DEAR ABBY: When we were in our 20s, my best friend "Debbie" was an actress in several movies and television shows. Then she married, started a family and retired to be a stay-at-home mom. However, when she was just starting out and was desperate for work, she had a nude role in a movie. It wasn't pornography, but it was graphic.

Her sons are now in high school and college.

Last week, I was searching for her new e-mail address and did a Web search on the Internet. I found several pictures of her that had been taken on the movie set -- and those pictures could definitely be called pornographic.

I doubt if Debbie knows they exist, much less have been posted on the Internet. She is not much of a Net surfer, but her sons are. Should I tell her? Or should I keep my mouth shut and hope for the best? -- WORRIED IN WOOSTER, OHIO

DEAR WORRIED: If there were nude pictures of YOU on the Internet, wouldn't you want to know? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Better she should hear the news from you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old single woman who was in a serious relationship for three years with a man I had known for nearly a decade -- since we were children. We parted on bad terms a year and a half ago.

My friends and family tell me what a wonderful, funny, beautiful person I am -- that I have a great personality and I should begin dating again. They are always trying to set me up with someone. Sometimes the thought is appealing, but when the time comes to call or approach a guy, I get scared. I have been asked out, but I never go.

A part of me likes being single, but sometimes I get lonely and wish I could find the courage to ask a guy out. My mom keeps asking me if I've met anyone. I know she wants me to be happy, but I'm scared of being hurt again, so I lie to everyone and tell them I'm fine. But I can't lie to myself.

Can you give me some words of advice to boost my confidence? -- BURNED IN VICTORIA, TEXAS

DEAR BURNED: Only this: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. As my dear mother used to say, "If you want a place in the sun, sometimes you have to put up with a few blisters."

Dating is a selection process, and hopefully we learn from our errors. Although you parted on bad terms, the relationship you had was a learning experience. It taught you what you DON'T want in a relationship, and that's a valuable lesson. Please don't give up now. You have only just begun. You may have to "kiss a few frogs," but it will all be worth it when you finally encounter Prince Charming. Just call me ... "BEEN THERE IN BEVERLY HILLS"

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have no children. Our friends' children are teenagers and are good kids. We often include them when we invite their parents to dinner at our home, or when we meet for a bite after work. We enjoy doing this on occasion, but our friends tend to assume that their kids have a blanket invitation to come along.

I would like to have an adults-only dinner gathering at our home. Is it OK to say that when I extend the invitation? -- HOSTESS, ANYWHERE, USA

DEAR HOSTESS: Of course it's all right. If you choose to host a dinner party, you are within your rights to specify that you want the evening to be an adults-only affair. And since you make an effort to include the children at other times, there should be no hard feelings.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Last week I printed some of the letters I received in support of the 13-year-old girl, "I Have a Dream," who aspired to be president of the United States. Her teacher and classmates ridiculed her. The letters have been wonderful and deserve to be shared. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was deeply touched by that girl's letter. Her "teacher" needs to find another profession, and her parents need to find a lawyer to file a bullying case against the school district for doing nothing to stop the harassment.

Any court judgment that results from the suit should be used to send that forward-thinking young lady to a great prep school and to pay for her college education. If there's money left over, she should put it toward her very first political campaign -- perhaps running for a seat on the local school board. Hey, you have to start somewhere. -- SHE'S GOT MY VOTE, KAHULUI, HAWAII

DEAR S.G.M.V.: Not a bad idea. You should be her campaign manager.

DEAR ABBY: I am a state-licensed psychologist. A number of years ago, I surveyed 1,500 boys and girls attending five elementary schools in Miami. I asked them to answer "yes" or "no" to a series of 10 questions, which included if they had ever thought of becoming president of the United States when they grew up.

To my surprise, I discovered more girls than boys answered "yes." I also learned that half the students had been told that only a male could be president.

Through my nonprofit foundation, Women Are Wonderful Foundation Inc., I do all I can to promote female leadership. Young women deserve all the support we can give them to realize their ambitions. -- ANN MOLIVER RUBEN, PH.D., WESTON, FLA.

DEAR DR. RUBEN: And because of people like you, she is getting it.

DEAR ABBY: Please encourage that bright young future leader to check out The White House Project at www.thewhitehouseproject.org. It's an organization dedicated to electing a woman to the White House and other positions of political leadership. It has an area called "GirlZone," which highlights areas where girls can become politically active, and participating Girl Scouts can earn their White House leadership patch. And, Abby, please tell "I Have a Dream" that we all wish her success in her pursuits. -- POLITICAL FEMINIST IN HOUSTON

DEAR FEMINIST: Thank you for another great resource.

DEAR ABBY: Back in the '60s, during my senior year, a member of the FBI came to speak to our class about recruitment. I inquired about female agents, and the agent, as well as my entire senior class, broke out in uproarious laughter. When the agent finally recovered, he told me there were secretarial positions within the agency, but nothing more.

I eventually wound up in another male-dominated field, and I have realized that gender has nothing to do with the ability to do the job. I smile today when I see female agents representing the FBI. I wonder sometimes how difficult it was for that FBI agent to adjust to women "infiltrating" his domain.

So, please tell that girl to hang onto her dream and realize that her tormentors are the ones who will be stuck in dead-end, unfulfilling positions (and wonder where they went wrong), because they never learned to dream "big." -- SUNNY WILSON, GAUTIER, MISS.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Rhonda," and I went to a nightclub. The bouncer said she could go in, but I could not. I wasn't surprised because the doors are always open to gorgeous women. What did surprise me was that Rhonda went in and left me standing there.

The next day I asked her if we could go places where we could both have a good time. She said: "Look. I wanted to go in, OK? My friends were there, and I wanted to have a good time."

Well, so did I, Abby! She could have gone to the club another time with her girlfriends. We were supposed to be together that night. I think it was insulting and callous for her to treat me like that. I'm so hurt I'm ready to break the engagement.

Do you think I am being overly sensitive? Rhonda does. -- HURT AND ASHAMED IN N.Y.C.

DEAR HURT AND ASHAMED: Not only was it insulting and callous of Rhonda to leave you at the door, it was also selfish, immature and completely without regard for your feelings. You were remarkably tolerant not to have broken the engagement the next morning. However, please consider it. Rhonda has a lot of growing up to do before she should marry anyone.

DEAR ABBY: My friends "Mike" and "Mary" were happily married for 20 years. They led a healthy, active life and were an inspiration to many people, including me.

Unfortunately, Mary lost her battle with cancer three months ago. Mike was her devoted caregiver, but now he says he is ready to live again.

Mike and I share many interests and have been spending time together, but we're unsure about what the proper waiting period should be to begin dating publicly. The time is right as far as we're concerned, but we are worried about the feelings and attitudes of others -- even though we've been friends for 20 years.

What do you think is the appropriate length of time before we can "go public"? -- READY TO LIVE AGAIN

DEAR READY: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to that question. Did Mike and Mary have children? How will a quick attachment look to them? How long was Mary's battle with cancer? If it was a long fight, then people in your community will recognize that Mike had time to mourn his loss before her actual death.

In a nutshell, there is no exact timetable for grief. But in my opinion, six months to a year is a reasonable time, out of respect for a loved one's memory, before "going public" -- unless the two of you are in your 80s. (In which case, time may be of the essence.)

DEAR ABBY: Please advise this never-married 41-year-old woman how to answer the dreaded, "So why aren't you married yet?" question. During the early getting-to-know-you stage of dating, this question invariably comes up, and I always feel like I'm taking a pop quiz -- and failing. Please advise. -- ON THE SPOT IN TUCSON

DEAR ON THE SPOT: Stop feeling defensive about it, and just tell the truth. "The right person hasn't asked me."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)