DEAR ABBY: My dad, Alvin Hennerberg, who is now 78, is a retired farmer living in Nebraska. He and my mom, Elaine, have been married for 50 years. A few years ago, as I reflected upon his role in my life, I realized what a strong role model he has been through his daily rituals and work. Even though I didn't grow up to be a farmer, what he taught me has translated into how I conduct my daily life.

I put some of the lessons I learned from him in writing and gave it to him for his birthday.

I suspect many sons and daughters have similar sentiments about their dads on this Father's Day. There may be sons and daughters who would enjoy reading them, passing them along to their fathers, and telling them that they, too, learned important life lessons that only a dad can teach. -- GARY HENNERBERG, GRAPEVINE, TEXAS

DEAR GARY: The wisdom you learned from your father is classic and deserves to be shared. You have done him proud. Read on:

WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU

-- Make Hay While the Sun Shines

When it's sunny and the forecast is good, bring out the equipment and take advantage of the circumstances of the day. Not every day is sunny, and not every day in life brings opportunity. I learned from you that when times are good we should make the most of them.

-- Sharpen Tools on a Rainy Day

When it rained and we couldn't go to the field, we used our time wisely by sharpening our tools, doing maintenance, or other tasks that would give us a jump start on the season. I learned from you that rainy days are actually a gift from God to refresh, renew and make us better.

-- Keep Machines Cleaned and Maintained

We washed the equipment and conducted routine maintenance as an automatic ritual. It made them look years newer than their actual age, and cost less to operate in the long run. That attitude you instilled in me continues to this day. I take care of my belongings and treat them with respect.

-- Stay Between the Lines

A clean field requires staying between the rows when cultivating it. When you stray outside the rows, you'll needlessly destroy precious crops. I stay within the lines in my personal life and do what's right for my business associates. I learned from you to be careful not to do anything that would destroy what we cultivate.

-- Take the High Road

An improper act shouldn't result in an improper response. Better to take the high road and be able to hold your head up, knowing you did the right thing. I learned from you that often the best response is silence, and that good fortune results when you treat people with respect.

-- Go to Church Every Sunday and Trust God

We did it. It's a lifelong habit you instilled in me. It has reinforced in me the real priorities of life and family. And, equally important, it has given me the freedom to know that at the end of the day, and at the end of time, everything will be all right.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, TOO: Happy Father's Day to all of you. And to my own father, Morton Phillips in Minneapolis, a Happy Father's Day to my one and only "Pop."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Wanda," is in trouble. We're only in sixth grade, and I don't want her to ruin her life. I found out she is doing drugs. I know Wanda needs help, but I don't know where to start.

Should I tell her I know? I think the first step to helping her is to get her to admit she has a problem. Am I right? -- CONCERNED FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONCERNED: Admitting one has a problem is the first step in helping ONESELF. If you try to get her to admit she has a problem, the first thing she will probably try to do is deny it.

Your first step to helping Wanda should be to tell your mother what you have learned. It is important that your friend's mother know what her daughter is doing, so she can have the girl tested and find professional help for her. Do not put it off.

DEAR ABBY: When parents have been divorced for many years, is it possible for a bride to have both her father and stepfather walk her down the aisle? This is becoming a bone of contention that no one seems able to solve. -- WORRIED GRANDMA IN HOUSTON

DEAR WORRIED: If the birth father has been absent emotionally and/or financially, and the stepfather has raised the bride, the subject can be sensitive. From my perspective, the father who put in the effort should have the honor of walking her down the aisle -- but not all brides agree with me. Some families compromise; the birth father walks the bride partway down the aisle, and the stepfather takes her the rest of the way (or vice versa). I hope this helps to resolve the dilemma.

DEAR ABBY: I have a boyfriend I like a lot. The problem is my mother won't let me have him over even when they are here. I am very responsible and wouldn't do anything dumb with him. I'm 13, so it would only be to spend some quality time together. Have you any ideas how to convince my mom? -- TOTALLY CRUSHED IN COLFAX, WIS.

DEAR TOTALLY CRUSHED: Clip this letter and show it to your mom. She may think that you are too young to be interested in boys and believe that if she "just says no," your interest will lessen. Big mistake. Parents who are inflexible force their children to sneak around. They have forgotten that the safest environment is the one that's most closely supervised, and that is at home with an adult present.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if it is still appropriate to address a card to a young male child as "Master" and then the child's name? I have been doing it for years, but my husband says that the practice is outdated. -- UNSURE IN ELYRIA, OHIO

DEAR UNSURE: Continue to do it if you wish. According to the 16th edition of Emily Post's "Etiquette" (Harper Collins, 1997): "Boys may be addressed as 'Master' on envelopes and formal correspondence until they are about 7 years old, and 'Mr.' when they become 18. In between, no title is used."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. My brother molested me. It happened only once, but since then he has twice offered me money to help him with his "fixation." He had a girlfriend for a few years and they had sex all the time. After they broke up, his next relationship lasted for only a few months before she broke it off. That's when he turned to me.

I haven't told anyone because I'm ashamed of myself. I don't want people to find out -- especially my friends. I'm afraid they'll think I'm gross or something. What should I do? -- 'TOY' IN INDIANA

DEAR 'TOY': What happened wasn't your fault. You have done nothing to be ashamed of. The person who should be ashamed is your brother. His "fixation" is sick, and he should not be trying to make you a part of it.

It is important that you get help. Your friends do not have to know. Tell your mother what happened. If she minimizes what your brother did, then pick up the phone and call your local rape hotline, or the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (R.A.I.N.N.) -- 800-656-HOPE (4673). The people there will understand the seriousness of what happened and will help you during this difficult time. Please don't wait. Trust me, you are not as alone as you think you are.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for avoiding a co-worker's third wedding? Everyone in our office was invited to her second one, a large, catered affair. We all knew the marriage wouldn't last because she was marrying a jobless, irresponsible parasite.

She is again marrying for the wrong reasons. She admits she doesn't love her fiance, but he provides security and takes care of her two sons from her first marriage, both of whom have problems she can't handle.

I don't plan to attend, so am I obligated to send a gift? She's having another large wedding, she says, because they need money for the house they just bought. -- DISGUSTED IN DETROIT

DEAR DISGUSTED: You are under no obligation to give your co-worker a gift if you do not attend her fund-raiser. Since you have to work with the woman, consider sending a lovely greeting card or token gift along with your good wishes.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. I baby-sit for a family with three children. I watch them twice a week from after school until the mother arrives home from work. Lately, the kids have been involved in sports and after-school activities, so some weeks I am not needed.

Yesterday when I arrived, there sat the mother. She had taken the day off from work and didn't notify me. I'm afraid if I bring up the fact that I never know whether or not I should go to watch the kids, I'll lose my job. (Of course, when I don't baby-sit, I don't get paid.) I would appreciate any advice you have. -- GETTING FRUSTRATED

DEAR GETTING FRUSTRATED: It's time to expand your client roster. It appears you are being taken for granted and taken advantage of. For the mother to expect you to reserve a bloc of time and then not pay for it is inconsiderate and unfair. I recommend you institute a 24-hour cancellation policy. If you allot time to baby-sit someone's children, you should be paid for that time unless properly notified. Experienced, responsible baby sitters aren't easy to find.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)