DEAR ABBY: My name is "Sunny," but I don't feel very sunny. I'm 13 and have many problems. I'm afraid I'm on a wrong track and won't be able to do what I know I should with my life. My grades aren't good, and I keep getting myself into hot water. My mother has a lot of health problems, so she doesn't need my problems on top of hers. I keep asking myself why this is happening to us.

Mother told me she wants me to live a life that will make me happy, and not let her poor health ruin my teen years. Is it wrong for me to enjoy these years and plan what I want to do with my future even though my mother is very sick? What can I do to get my life back on the right track? -- SUNNY IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SUNNY: The most important thing you can do is stop feeling guilty for enjoying yourself. I can think of nothing that would make your mother happier than to know you are living your life to the fullest and exercising your potential.

Talk to a counselor at school about how to get your grade level back where it should be. If you are in with the wrong crowd, involve yourself in activities where you will make constructive and rewarding friendships. And most of all, share your victories with your mother. Share your concerns with her as well. It will make her -- and you -- feel better. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter was hired to baby-sit our friend's 1-year-old infant. When she arrived, she was told she would also be watching the next-door neighbor's two small children, both under 3 years of age. The parents were going out together, and the babies next door were put to bed, the house was locked, and my daughter was given a baby monitor so she could hear if there was a problem.

When I heard this, I was furious that they'd put a 15-year-old in that position and leave small children locked in a house alone. I said as much.

Now my daughter, husband and our friends are all mad at me for making them uncomfortable about their "arrangement." Apparently, they do it all the time -- both couples hire one sitter and leave one house unattended. These people are young, educated, drive expensive cars and can afford a sitter.

I told them I would call Social Services if they continue to leave the babies unattended.

My family thinks I owe them an apology. Do I? -- FURIOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FURIOUS: No, you do not. What these "friends" are doing is illegal, as well as unconscionable. If something should go wrong -- like a fire -- your daughter could be left with lifelong guilt and trauma. Please continue to look out for your daughter's interests. Being a conscientious parent means not always being popular.

DEAR ABBY: My mother wants me to go by my stepfather's name. My birth father also wants me to use his name. I want to use his name, not my stepfather's, but Mother disagrees. How do I tell her how I feel about this? -- DOE OR DALEY

DEAR DOE OR DALEY: Tell your mother again how you feel about the name change. You are your father's child, and it is wrong for your mother to try to obscure that fact. Since you are a minor, the decision may be hers, but perhaps she would compromise and allow you to hyphenate your father's name with your stepfather's. It's worth a try.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, struggling single mother. My 10-year-old daughter's father, "Lenny," was in prison for the first eight years of her life. He's a career criminal. You name it, he's done it.

Lenny's out now, but he hasn't changed. He wants to spend time with his daughter, but every time I let her go with him, she comes home with another story.

The world is a scary place, and I feel the need to protect her. I'm afraid he's exposing her to the wrong things. I also think he "works" while she's around. As far as I know, Lenny is still being pursued by the law and bounty hunters.

Sometimes it seems crystal clear. But then I think: Lenny is her father. He loves her. He's just not smart enough to be part of her life.

Legally he has no rights. His name isn't on her birth certificate. There are no court orders for visitation or child support. Abby, what should I do? -- TORN IN TWO

DEAR TORN: Your first priority must be your daughter's safety. Ask yourself what could happen if the bounty hunters or the police were to catch up with Lenny and your daughter were on the premises. You already know what you have to do. Now do it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Eric" for almost six months. He's everything I've ever wanted. There's just one problem -- I am 26; he's 50.

Eric doesn't realize that I know how old he is, and I'm not sure how to tell him. We haven't met each other's families yet, but I have discussed the age difference with mine. They have accepted my choice because I am happy.

Eric is a successful businessman in our community. Although I shouldn't care what others think, I can't help worrying that this relationship could damage our reputations.

Eric has a 13-year-old daughter. I know he'll introduce us when the time is right, but his ex-wife has given him problems in the past regarding custody and visitation, and I'm scared our relationship could affect that as well.

I am prepared to accept Eric's baggage because I care deeply for him, but I'm unsure how to handle some of these issues. Any ideas? -- YOUNG AND IN LOVE IN TORONTO

DEAR YOUNG AND IN LOVE: You handle your issues by talking them through with Eric. However, you may be jumping the gun a little -- your relationship is still fairly new. I have some questions for you:

(1) Why haven't you introduced Eric to your folks?

(2) Although there is a large age difference, you are both adults; why do you think your relationship could harm your (or his) reputation?

(3) If the relationship pans out, and you reach the age of 55, Eric will be pushing 80. Will you still love him when you're in the prime of life and he is doddering?

I urge you to discuss these issues openly. The solution to your dilemma lies in the way these questions are answered.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Chad" and I have been engaged for more than a year. Our wedding is in six months. While finalizing the guest list, I discovered that Chad wants to invite some people with whom I am not at all interested in sharing my special day.

"Michelle" was a close friend of mine through high school and college, but we have not spoken to each other in four years. I know Michelle's parents really like Chad, and I remember Michelle's mom telling me that if I ever broke up with Chad she'd like him to date Michelle.

Chad knows Michelle from high school and college only because he was dating me. He occasionally speaks to Michelle since they are in the same profession, and he likes her parents enough to take the time to visit them when he's in town.

I do not want to come across as the jealous fiancee, but I am uncomfortable with the fact that he so badly wants Michelle and her parents to be at our wedding. When I told him how I felt, he said he has known them forever and considers them good friends. Abby, I do not consider Michelle a friend at all, and her parents mean absolutely nothing to me and my family.

This is the only disagreement Chad and I have about our wedding. It's important to me to have only people there whom I truly care about. Should I put my foot down and deny them an invitation, or suck it up and pray they're busy that weekend? -- SICK OF THE LIST IN FLORIDA

DEAR SICK OF THE LIST: Take a giant step backward and let's look at this situation:

(1) Chad and Michelle have a casual business relationship.

(2) Chad was never romantically interested in Michelle, regardless of how much her parents might have wished it.

(3) Chad wants to invite them all on HIS special day, so they can have the pleasure of watching him commit the rest of his life to you.

(4) If I were you, I'd offer them a front-row seat and popcorn!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both had failed relationships in the past. I thought we had learned from our mistakes, but we've been arguing a lot.

If I ask where something is or have a different opinion about something, he claims I'm trying to make him look stupid, that he's "always in the wrong," and that I accuse him of things "all the time."

Abby, I do not think my husband is stupid. I think he's smart. I have never thought the things he's accused me of thinking. He blows everything out of proportion to show how wrong, wrong, wrong I am. The most benign comment can start a fight that leaves me in tears. His previous wife belittled him relentlessly, but I don't.

We have five children under age 5, and for their sakes, history must not repeat itself. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN IOWA

DEAR CONFUSED: There's an old saying, "Once burned, twice shy." Because of the way his first wife treated him, your husband is hypersensitive to what he perceives as criticism. He's playing old tapes over and over in his head and reacting to them, instead of what's going on with you.

With five children under the age of 5, this may be difficult, but I cannot stress enough how important it is for you both to find the time for marriage counseling. Do it for your children's sake. You may need to be more diplomatic, and he definitely needs to learn to live in the present. Please don't wait.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)