DEAR ABBY: My friends and I are in eighth grade. This is our last year together. We'll be going to different high schools in the fall.

"Allie," "Betty," "Carol," "Diane," "Emma," "Fran," "Gail," "Hannah," "Ivy" and I sit together at lunch. The table is pretty crowded, so we took a vote that two people should leave the circle. Allie and Betty had to move to another table. After lunch, Carol said she didn't think it was fair to vote friends out of the circle. I realized she was right, so I passed a note to Diane about not wanting to break up the circle and what Carol had said. I said we should all sit at the same table again. Diane said OK.

The next day, we all got together at our regular table, but Emma and Fran got into a fight. No one liked anyone anymore. The circle was officially broken. Now four of the girls sit at the original table; the rest of us sit at a picnic table. I'm the only one who's friends with everybody from the circle.

P.S. You have a wonderfully upbeat personality. If you also have an affinity for languages, you'd be a natural for the diplomatic corps.

It hurts me to see my friends separated at lunch time. Will you please print this letter and let them know it was wrong to break up the circle? I want my friends to reconsider: Remember who your friends are. Think about the good times we've had and that I'm all of y'all's friend! -- BROKENHEARTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Your mistake was in taking the vote in the first place. I'm printing your letter in the hope that your circle can be mended. If it can't be, console yourself by understanding that, much as we might wish it, not all friendships last forever. As people mature, they sometimes change or have less in common.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman and live at home with my family. My boyfriend, "Stan," and I have been dating for over a year. We're deeply in love and want to be married someday.

However, I have a huge problem. I'm afraid to stay overnight anywhere other than my house. I get scared and homesick whenever I try to stay overnight somewhere else. I know this isn't normal, and I'm afraid I won't be able to marry Stan because of my fear of living away from home. Please help me. -- HOMESICK IN OHIO

DEAR HOMESICK: You may be suffering from a mild form of agoraphobia. Please consult a doctor, because your fear is not that uncommon and you can be helped through therapy and/or medication.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old son was adopted when he was 3. He'd had a difficult life until then. My wife and I had read stories about older adopted children sometimes having difficulty bonding to new families, and this was a concern for us.

Last week, when he and I were riding in the car, he asked if his grandparents were going to have an Easter egg hunt for him and his brother as they had in previous years. I replied, "Yes, it's a family tradition." He then remarked, "I know what a family tradition is." I asked him to explain. He said, "It's when you do the same old thing -- only it's still fun."

To my mind, that is the best description of a family tradition I've ever heard. Hope you agree. -- MICHAEL IN MARYLAND

DEAR MICHAEL: I do. And it appears that your son feels very much a part of your loving family.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Spring is here, and once again animal rescue workers are preparing for the inevitable: kitten season. Shelters from coast to coast will soon be inundated with pregnant cats, mother cats with kittens and unwanted litters. I am writing to remind people about the importance of spaying or neutering their cats.

Too often we hear about parents wanting to give their children an opportunity to witness the "miracle of birth," so they allow their cat to have one litter. What most people don't know is that they can reduce the feline population by having their own cat spayed or neutered and still participate in the miracle. All they need to do is contact any private or public animal shelter and offer to become foster parents to a pregnant cat. Their offer will be greatly appreciated.

The shortage of foster homes at this time of year is immense. Most shelters, like our own, provide the foster families with support that includes: education about pregnant cats, testing of cats for feline AIDS and leukemia, medical attention when needed, help with supplies if the foster family is unable to pay, spaying or neutering of the mother cats and kittens, and finally -- finding good permanent homes.

Thank you for getting the word out, Abby, and for all your support. -- JACQUELINE WOOD, MEOW CAT RESCUE IN KIRKLAND, WASH.

DEAR JACQUELINE: You have made a terrific suggestion, one I'm sure many people haven't considered.

Parents who want their children to witness the "miracle of birth" and plan to get rid of the cat and her litter should first ask themselves what kind of message they are sending. By adopting your idea, the lesson would be conveyed that pets are more than expendable commodities -- their lives have value.

DEAR ABBY: I need help dealing with my alcoholic husband, "Tom." He drinks from morning till night. Now my children say he's bribing them not to tell me.

What bothers me most is that he drinks and drives when he has our 10-year-old son, "Tommy," in the car with him. Tommy described several places where his dad bought vodka and 7UP. Another time Tommy told me his father bought him candy at the movies so he wouldn't tell me about the drinking.

My mother-in-law has advised me to approach the matter "positively." She thinks that if I tell Tom I can no longer trust him with the children, he will try to corrupt them to spite me.

I don't want my children to grow up to be liars and substance abusers. What can I do to fight this? -- TOM'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: I agree with your mother-in-law on one point. You should "positively" tell your husband that he will either get help for his drinking immediately or he is out the door. Driving a child while under the influence is child endangerment! That he would bribe his son and encourage him to lie to you is an indication of how much his addiction to alcohol has impaired his judgment.

You cannot "fix" your husband; only he can do that. But at all costs you must protect your children. The worst thing you can do under these circumstances is nothing.

I recommend that you attend some Al-Anon meetings. You will benefit from it. Al-Anon is a 12-step fellowship of men, women, adult children, and children whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or friend. The toll-free number is (888) 425-2666.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Chuck," and I have been married going on five years. He's a long-haul truck driver.

Three weeks ago, he asked me for a divorce because he's been cheating on me with a long-haul lady driver I'll call Annabelle. The next weekend, he came home and we were together like nothing happened.

The weekend after that, Chuck said he's decided to hold off on the divorce until he can straighten out his head. He says he's depressed and unhappy, that he still loves me, but he doesn't know what he wants. Before he left on his new job -- driving with Annabelle -- he put his wedding ring back on. Then Chuck made a comment I still don't understand. He said that she was happy he did it.

Chuck says I have to lose my stomach and firm up my breasts, but that is easier said than done at 40. Before we got married, I was a size 24. Now I'm a size 16, so where does he get off saying I'm too fat?

Some of my friends say Chuck is going through a midlife crisis because he'll be 45 in a couple of months. I don't know what to do anymore. My head says to file for divorce and get on with my life. My heart says to wait a couple of months. I love him deeply even though he ripped my heart to pieces and destroyed what little self-esteem I had left. Please help. -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: Hold off on that divorce. It appears your husband's spirits are sagging more than your stomach and breasts. His problem could be a midlife crisis or depression -- but whatever it is, he needs to speak to his doctor and stop projecting his problems onto you.

P.S. He should also change driving partners. If I were you, I'd demand it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Nancy," is 14 going on 21. She wants to start dating, but I don't think she's ready. So she goes out anyway and doesn't ask my permission. After she's out, she doesn't bother to call to say where she is or if she's OK.

Nancy also refuses to do her chores. Not long ago, she failed to come home after school; she takes the bus. I looked for her for two hours, then I called the police and filed a report. She didn't show up until after 11 p.m. Her excuse was that she was working on an English project with a friend. I wanted to believe her. I told her she should have at least called. The next night, she did the same thing.

This time, I called her friends and found out she was with a boy named "Steve" and she wasn't doing homework.

What can I do, Abby? My daughter will not listen to me. She plans to continue seeing Steve, even though I forbid it -- and plans to spend the night with him. I think she's too young to be dating this seriously. What's the best way to tell when your teenager is ready to date? -- WORRIED IN NEW YORK

DEAR WORRIED: Girls who are "ready to date" are young women who have proven they are responsible, make intelligent decisions and can be trusted.

Your daughter has not done this, and she is on the verge of getting herself into serious trouble.

As her parent, you must quickly learn to assert yourself -- something it appears you have not done. There is a support group for parents of hard-to-handle children. It is called BILY (Because I Love You). For information and locations, log on to the Web site at www.BILY.org.

P.S. You did not mention how old Steve is. If he is 18, he is presumed to be an adult. At 14, your daughter is legally too young to consent to sex, which would make Steve a sex offender and vulnerable to prosecution.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)