DEAR ABBY: I married young. We had four children who are now grown. I went through a mid-life crisis in my 30s and ran around doing whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted. My husband, "Louie," begged me to stop, but I didn't. So Louie divorced me and married a woman I'll call Melody.

It's been eight years since the divorce. Louie has told my mother and our children that he still loves me and will till the day he dies. I feel the same way about Louie, but I will not go back with him.

Why? Because when my car broke down, it was Melody who picked me up. When I was sick, Melody brought me my meals. She is a sweet, caring woman who wouldn't hurt a fly, and I cannot cause her pain she doesn't deserve.

The moral: If you have someone who loves you, do not throw it away. Love is a rare and precious thing that doesn't come along all that often. -- SADDER BUT WISER

DEAR SADDER: That's true. However, you'll be a lot happier if you stop looking backward. You have matured emotionally since your 30s. You have also learned important lessons about life. Stop dwelling on the past and focus your energies on looking ahead. If you do, it is possible that you'll meet someone and be able to rebuild your life.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend introduced me to a guy about a year ago. "Arthur" was two months out of a three-year relationship. I was leery about getting involved with him, but he was the sweetest, most attractive guy I'd met in years.

Arthur called when he said he would, brought me flowers on every date, and I could discuss anything with him. I've never had such a perfect balance of physical and emotional stability in a relationship.

After two months, Arthur told me he wasn't sure he should be with me because he still wasn't over his ex-girlfriend. He said he was falling in love with me and it scared him. I was hurt and upset. He cried and begged me not to hate him.

I didn't see Arthur for six months. I ran into him last week and we started talking again. Arthur wants to start seeing me again, but I'm afraid I'll end up getting hurt. I want to be with him, but I don't want him to break my heart. What should I do? -- AFRAID OF GETTING HURT AGAIN

DEAR AFRAID: You say it has been six months? He may have gotten his former girlfriend out of his system by now. Take it slowly. Give him a chance, but be cautious. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know who to talk about this with, so I'm coming to you. I'm in foster care and living with a nice, loving family. I'll have a new sister because they are adopting me. She is always asking, "Where is your mom?" I always say, "I don't know where my mom went," but I have this weird feeling in my stomach that she doesn't want me to be part of her family.

Part of me thinks she is getting used to the idea that she's getting an older sister, but I don't know if I am picking the right family to live with for the rest of my life. Please help me. -- WORRIED IN NEW YORK

DEAR WORRIED: Tell your foster parents what you are feeling. It is possible that they need to reassure their daughter, who may be feeling some sibling rivalry. Counseling could also be helpful in putting your fears to rest. Talk to the social worker who is handling the adoption. He or she can see that you get it. I wish you the best of luck and a happy future.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in a couple of months. My biggest worry is that my sister, "Virginia," will do something to ruin my wedding day. She has never been able to handle not being the center of attention, and has caused more scenes and dropped more "bombshells" than I can count.

Some examples: Virginia announced her engagement to a man she had met two weeks earlier on Thanksgiving. She eloped with him on New Year's Eve -- then divorced him in a hurry so she could marry husband No. 2 in time for Valentine's Day. She has started screaming matches in the middle of Christmas dinners, and she and one of her boyfriends had a knock-down-drag-out fight at a relative's wedding reception that embarrassed our entire family.

I know Virginia's behavior stems from deep self-esteem issues and emotional problems, and I feel sorry for her. But honestly, I'd like to have just one drama-free family event where everyone enjoys themselves instead of waiting for the next bomb to drop.

Our parents are no help. Mother excuses everything Virginia does by saying, "We need to be more supportive of her and keep our mouths shut." My father copes by steering clear of the whole thing.

I am seriously considering eloping because I don't see any other way to avoid having Virginia attend my wedding. The sad part is, I will regret not having my parents, family and friends around me on my happy day. My fiance knows my sister is big trouble and says he'll support whatever decision I make. Any advice on how I can have my wedding cake and eat it, too? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN GEORGIA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Have a private sisterly chat with Virginia and tell her your concerns, because it appears they are valid. Your sister may not be conscious of what she's been doing. That said, take the precaution of asking some of your relatives to escort her out if she starts a scene.

You and your fiance appear to be mutually supportive. I wish you every happiness on your wedding day.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of five sons, and I'm concerned about kids not getting the facts of life from their parents.

My husband thought that warning the boys "not to do it" was enough. So, while their dad was away, I sat each son down privately and gave him "the facts." I also spelled out exactly what his responsibilities would be.

I made it clear that if my son was having a sexual encounter, he was to ALWAYS use a condom -- even if the girl said she was on the pill or "safe." I told him that if he was too embarrassed to buy them himself, I would provide them.

I emphasized that by being careful and prepared, he and the girl could avoid a sexually transmitted disease or an unwanted pregnancy.

Abby, my five sons are now 21 to 31. None of them became a teenage parent.

Mothers, please don't leave "the talk" to your husband. Some fathers do an excellent job, but if you have one like mine, you owe it to your children (and their future mates and your future grandchildren) to keep these young people tuned in, safe and healthy. -- PROUD OF MY FIVE SONS

DEAR PROUD: You are a woman after my own heart -- an activist. You wisely opened an important dialogue with your sons, rather than risking that they'd get misinformation about this important subject from their peers. Other parents can learn from you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work in a large, open office with five other people. We all collaborate on the same projects. When our office was recarpeted, we rearranged our desks. I now sit next to a woman I'll call Ginger, who has one of the worst work ethics I have ever seen.

Ginger spends much of the day on personal e-mail, playing computer solitaire, taking frequent smoke breaks, sometimes even paying her bills and answering personal correspondence on company time. Our new supervisor is clueless about it.

On top of that, I recently heard Ginger lie to the supervisor about how she had so much work she couldn't complete an assignment.

Should I tell our supervisor about Ginger's work habits? Should I say something to Ginger? Thanks for your help, Abby -- it's been an awful burden. -- OLD-FASHIONED IN BOULDER

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Talk to the supervisor privately and tell him or her what you have told me. Say nothing to Ginger, because that's the supervisor's job -- and it will only cause resentment if you do. Many companies, as a matter of policy, check what their workers are doing online -- so your story can be verified. When one member of a team is a slacker, it places an unfair burden on co-workers.

DEAR ABBY: When my 11-year-old daughter takes her bath, my husband sits on the toilet and eats his dinner in the bathroom with her. I find his behavior questionable and have asked him repeatedly to allow her some privacy. Nonetheless, he continues to "assist her" in bathing by adding bath oil to the water, etc. Neither my husband nor my daughter thinks anything is wrong with this behavior -- so what can I do?

He also strokes her backside to lull her to sleep at night, although she is now in sixth grade.

Please advise quickly before this gets out of hand. --UNEASY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER(S)

P.S. I have another daughter who is younger.

DEAR UNEASY: Your husband's behavior is inappropriate. Your daughter is old enough to bathe without supervision and should do so. You didn't mention how physically developed she is, but she will soon be a young woman. Your husband's method of "lulling" her to sleep is also too stimulating for both of them.

Discuss this with your daughter's pediatrician. Since your husband refuses to listen to you, he should hear it from an expert in child health and development. If he still refuses, the doctor can -- and should -- report his behavior to the proper authorities.

DEAR ABBY: I have three children. My oldest child is only 10. My parents remember leaving me home alone at that age, but that was 24 years ago. I feel things are too dangerous these days.

Is there an age when I can leave them home alone and know that all is OK? -- CAUTIOUS MOM IN KANSAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS MOM: I'm sad to say that times have changed, and 10 is still too young. No child should be left alone unless he or she is big enough and sophisticated enough to fight off or elude an intruder, or handle other emergencies that might arise. If the children must be left, someone -- a teenage baby sitter, for instance -- should supervise.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)