DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. I work as a nanny for a single father. My boss has been hitting on me, even though he knows I have a boyfriend. I try to avoid my boss at all costs, which is pretty easy since he works until late at night and I'm usually in bed when he comes home.

But when I can't avoid him, he flirts with me and rubs my shoulders.

I love this job and don't know what to do. How should I handle this? Should I tell my boyfriend what's going on? -- A NANNY IN TEXAS

DEAR NANNY: Rather than tell your boyfriend, first speak to your boss. Tell him that you like your job and love his children, but it makes you uncomfortable when he touches you. Your silence may have given him the false impression that his advances are welcomed.

P.S. I hope he listens to you. Good nannies are hard to find.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and my boyfriend, "Jack," is 16. We've been going out for a year.

Recently, I told him I wanted us to sign a "True Love Waits" card. (It's a card saying that since it's the right thing to do, we're going to wait to have sex until we're married.)

Jack was not thrilled about the idea. He said, "We already said we'd wait, so what's the difference?" I'm afraid he'll break up with me or cheat if I don't keep him interested.

I hope he'll sign the card AND be faithful to me, but I can't be sure. And please don't tell me to dump him. I love Jack. He hasn't done anything wrong yet -- and we promised each other we'd always work out our problems together. -- CHASTE SOPHOMORE IN ARDMORE, OKLA.

DEAR CHASTE: Statistically, as sincere as high school romances may be, they do not usually lead to marriage. Contrary to what some people think, you cannot keep a man interested for long solely because of sex. If there isn't mutual interest and sincere feeling, he'll wander off to make another conquest.

I, too, hope your boyfriend will sign the card and abide by it. But if he doesn't, it's an indication that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. Remember that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Donald," is working out of state. Last week when I called him on his cell phone, someone picked up and said nothing -- but didn't disconnect. So for the next hour, I listened to my husband in a bar with another woman. I heard laughing, talking and glasses clinking. I heard them leave together to have dinner. Then the battery died.

I am hurt to the core. Donald swears nothing happened, that she was just his ride. I'm trying hard to believe him, but when I question him further, he becomes upset and defensive. His answers -- or lack of them -- have destroyed my heart and soul.

Why can't Donald say the right things to take my hurt away? Why doesn't he understand? Abby, am I wrong to be so upset? -- DISCONNECTED IN DEER PARK

DEAR DISCONNECTED: You are not wrong to be upset. Your husband's refusal to give you an adequate explanation speaks volumes.

Laughing, talking, glasses clinking could be considered a "date," and if they were so loaded he didn't realize he'd left the cell phone on, your marriage is in trouble for more than one reason. Schedule an appointment with a marriage counselor. If your husband refuses to go, go without him, because my intuition tells me you are going to need all the emotional support you can get.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Concerned in Northbrook," where the 14-year-old niece was instructed to stay home alone and let the tile man in, I feel compelled to share my story.

My former husband, "Steve," seemed attractive, gentle and polite. While working as an installer for a nationwide security company, he lured a 14-year-old girl into his van and sexually assaulted her. Her parents' determination to shield their daughter enabled Steve to plea-bargain a prison sentence of only eight months. After his release, Steve returned to work as an installer for a satellite TV company and currently works for another security company, installing systems in homes.

Although he is a registered sex offender, no one would ever guess Steve is a pedophile. His parole officer told me that he shouldn't be around children. Can you imagine leaving your 14-year-old daughter home alone to let in my charming former husband? -- ALSO CONCERNED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ALSO CONCERNED: Your warning is chilling. Parents, please take note and take nothing for granted. Better to be overly cautious than not cautious enough.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 13. My best friend, "Heather," moved an hour away, and we have kind of drifted apart. On Saturday, I ran into her at my friend "Tanya's" house here in town. We all went to the mall, and Heather met "Johnny," a 16-year-old guy who goes to my school.

Well, Johnny came back to Tanya's house (her parents weren't home), and he and Heather were all over each other. They were hot and heavy on the couch while Tanya and I tried to watch TV. To make a long story short, Johnny and Heather ended up having sex right there in the same room with us. I couldn't believe what I was seeing -- they hadn't known each other more than a few hours.

The news about Johnny and Heather spread fast. Everyone wants to know if I still consider Heather my friend. Kids are calling her "easy," along with other names I won't mention.

As much as I want to be her friend, I'm worried about getting a bad reputation if I stick up for her. Plus, I'm scared my mom will hear about what went on that day. What should I do? -- STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT IN A TEXAS TOWN

DEAR STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT: Tell the truth. Say that you and Heather used to be close friends, but since she moved away you're not close anymore.

P.S. I hope you WILL tell your mother what happened that day. Heather's mother needs to know that her daughter is sexually active, and vulnerable to STDs and pregnancy. It will be doing Heather a tremendous favor, and help her to avoid a lot of trouble in the near future.

DEAR ABBY: I've just had the most dreaded of all shopping trips: the New Bra Expedition. No woman over the age of 12 looks forward to it. I'd rather strip and wax a kitchen floor.

Now brassiere manufacturers have made things worse by placing the strap length adjustment in the BACK of the bra. What were they thinking? Why not move the opening to the back of men's briefs -- it makes just as much sense.

I'd be interested in hearing from other women about this lunacy. Abby, dear, let's start a campaign to return sanity to women's underwear. -- DOUBLE-JOINTED IN DAYTON

DEAR DOUBLE-JOINTED: I'll join you on the bandwagon because I too sometimes wonder whether certain garments have been designed by men without first consulting women.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When I date a man, I wine and dine him with gifts and candlelight dinners, but they never seem to be appreciated. Not only that, none of them ever do anything for me. I am always being stood up, heartbroken, used or taken advantage of.

What am I doing wrong? What do men want or look for in a woman? Also, should I be dating men who are separated? -- LONELY AND CONFUSED, COLUMBIA, MD.

DEAR LONELY: You're giving too much, too soon. Most men want a challenge and enjoy the thrill of pursuit. If you take that away from them, they take you for granted.

Men who are separated are still married. Moreover, they are just coming out of a bad experience. Unless your idea of a pleasant evening is hand-holding and commiserating, a good rule of thumb is to look for someone who hasn't recently been burned.

DEAR ABBY: I need some love advice. I'm scared of making a commitment to the man of my dreams. He's my sister's ex-husband.

I always knew I liked him, but now I know I love him. He and my sister were married for only a year and a half, and they have been divorced for three years. I have three small children and am currently in the middle of a divorce myself.

Can I break that unwritten rule about not dating the exes of your sisters or girlfriends and still feel like a good human being? -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: Much depends on the degree of bitterness in the failure of your sister's marriage. Are they emotionally as well as legally divorced? Were there children involved? How mature is everyone involved? If the answers to my questions are: no, yes, and not very -- accept that a union with this man will cause World War III in your family and be prepared to pay the price, which will be a bitter rift.

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away after a long struggle with breast cancer. She lived in our home; we were her caregivers, and her absence is mourned every day.

My problem is my mother's family. I have called and written to them, but have had little response.

My 90-year-old grandmother came to our home a few weeks after Mom died and went from room to room taking inventory of things she wanted her "boys" to have. She then called and gave me an additional list of "family" items she wanted for sentimental reasons. I know there is more to it than sentiment. My mother had these things for 40 years, but for some reason, it's not OK for me -- her adopted daughter -- to keep them.

I realize they were only "things," but my hurt is palpable because they represented a family connection I thought I had all these years.

I knew I was adopted, but it took my grandmother to make me realize that in her eyes adoption means "unworthy." Any advice would be appreciated. -- FEELING UNWORTHY IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING UNWORTHY: Your grandmother's behavior is appalling. Has she always been this way, or could she be suffering from dementia? If she has all her marbles, then please note that the items your mother brought to your home were hers regardless of who covets them -- and cannot be removed without your permission. Did your mother have a will? Did she have an attorney? Please discuss this with a lawyer -- and if necessary, a grief counselor to help you during this difficult period. You have my sympathy for the loss of both your mother and your illusions about the people you considered to be your family.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)