DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship for nine months. It didn't work out. Now it seems like every guy I'm attracted to turns out to be a real jerk. After they kiss me, I fall for them, but they don't fall back.

There is this guy I have liked for several years. He has already made it clear that he wants to kiss me. I'm afraid that if he does, I'll fall for him, but he won't fall for me. What should I do? -- DUMPED IN PITTSBURG, KAN.

DEAR DUMPED: Your problem is that you become attached before you know who those boys are. Slow down. Tell this young man that you'd prefer he get to know you before the kissing starts. Until then, make sure that when you see him, there are other people around -- so it's not so easy to become amorous. If he continues to show an interest, chances are you won't lose him if you kiss him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 39-year-old married woman with a loving husband who would never cheat on me. I have been having an affair for the last eight years. The other man, "John," is also married, and he has a family. I met John at my part-time job, and he also works with my husband.

Four months ago, I decided I needed to be faithful to my husband and I ended the affair. John has now begun having an affair with one of my co-workers, a woman I consider to be a trashy person. This has hurt me terribly. When I see them, I feel like telling his wife everything -- but this would only endanger my marriage, and I don't want to hurt my husband. Abby, help me get over this affair. -- CAN'T STOP HURTING

DEAR HURTING: What goes around usually comes around, sooner or later. Your "trashy" co-worker will get burned, so be patient and resist the urge to inflict pain. Your former lover is a serial cheater. The ultimate victims are his wife and children, not you. The quickest way to get over the affair is to find another job, realize how lucky you are that your marriage is still intact, and concentrate your energies on your husband and your future.

DEAR ABBY: Our friend, "Jake," and my husband have helped each other out for years. Jake repairs our cars; my husband helps him out with his computer needs.

The last time we had trouble with our car, Jake said he'd look at it. He called later and said we needed new brakes, some adjustments, and that some of the fluids needed to be changed. He estimated the cost would be about $200.

When Jake finished the repairs, he brought our car back (instead of our picking it up like we usually do) and left a bill in the car for $400 -- $100 for brakes and fluids, $300 for labor.

We were shocked. Jake never charged for his labor before, and my husband has never charged Jake for working on his computer. We contacted a nearby auto repair shop to compare prices, and they quoted less than Jake charged us. Now we don't know what to say or do. Help! -- BARTERING BLUES

DEAR BARTERING: Too bad Jake didn't warn you in advance that he was renegotiating the arrangement. Give him his money, and in the future, charge for any help he requests for his computer. You don't have to end the friendship -- just take a giant step backward and take nothing for granted.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When we were in our 20s, my best friend "Debbie" was an actress in several movies and television shows. Then she married, started a family and retired to be a stay-at-home mom. However, when she was just starting out and was desperate for work, she had a nude role in a movie. It wasn't pornography, but it was graphic.

Her sons are now in high school and college.

Last week, I was searching for her new e-mail address and did a Web search on the Internet. I found several pictures of her that had been taken on the movie set -- and those pictures could definitely be called pornographic.

I doubt if Debbie knows they exist, much less have been posted on the Internet. She is not much of a Net surfer, but her sons are. Should I tell her? Or should I keep my mouth shut and hope for the best? -- WORRIED IN WOOSTER, OHIO

DEAR WORRIED: If there were nude pictures of YOU on the Internet, wouldn't you want to know? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Better she should hear the news from you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old single woman who was in a serious relationship for three years with a man I had known for nearly a decade -- since we were children. We parted on bad terms a year and a half ago.

My friends and family tell me what a wonderful, funny, beautiful person I am -- that I have a great personality and I should begin dating again. They are always trying to set me up with someone. Sometimes the thought is appealing, but when the time comes to call or approach a guy, I get scared. I have been asked out, but I never go.

A part of me likes being single, but sometimes I get lonely and wish I could find the courage to ask a guy out. My mom keeps asking me if I've met anyone. I know she wants me to be happy, but I'm scared of being hurt again, so I lie to everyone and tell them I'm fine. But I can't lie to myself.

Can you give me some words of advice to boost my confidence? -- BURNED IN VICTORIA, TEXAS

DEAR BURNED: Only this: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. As my dear mother used to say, "If you want a place in the sun, sometimes you have to put up with a few blisters."

Dating is a selection process, and hopefully we learn from our errors. Although you parted on bad terms, the relationship you had was a learning experience. It taught you what you DON'T want in a relationship, and that's a valuable lesson. Please don't give up now. You have only just begun. You may have to "kiss a few frogs," but it will all be worth it when you finally encounter Prince Charming. Just call me ... "BEEN THERE IN BEVERLY HILLS"

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have no children. Our friends' children are teenagers and are good kids. We often include them when we invite their parents to dinner at our home, or when we meet for a bite after work. We enjoy doing this on occasion, but our friends tend to assume that their kids have a blanket invitation to come along.

I would like to have an adults-only dinner gathering at our home. Is it OK to say that when I extend the invitation? -- HOSTESS, ANYWHERE, USA

DEAR HOSTESS: Of course it's all right. If you choose to host a dinner party, you are within your rights to specify that you want the evening to be an adults-only affair. And since you make an effort to include the children at other times, there should be no hard feelings.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Last week I printed some of the letters I received in support of the 13-year-old girl, "I Have a Dream," who aspired to be president of the United States. Her teacher and classmates ridiculed her. The letters have been wonderful and deserve to be shared. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was deeply touched by that girl's letter. Her "teacher" needs to find another profession, and her parents need to find a lawyer to file a bullying case against the school district for doing nothing to stop the harassment.

Any court judgment that results from the suit should be used to send that forward-thinking young lady to a great prep school and to pay for her college education. If there's money left over, she should put it toward her very first political campaign -- perhaps running for a seat on the local school board. Hey, you have to start somewhere. -- SHE'S GOT MY VOTE, KAHULUI, HAWAII

DEAR S.G.M.V.: Not a bad idea. You should be her campaign manager.

DEAR ABBY: I am a state-licensed psychologist. A number of years ago, I surveyed 1,500 boys and girls attending five elementary schools in Miami. I asked them to answer "yes" or "no" to a series of 10 questions, which included if they had ever thought of becoming president of the United States when they grew up.

To my surprise, I discovered more girls than boys answered "yes." I also learned that half the students had been told that only a male could be president.

Through my nonprofit foundation, Women Are Wonderful Foundation Inc., I do all I can to promote female leadership. Young women deserve all the support we can give them to realize their ambitions. -- ANN MOLIVER RUBEN, PH.D., WESTON, FLA.

DEAR DR. RUBEN: And because of people like you, she is getting it.

DEAR ABBY: Please encourage that bright young future leader to check out The White House Project at www.thewhitehouseproject.org. It's an organization dedicated to electing a woman to the White House and other positions of political leadership. It has an area called "GirlZone," which highlights areas where girls can become politically active, and participating Girl Scouts can earn their White House leadership patch. And, Abby, please tell "I Have a Dream" that we all wish her success in her pursuits. -- POLITICAL FEMINIST IN HOUSTON

DEAR FEMINIST: Thank you for another great resource.

DEAR ABBY: Back in the '60s, during my senior year, a member of the FBI came to speak to our class about recruitment. I inquired about female agents, and the agent, as well as my entire senior class, broke out in uproarious laughter. When the agent finally recovered, he told me there were secretarial positions within the agency, but nothing more.

I eventually wound up in another male-dominated field, and I have realized that gender has nothing to do with the ability to do the job. I smile today when I see female agents representing the FBI. I wonder sometimes how difficult it was for that FBI agent to adjust to women "infiltrating" his domain.

So, please tell that girl to hang onto her dream and realize that her tormentors are the ones who will be stuck in dead-end, unfulfilling positions (and wonder where they went wrong), because they never learned to dream "big." -- SUNNY WILSON, GAUTIER, MISS.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)