DEAR ABBY: My situation is a mess right now. I am not a virgin. I lost it to "Chuck," a guy I really love. One of my friends is very religious, and she always brags about being a virgin and puts me down.

Now I hear that Chuck has been sleeping with other girls. I was raised to believe that whomever you lose your virginity to, you stay with. I am embarrassed now, but I'm too insecure to leave him. I'm confused because Chuck says the girls are lying.

Also, I may be pregnant. What should I do? -- MADE A MISTAKE IN CHICAGO

DEAR MADE A MISTAKE: Having sex carries with it certain responsibilities, and one of them is knowing how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases or an unwanted pregnancy. You haven't said how old you are, but whatever your age, it's clear you have gotten in over your head.

Ideally, you should tell your mother what you have told me. If you don't feel close enough to her to do that, then confide in another trusted relative, or adult family friend or teacher. Do not put it off. You should be seen by a doctor to ascertain if you are, indeed, pregnant. If you are, you have some important decisions to make. If you aren't, you need to decide how you're going to prevent pregnancy in the future. In your case, I strongly advise abstinence.

True friends do not put each other down. They build each other up and support one another in time of need. This does not appear to be a description of your religious "friend." I wonder how she found out that you were no longer a virgin. Did you confide in her? Or did Chuck broadcast the news?

And while I'm on the subject of Chuck: Feeling embarrassed about losing your virginity is a poor reason to stay with him. Ask yourself: Is he good to you? Is he honest with you? Is he responsible? Do you have common interests? Does he want an exclusive relationship? It is important to be able to trust the person you're with, and if more than one girl claims to be involved with him, you should investigate further and be prepared to move on if he hasn't been truthful.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged woman who is finishing college. I have never had much of a personal life because my mother embarrasses me in front of the gentlemen I date.

I now have the opportunity to move to another town where my mentally challenged son is in a group home. For the first time in our lives we can be together as our own little family unit.

Mother is now talking about moving herself and my sister to the same town. I don't have a life because of her, and now I never will. What should I do? -- SMOTHERED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SMOTHERED: You're an adult. It's time to "un-mother" yourself. Make the move, form your family unit, make friends and a life of your own. If your mother is determined to make the move, you can't prevent it. But no law says you have to introduce her to the men you date or include her in your social life if she embarrasses you in front of others. That's her attempt to control you -- and you can remedy that by "flying the coop" emotionally as well as physically. If you feel unable to loosen the family tie, then I recommend counseling.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently became engaged to a man I thought was the salt of the earth. Then I moved in with him. Well, he's not the man I thought he was. I now know that almost everything he has told me is a lie.

He's 12 years older than he said. He never went to college like he claimed. He told me he was sterile, but I discovered he has four children. He pays child support for two of them who are very young, so he'll be obligated for a long time. His parents are both living -- not dead like he told me -- and he's not an only child; he has two brothers who live across the country.

My mind is spinning. We're supposed to be married in three months. I'm seriously thinking about breaking the engagement and moving out, but I still love him. Should I stick it out and hope for the best, or listen to my gut? --SECOND THOUGHTS IN INDIANA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Listen to your gut. Leave now and cut your losses. Your fiance either has a lot to hide or he's a compulsive liar. Solid relationships are built on a foundation of trust, and your fiance has proven to you many times over that you can't believe a word he says.

DEAR ABBY: My dream is to go to college and major in either English literature or child psychology. However, I'm wondering if I should, because no one in my family has gone to college and I'm the third youngest. I don't want to look too ambitious or put a damper on my older sisters' and brothers' lives. I'm afraid they might say to themselves, "I am worthless. I didn't go to college."

Should I aim for college or not? I'm only in ninth grade and would appreciate some good advice. -- DEPRESSED ABOUT THE FUTURE, WENATCHEE, WASH.

DEAR DEPRESSED: Since your dream is to complete your education, then you should go for it. Do not let the fear of what your siblings "might" think stop you. They have chosen the paths they have taken. I'm sure your family will be proud that you were the first to get a college degree. And who knows? If you complete your education, it may inspire some of them to do the same.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is in eighth grade. We ride the same bus. She has been coming home very upset because she's getting picked on while on the school bus. There are many kids doing it, and it happens every day. She has done nothing to cause this.

My parents say I should stick up for her because I'm her older brother. I went and sat with her -- and they are vicious to her. When I defended her, they started harassing me.

One kid wanted to fight me, but I am bigger than all of them, and I don't want to get kicked off the bus. Also, I can't do this for her every day. If we tell the bus driver, it will only get worse. Please help, Abby! -- BIG BROTHER, STANWOOD, WASH.

DEAR BIG BROTHER: Do not stay silent and protect the guilty. By ignoring what's going on, the bus driver is as guilty as your sister's tormentors. Report it to the principal of the school. If it isn't stopped, your parents should report the harassment to the school board -- and if that doesn't do the trick, a lawyer should be brought in. Many school districts have rules about school bullying, and the behavior you have described is exactly that.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with a boy at school. Somehow he got my home phone number and started calling me. I don't mean he called once or twice; he called once or twice EVERY HOUR for weeks. It got so bad I'd make excuses to get off the phone or have my parents tell him I was out. That didn't stop him. He'd call back every hour or so until midnight or 1 a.m. -- when my folks would take the phone off the hook.

Finally, we paid money to get call blocking and blocked his house number. Then he bought a cell phone and started doing the same thing. We blocked that number, so now he goes over to friends' houses and calls.

I'd have no problem telling him to stop, but he has a very big mouth and every time someone disagrees with him, he calls them a racist. I feel helpless for fear he'll spread rumors about me. -- TRAPPED IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR TRAPPED: Speak up and tell him to stop calling already! If he persists, your parents should first notify his parents, and if that doesn't work, then notify the phone company and the police. What he is doing is called stalking. Your parents should be prepared to get a court order if necessary, because the boy appears to have an unhealthy fixation.

Please do not worry about his accusing you of being a racist. People who know you will know it's not true.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters-in-law. I'm the one who was chosen to write to you. Our mother-in-law, "Lydia," has always treated us like we are women who just happen to live with her sons. She drops over whenever she feels like it, "borrows" whatever suits her pleasure, even if the items belong to us, and refers to the grandchildren as her sons' children.

I have tried explaining to her that we both work, and it takes two incomes to accumulate what we have, and her comments are hurtful. However, knowing she has hit a nerve whenever she drops by uninvited, she makes a point of commenting to me that I'm driving her son's car, using his vacuum cleaner, or on how I'm raising his kids. It's infuriating.

Our husbands make excuses that she's old and doesn't know any better, or say, "That's just Mom." I know you're going to say they have no backbone. So how should we wives handle it? Do we just leave when she shows up? After 20 years of enduring this, we've decided we've earned the right to be just as rude as she is. -- HAD IT IN MISSOURI

DEAR HAD IT: The first thing the three of you should do is find a marriage counselor who gives group discounts, and visit the therapist together with your husbands. Ideally, the ones to get Lydia to shape up are her sons. If that proves to be too much for "the boys" to handle, then it's up to you to create some boundaries. Do not be rude -- be firm. When she "drops by," greet her with a smile and say, "This isn't a good time to visit. Your son isn't here and I'm busy." Then shut the door and go about your business.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)