DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, struggling single mother. My 10-year-old daughter's father, "Lenny," was in prison for the first eight years of her life. He's a career criminal. You name it, he's done it.

Lenny's out now, but he hasn't changed. He wants to spend time with his daughter, but every time I let her go with him, she comes home with another story.

The world is a scary place, and I feel the need to protect her. I'm afraid he's exposing her to the wrong things. I also think he "works" while she's around. As far as I know, Lenny is still being pursued by the law and bounty hunters.

Sometimes it seems crystal clear. But then I think: Lenny is her father. He loves her. He's just not smart enough to be part of her life.

Legally he has no rights. His name isn't on her birth certificate. There are no court orders for visitation or child support. Abby, what should I do? -- TORN IN TWO

DEAR TORN: Your first priority must be your daughter's safety. Ask yourself what could happen if the bounty hunters or the police were to catch up with Lenny and your daughter were on the premises. You already know what you have to do. Now do it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Eric" for almost six months. He's everything I've ever wanted. There's just one problem -- I am 26; he's 50.

Eric doesn't realize that I know how old he is, and I'm not sure how to tell him. We haven't met each other's families yet, but I have discussed the age difference with mine. They have accepted my choice because I am happy.

Eric is a successful businessman in our community. Although I shouldn't care what others think, I can't help worrying that this relationship could damage our reputations.

Eric has a 13-year-old daughter. I know he'll introduce us when the time is right, but his ex-wife has given him problems in the past regarding custody and visitation, and I'm scared our relationship could affect that as well.

I am prepared to accept Eric's baggage because I care deeply for him, but I'm unsure how to handle some of these issues. Any ideas? -- YOUNG AND IN LOVE IN TORONTO

DEAR YOUNG AND IN LOVE: You handle your issues by talking them through with Eric. However, you may be jumping the gun a little -- your relationship is still fairly new. I have some questions for you:

(1) Why haven't you introduced Eric to your folks?

(2) Although there is a large age difference, you are both adults; why do you think your relationship could harm your (or his) reputation?

(3) If the relationship pans out, and you reach the age of 55, Eric will be pushing 80. Will you still love him when you're in the prime of life and he is doddering?

I urge you to discuss these issues openly. The solution to your dilemma lies in the way these questions are answered.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Chad" and I have been engaged for more than a year. Our wedding is in six months. While finalizing the guest list, I discovered that Chad wants to invite some people with whom I am not at all interested in sharing my special day.

"Michelle" was a close friend of mine through high school and college, but we have not spoken to each other in four years. I know Michelle's parents really like Chad, and I remember Michelle's mom telling me that if I ever broke up with Chad she'd like him to date Michelle.

Chad knows Michelle from high school and college only because he was dating me. He occasionally speaks to Michelle since they are in the same profession, and he likes her parents enough to take the time to visit them when he's in town.

I do not want to come across as the jealous fiancee, but I am uncomfortable with the fact that he so badly wants Michelle and her parents to be at our wedding. When I told him how I felt, he said he has known them forever and considers them good friends. Abby, I do not consider Michelle a friend at all, and her parents mean absolutely nothing to me and my family.

This is the only disagreement Chad and I have about our wedding. It's important to me to have only people there whom I truly care about. Should I put my foot down and deny them an invitation, or suck it up and pray they're busy that weekend? -- SICK OF THE LIST IN FLORIDA

DEAR SICK OF THE LIST: Take a giant step backward and let's look at this situation:

(1) Chad and Michelle have a casual business relationship.

(2) Chad was never romantically interested in Michelle, regardless of how much her parents might have wished it.

(3) Chad wants to invite them all on HIS special day, so they can have the pleasure of watching him commit the rest of his life to you.

(4) If I were you, I'd offer them a front-row seat and popcorn!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I both had failed relationships in the past. I thought we had learned from our mistakes, but we've been arguing a lot.

If I ask where something is or have a different opinion about something, he claims I'm trying to make him look stupid, that he's "always in the wrong," and that I accuse him of things "all the time."

Abby, I do not think my husband is stupid. I think he's smart. I have never thought the things he's accused me of thinking. He blows everything out of proportion to show how wrong, wrong, wrong I am. The most benign comment can start a fight that leaves me in tears. His previous wife belittled him relentlessly, but I don't.

We have five children under age 5, and for their sakes, history must not repeat itself. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN IOWA

DEAR CONFUSED: There's an old saying, "Once burned, twice shy." Because of the way his first wife treated him, your husband is hypersensitive to what he perceives as criticism. He's playing old tapes over and over in his head and reacting to them, instead of what's going on with you.

With five children under the age of 5, this may be difficult, but I cannot stress enough how important it is for you both to find the time for marriage counseling. Do it for your children's sake. You may need to be more diplomatic, and he definitely needs to learn to live in the present. Please don't wait.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Upset in Collegeville, Pa.," regarding the 15-year-old girl who wanted to get her belly button pierced. Your response included, "As long as the procedure is done hygienically, it shouldn't cause any damage."

I am a gynecologist. I have observed that navel piercings often cause significant permanent scarring, especially at the upper piercing site. These scars are far larger than one would expect. They can also be associated with darkening of the skin at the scar site, which makes them even more cosmetically unacceptable.

I can't explain why other piercings such as earlobes usually have no scarring while navel piercings often result in unsightly permanent scars. Anyone considering a belly button piercing should be aware of this potentially permanent problem. -- OREGON GYNECOLOGIST

DEAR OREGON GYNECOLOGIST: Thank you for writing. Although I live in Los Angeles, probably the navel-piercing capital of the United States, I cannot claim to have seen as many belly buttons "up close and personal" as you have, so I bow to your expertise. Many readers commented regarding that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: May I add a note to your response to the parents who agreed to let their daughter pierce her belly button, then changed their minds? I am 62 and still can't quite forgive my father for much the same thing. He was old-fashioned and wouldn't let my older sister drive. When I was 15, I begged to take driver's ed and get my license at 16. He agreed -- on the condition that I pay for the lessons myself.

Well, I did -- and passed with flying colors. But when I turned 16, he refused to allow me to get my license. When I asked why he'd lied to me, he said he hadn't lied. He simply thought I'd never be able to save enough to pay for the course. Even after 46 years, I still think he lied to me.

My advice to the parents: Do not break your word. It could damage your relationship with your son or daughter forever. -- MARJ G., WESLACO, TEXAS

DEAR MARJ: I agree. She fulfilled her part of the bargain, so the parents shouldn't have reneged on their promise.

DEAR ABBY: In some states, piercing isn't legal before age 16, even with parental consent. If the parents relent, I hope they'll find out what the local laws are and go to the most reputable person who performs piercings. My advice to potential piercers: Stay away from those who will do the piercing regardless of state law. -- SUZANNE, PRIMEVAL INK TATTOO, MONROE, WASH.

DEAR SUZANNE: Good advice.

DEAR ABBY: While I respect the right to change one's mind, the relationship of a parent to a child can be permanently damaged by relatively small betrayals. In today's world, belly button piercing is little more than a fashion statement, and the parents who are waffling over their promise to let their daughter pierce her navel in exchange for good grades risk far more by breaking their promise than by allowing the piercing. -- GEORGE (A YOUNG PARENT WITH CHILDREN), SANTA MONICA, CALIF.

DEAR GEORGE: I agree. And you stated it very well.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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