DEAR ABBY: I work in a large, open office with five other people. We all collaborate on the same projects. When our office was recarpeted, we rearranged our desks. I now sit next to a woman I'll call Ginger, who has one of the worst work ethics I have ever seen.

Ginger spends much of the day on personal e-mail, playing computer solitaire, taking frequent smoke breaks, sometimes even paying her bills and answering personal correspondence on company time. Our new supervisor is clueless about it.

On top of that, I recently heard Ginger lie to the supervisor about how she had so much work she couldn't complete an assignment.

Should I tell our supervisor about Ginger's work habits? Should I say something to Ginger? Thanks for your help, Abby -- it's been an awful burden. -- OLD-FASHIONED IN BOULDER

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Talk to the supervisor privately and tell him or her what you have told me. Say nothing to Ginger, because that's the supervisor's job -- and it will only cause resentment if you do. Many companies, as a matter of policy, check what their workers are doing online -- so your story can be verified. When one member of a team is a slacker, it places an unfair burden on co-workers.

DEAR ABBY: When my 11-year-old daughter takes her bath, my husband sits on the toilet and eats his dinner in the bathroom with her. I find his behavior questionable and have asked him repeatedly to allow her some privacy. Nonetheless, he continues to "assist her" in bathing by adding bath oil to the water, etc. Neither my husband nor my daughter thinks anything is wrong with this behavior -- so what can I do?

He also strokes her backside to lull her to sleep at night, although she is now in sixth grade.

Please advise quickly before this gets out of hand. --UNEASY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER(S)

P.S. I have another daughter who is younger.

DEAR UNEASY: Your husband's behavior is inappropriate. Your daughter is old enough to bathe without supervision and should do so. You didn't mention how physically developed she is, but she will soon be a young woman. Your husband's method of "lulling" her to sleep is also too stimulating for both of them.

Discuss this with your daughter's pediatrician. Since your husband refuses to listen to you, he should hear it from an expert in child health and development. If he still refuses, the doctor can -- and should -- report his behavior to the proper authorities.

DEAR ABBY: I have three children. My oldest child is only 10. My parents remember leaving me home alone at that age, but that was 24 years ago. I feel things are too dangerous these days.

Is there an age when I can leave them home alone and know that all is OK? -- CAUTIOUS MOM IN KANSAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS MOM: I'm sad to say that times have changed, and 10 is still too young. No child should be left alone unless he or she is big enough and sophisticated enough to fight off or elude an intruder, or handle other emergencies that might arise. If the children must be left, someone -- a teenage baby sitter, for instance -- should supervise.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Resentful in Illinois" described her husband as so obsessed with his cousin's little daughter that he acts as though she is his child -- saying he is "in withdrawal" if he doesn't see her often.

"Resentful" confided that she would love to have a child of her own and was hurt because her husband kept postponing it. She asked you if she was overreacting. You suggested that the child might really be her husband's.

Abby, you missed one other important possibility. "Resentful's" husband may be involved with that child in an inappropriate relationship. Statistics show that 80 percent of sexual abuse of children occurs in a relationship with someone the child, the mother and other family members trust.

"Resentful" should watch for any signs that the relationship has gone too far. If the husband is resistant to marriage counseling, it could be a red flag.

I am a pediatrician. I deal with some of these same situations in my medical practice. -- DISTURBED PHYSICIAN IN CINCINNATI

DEAR DISTURBED PHYSICIAN: Yours was one of several hundred letters and e-mails I received echoing the same suspicion. Although "Resentful in Illinois" wrote anonymously, I'm printing your letter because I thought she should see your take on the situation. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In your response to "Resentful in Illinois," you mentioned the man's excessive attachment to his niece. The child of his cousin is his "first cousin once removed," not his niece. -- MOLLY IN DENVER

DEAR MOLLY: Thank you for straightening out my genealogy terminology.

DEAR ABBY: "Sonia" and I have been married 10 years and have two young sons. Our marriage has been rocky for the last few years. Six months ago, I told her we had to get counseling -- which we did. After the second session she refused to go back. I suspect she realized that our counselor knew she was lying.

Sonia doesn't think I deserve a sex life. She picks arguments with me, and when I walk away she berates me. She seems to enjoy fighting in front of the children. She threatens me in front of them that she's going to "take everything," and I'll be left with nothing. I promise my boys repeatedly that I will never leave them.

Sonia has a part-time job. She refuses to work full time because if we split up, she "wouldn't get as much child support." Last week she told me the only reason she married me was because I made good money. Now I'm unable to work because of a back injury, and Sonia complains my disability check isn't enough to maintain the lifestyle she deserves.

Abby, I pay all the bills. I do most of the cooking and cleaning. My kids mean everything to me. I am not leaving my home, but living with Sonia is becoming more difficult by the day. Please give me some advice. -- TROUBLED HUSBAND IN MAINE

DEAR TROUBLED HUSBAND: You are married to a verbal abuser, a person with no regard for the emotional security and well-being of your children or for your feelings. It is now time to consider how destructive this kind of atmosphere is for the children. Since counseling hasn't worked, consult an attorney and thoroughly explore your options. However, before you do, carefully document exactly what your wife is doing and saying. Be sure to include dates and times. It will strengthen your case.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a hard time dealing with an upcoming event. My husband, "Rob," and our nephews are planning a night out visiting the local all-nude strip clubs. I walked into the room just as one nephew was inviting him. Abby, he jumped at the chance! When I asked what they were talking about, Rob said, "Nothing," and changed the subject.

I don't want him to go. This isn't a new occurrence in our more-than-30-year marriage. After we were married seven years, Rob came home from work and told me he wanted to be with other women. The men he worked with all had girlfriends on the side and were always talking about how great it was, and my husband thought he was missing something. Since Rob's sister and young son were living with us at the time, I moved out. Every day he called me at work to see how I was, and on the third day he called, crying, and begged me to come home. He had decided I was what he really wanted.

Twelve years later, Rob had a stress breakdown. While he was in the hospital he confessed that he'd had a three-year affair with a woman he worked with and had paid for her to have an abortion. He said it was over and promised there would be no more women. It was his idea, not mine. I never mentioned the subject again. Now this.

Abby, I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this. The "boys' night out" is in three weeks. I have decided to tell Rob that I wish he wouldn't go -- not can't go -- and leave the decision up to him. Am I just a jealous wife, or insecure, or unreasonable? -- WOUNDED IN NEW YORK

DEAR WOUNDED: I'd say you're insecure with good reason. Your husband's history of fidelity and stability is poor, and it didn't help matters that when you asked what the men were talking about, he was evasive. You do not appear to be jealous. It would not be unreasonable to air your feelings about his behavior, past and present, when you tell him you wish he wouldn't go. Considering his past, the request is understandable.

DEAR ABBY: While my mother lay on her deathbed, my stepfather of 17 years had her sign a new will, leaving everything to him. She was heavily sedated at the time, but he explained that it would be easier for him to disburse the money that she wanted us kids to have if he were in charge.

He remarried one year after Mother died and dropped us like hot potatoes. It has been a while since I contacted him, but my family had financial difficulties, so I called to ask about the money. His reply, "Tough luck."

He had promised my mother, my siblings and me that he would take care of us. We're not talking about a few bucks, Abby, we're talking about a half-million dollars!

I pray he reads this and thinks hard about what he did. Please help. I have no other recourse. -- HURT DAUGHTER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DAUGHTER: Have you spoken to a lawyer about this? I did. Here's what my legal expert had to say:

"As a matter of law, yes, there could be some recourse. However, we don't know how much time has elapsed since the mother died and the stepfather remarried. If the new will was done on the reliance of the promise he made, there MAY be something that could be done when he dies."

So, my advice to you and your siblings is to consult an attorney who specializes in planning estates.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)