Tom has made no effort to help support me or the baby. However, he has made an attempt to see his son.

I live with my parents, work and go to college. They threaten to kick me out because I talk to Tom and want our baby to know his father. I wonder if I should let him see the baby, if I should try to move out on my own, or if I should stay here and continue to live under my parents' control.

Do you think it is fair for them to give me an ultimatum? On the one hand, I don't think it's right to keep him from seeing the baby; on the other, it's not right that he doesn't help with support or anything.

What advice can you offer? -- DEPRESSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEPRESSED: Your parents may be heavy-handed, but they have your best interests at heart. The best way to assure your child's future is to stay where you are and finish your education.

I agree that your former boyfriend should contribute to his son's support. To ensure that he does, talk to a lawyer about what his legal responsibilities are. Visitation can be arranged at that time. If it is court-ordered, I'm sure your parents will comply.

DEAR ABBY: The wife of one of my co-workers just had a miscarriage. It's her second one. If the baby had been born, I would send a sympathy card. But what should I do in a case like this? -- STUCK IN INDIANA

DEAR STUCK: Send a card or a short note expressing your sympathy to the couple. I am sure it will be appreciated.

When couples learn they are going to be parents, they begin to make plans for that child. They have dreams about what they will do with and for that child. If the pregnancy doesn't come to term, they suffer a tragic loss and it should be acknowledged.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)