DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Gil" for a little over seven months. I love him, but he drinks a lot. A couple of nights ago he called me, roaring drunk. I told him he needed to stop drinking.

He swore on the love he had for me that he would quit, and asked me how long I wanted him to stop for. I asked him to stop for one month. I told him that if he drank during the 30 days, I'd break up with him.

Now Gil says that the promise he made doesn't count because he was drunk when he made it. He says he would never have made such a promise if he'd been sober. He told me he could quit for a month if he wanted to, but he doesn't want to stop.

I don't think this is fair to me because he swore on the love he has for me. Should I keep my word and end the relationship if he drinks? He's only 17, and I don't want him to ruin his future. -- SAD IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD: He may be only 17, but your boyfriend is already a problem drinker. He may care for you, but it appears he loves his alcohol more. Much as you might wish to, you can't save another person; you can only save yourself. If you're as intelligent as I think you are, you'll keep your word and end the romance so you won't ruin YOUR future.

DEAR ABBY: My niece and nephew were living with their father, "Ron," and their stepmom, "Anita."

Ron walked out on Anita, and she turned and told the children -- ages 11 and 12 -- that it was their fault that their daddy left. They have since moved back with their mother, but they continue to cry and worry because of what Stepmommy Dearest said. (She had also hit my niece with her fist and lied about it when confronted.)

How can I help the children to adjust and understand? They are precious young people who badly need stability in their lives. -- DOTING AUNT IN ALABAMA

DEAR DOTING AUNT: What your niece and nephew need in their lives, even more than words, is continuity. Assure them that you will be there for them as long as they need you. Praise them for their good qualities. Explain that regardless of what may be said in the heat of anger, adults rarely end their marriages because of anything a child may have done.

Have their father repeat what you have said. From your description of the stepmother, everyone will be better off with her out of the picture.

DEAR ABBY: Our marriage was wonderful until my wife cut back on her Premarin. Now she's argumentative and her libido is shot. I'm really suffering. I want a wife, not a sister. I love her dearly, but had I known this was going to happen, I might not have married her. Is there any alternative to splitting up? -- DESPERATE IN ARIZONA

DEAR DESPERATE: Yes, and it involves your wife being willing to level with her gynecologist about the disappearance of her sex drive since she stopped taking the Premarin. Women have been helped by using small doses of testosterone, but this is something that needs to be determined by a physician.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please urge "Depressed About the Future" to complete her education. I, too, was a younger child (fourth out of five) and only the second of 27 grandchildren to go to college.

My mother ordered me not to talk about college around my siblings, and my brother said I was a snob for wanting a better education. I am so glad I didn't listen to them.

Both of my parents told me how proud they were of me when I received my first degree. And as adults, one sister has earned two B.A.s, and another sister and brother have taken many college classes. The brother who called me a snob is now in college at age 54. He still teases me about being "Susie Co-ed," but he loves college and regrets not having gone sooner. -- B.S., M.S., FROM OHIO

DEAR M.S.: I applaud your determination and perseverance -- and that's no B.S. Readers all over the country have written to offer advice and emotional support. Read on for some samples:

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15 I announced at the dinner table that I was going to college. My parents said I should forget it because they didn't have the money. I said, "If I want to go to college, I'll find a way." And I did! It was the most empowering thing I have ever done.

Please tell "Depressed" that no dream is too big. I am now a trained professional with a graduate degree. -- DID IT IN MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR DID IT: Bravo!

DEAR ABBY: My husband, Phil, and I were the first in our families to receive university degrees. We did it together, living in a one-room apartment near campus living on $90 a month from Phil's G.I. Bill. We ate lots of macaroni and cheese, attended a church within walking distance (we had no car), and graduated in three years with bachelor of science degrees. Later, we earned M.A.E. degrees by going to the university on Friday and Saturday nights. (I graduated with honors.) There is nothing as costly as NOT getting an education.

The best advice I can offer from the perspective of my own education, and that of the hundreds of college students I have taught, is this:

(1) Believe in yourself and do your best.

(2) Be enthusiastic and make friends.

(3) Wring from your college experience every opportunity to learn the basics in your chosen field, and attend the elective seminars -- the all-campus lectures -- to broaden your horizons.

(4) Learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

(5) Recognize learning as an introduction to learning more on your own.

(6) You owe it to yourself, your children, your employer and your community to GO FOR IT! -- M. BALLOU, Ph.D., Ed.D., PAST PRESIDENT OF THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF UNIVERSITY WOMEN

DEAR DR. BALLOU: You have my respect and admiration. Wouldn't it be wonderful to know how many thousands of young people your letter has inspired today?

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law bought a pit bull. Because I have small children and am concerned about their safety, I asked her not to bring the dog to my house. She agreed.

However, my in-laws frequently baby-sit our children. Although my mother-in-law promised that she would not allow the pit bull there when my children are at her home, my father-in-law now says that this places him in an awkward position. He doesn't want to choose between seeing his daughter -- who likes to bring her pit bull with her everywhere -- and having my kids there.

He has asked me to reconsider. I feel strongly that I should stand firm, even if it means my in-laws no longer baby-sit, which will be a loss to my children. What is your advice? -- WORRIED MOM IN ANN ARBOR

DEAR WORRIED MOM: Small children should not be left unsupervised with any breed of dog. Children are unpredictable and could unwittingly do something to frighten or agitate the animal.

It would be nice if you and your sister-in-law could coordinate the visits of the kids and the dog. However, if that is not possible, unless you are absolutely certain that your children would not be injured, it's better to err on the side of caution and stand firm.

DEAR ABBY: Our 27-year-old college-educated daughter, "Peggy," has announced her engagement to a high school dropout with an abusive past and a rap sheet longer than my monthly grocery list. He supports two teenage children from a previous relationship and has been in and out of jail for assault and battery and DUIs.

Peggy has lived with him for the past year and has stopped speaking to us because we won't pay for the wedding. She and my parents feel we are wrong for not supporting her and paying for the wedding. What is your opinion on this? She is marrying him against our wishes. -- UPSET PARENTS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR UPSET PARENTS: Please inform your daughter -- and your parents -- that a wedding is a GIFT, not an obligation on the part of the parents. For all of the reasons you have stated, you have ample reason not to pay for the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend in her early 40s who is dying of cancer. "Claire" had a Class II pap test years ago, but she never went back for a recheck.

Claire now has only a short time left. She leaves an adoring husband and three teenagers. Please remind your readers once again how important it is to follow through as instructed by their physician. My friend's death might have been prevented. -- GRIEVING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING: Sometimes people with many responsibilities place themselves low on their list of priorities. Your friend may have been one of those -- or she may have been afraid to return to the doctor. But one thing is certain, whatever bad news the doctor might have to deliver, the WORST is that because the patient procrastinated the condition has become so advanced that it's impossible to treat.

P.S. Test results are usually available in about a week. If a patient hasn't heard from the doctor's office by then, the patient should contact the doctor.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)